Hope you are having some much needed fun in Des Moines. I know it wasn't a vaca trip but I still hope that you are able to enjoy some peace and solitude.
Thanks Jeff. Today kind of sucks. Dan has said all that about wanting to spend his life with me, trying to figure it out, etc etc but there were no actions to support it.
So Sunday I sent him a message back, that he WAS running out of time because I had seen no actions to back up his statement that he wanted to have me in his life and didn't want to lose me...
Of course, he did not respond in any way. We talked for a bit on the phone each night i was gone, always general stuff about the kids/life/etc, never anything about US. And no words/actions from him
So last night when I got home, after we put the kids to bed, I went out on the couch and he sat by me and we talked about the closing that was set for today. I didn't know it until I walked in last night, at 8:00 last night he tells me the closing is TODAY at 2:30...
Anyway he started to talk to me about what he and the kids did while I was gone. I was thinking in my mind, this man could not reach out to me in any way the past 2 weeks since he decided he DOES want me, yet he can arrange a closing, order cabinets for the new house, etc.
So i got a little short with him, interrupted something he said about the kids (b/c I was frustrated that he never acknowledged my message and wasn't showing me he actually wanted me--hello, he gets his own house TODAY!).
Well anyway his #1 issue with me was that I NEVER listened to him...of course he never told me that until last January but he applies it to our whole 17 year relationship.
So my interrupting him last night got him riled, he said there it was again I never listen to him. Which led to me saying I am sick of limbo and I would listen a lot more attentively if you could take some action toward me and not avoid my requests of you. He said he was afraid to try again b/c I never listen and I proved it by not listening to him talk about the kids just then...
I told him he would have to take a risk and just love me again, no excuses, no avoiding. He actually said, "And what are you risking?" Like I had nothing to lose by trying again!
I said, "Well, I will never forget walking in on you and her in the hotel room in St. Louis. Do you think I want that to ever happen again? So I would say I am risking that experience, yet I have decided you are worth the risk"
That shut him right up and he looked a little embarrassed as well he should, like I am risking NOTHING here? So he backed off that tangent and went back to the old standby, I never listen...
I just told him that I do listen 90% of the time, I understand he gets frustrated when I don't listen, but I also get frustrated when he can't tell me he loves me or reach out to me in any way. So I said unless he was willing to risk himself and put himself out there for me, I couldn't do it all myself.
Then he just got up and got ready to go, as always, not finishing the conversation. That is why I have trouble listening to him. When you are on the verge of a major life decision and you just stop talking about it, how can I listen intently to random crap about work and the kids' dinner experiences?
I said last night, I want you to be my partner, my best friend, my lover, everything we used to be for each other. He got all choked up and said, "I want that too...." and then just left it at that. Wtf he always starts and never finishes...
I have to take Dan's point of view. It may be that he was proud to have taken care of the kids and had fun with them while you were away and he was wanting some sort of praise or validation or paraphrasing from you of what he was saying. But you interrupted with shortness and changed the subject. Consider the shoe on the other foot and you were telling him about some activity you had done with the kids and he interrupted to say how angry he was because of his truck having a bad transmission.
BobbiJo - Anytime you initiate any sort of R talk, it is not working now between the 2 of you because it turns into an argument. Just remember not to go down cheeseless tunnels and to work on having incredible patience.
