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Thats a fact. did something yesterday that I never thought I'd do. Went tot he Birthday party and she was there with him. she had text me and said she would be gone by 7 and I said I would arrive at 8. I showed up, and she was still there. I walked past her and him went to the bar, sat down ordered a beer and watched 20 minutes of hockey before she left. No hello goodbye or drop deads. Prior to this, I would have just left and that would have been that. I never looked at her or him. I got through the toughest thing I have had to do, show up someplace they were at.

What is working for me now is to remember everything that happens, happened, its over move forward. Being dark works for me. Concentrating on my life, works for me. I am still married, I still love her and i don't want to lose her. God gives me strength to be happy now, every day. i find the good in everything, especially the negatives. I laugh a little easier, cry a lot less, and don't dwell on her return. God will show me His plan someday, its just not today...thanks, I have to do this, I am doing this and you are 100% correct, I have too....

Sorry you had to have this experience. Gross...really.

But Don't assume she isn't upset by this either. I bet she's freaked and didn't know what to do. GOD what a nutty evening for them as well. Trust me, she did not feel well afterwards. She had to reassure om, and yet she was feeling guilty at the same time. So, back to you...YES YOU...

You are doing better than you realize LD. You really are. You are stronger all the time.

I'm glad you can pray for guidance and strength instead of telling God that you want "X" and "Y", etc. I'm no expert, but I think it's what God wants us to do. He is there for us and ready to be actively involved in our lives.

But we all have to ask and seek and LET HIM help us, give Him our problems and after we give the probems to Him, we have to stop taking them back. I see you doing that and I have done it myself.

Regardless of what happens in the short run (and in a long M, this is a blip in time though it sucks to be in it), you will be alright. Have you watched "Fireproof"? It's a movie that a lot of people liked and said it touched their lives. It IS religious so I would not suggest you tell w to watch it. But you can find some solace in it I think.

Oh, I met an old lady who lives in my neighborhood last month. She was married 63 years. She said 56 of those years were good; 4 were bad due to World War II and 3 years were bad due to her h. She said "he was a jerk from jerktown for a good 3 years..." but it somehow worked out. They stayed M and had another 2 decades together. So his 3 years of "jerkness" were a blip in time and that was what I wanted to get across to you. Take the big picture. Step back. Pray for patience, strength and guidance and some more patience and strength.
You'll get to the other side.
(( j ))

She knew I would be there at 8. i gave her 2 hours of time. She was sitting with friends of mine who aren't real happy with her, but they sat with them because they didn't know anyone else. Made her uncomfortable.

Not sure if she was uncomfortable or not, not sure about anything, All I know is i did what I did. I did not run and hide, I sat at the bar with my entorage all around me. Trust me, it must have looked impressive. But who cares, its over, it happened...whatever...

I feel I am doing good and my daughters and my son reinforce it all the time. I am very glad they see it, they see my strength and my resilience. I told them what happened, in case she decides to tell the story and pepper it. they told me they were proud of me for going in, not making a scene and enjoying myself, i had every right.

Yeah, i sneak back into the problem every now and then, but it does get less and less. And your right, when I leave it alone I do feel better. I pray hard for my strength, I ask Him every night to give me more. It was very difficult for me last night, to see thenm together was brutal to say the least. but, its over, it happened, its in the past....Thanks for the pep talk, you make my eyes water when you post, mostly happy, especially when I feel your suport through your words, good night and I will post you tomrrow. Oh by the way, Day10, I willl not let this interrupt my darkness, I was still very dark to her, so I don't feel I have to start over...

don't start the count over for anything she does if you handle it well, which you did.

So, day 11 begins...

(( j ))

Good Job, StrongD (aka LonelyD)! This is how I think of you these days! Keep becoming a better YOU! I think 25yearsmlc's words which her neighbor-lady shared are right on....one day this will be a blip on the landscape of your life and M! Your work now following God's Will is going to make it so!

Good advice, and I will use it. If I have any contact and it doens't set me off, then I will not start over.

I am doing very well today. My corned beef dinner was a hit yesterday....My kids loved it. they are very proud of me for not letting her get to me...So am I..

I pray to God for that, but for now, strength, strength and more strength.....How's the new job going?

LonelyD,

The new job is going fantastic and I love Dallas! Tough being apart from my W....but, even that is going well. I'll be back home later this week for a long weekend. I feel so blessed to have lost my job last November.....

That's awesome...I am so glad it is going well for you...

how are you doing LD?

(( j ))