Hey, Sunshine! I hope you are sleeping well tonight.
I know you are and have been trying like crazy. After I wrote back another thought hit me. Is there a part of your personality that has led you to connect w/people who aren't good for you in the past? Is there a pattern you can connect to?
I'm asking this b/c I had to discover that I was playing the role of a rescuer in my past relationships. I'd always pick out women who were "broken" in some way b/c I subconsciously thought I could fix them or save them.
I didn't realize it up front, of course, but once the question was posed to me about what did my XW have in common w/all the other women I've been involved with or interested in, I was able to see the pattern after giving it some good thought.
So, this may be an avenue you'd think of visiting to see if there is a pattern that can be avoided in the future. You may have done this already, but I'm throwing it out there just in case. You know, something to chew on and either digest or spit out.
Hi all, it has been an emotional day for me today. I am still alive so I guess, I did well after all. H called and told me he saw the lawyer. She will get back to him during this week. He said he was surprised to find out that even if we both agree it still takes a year to divorce.
We can hardly talk to each other now without loosing our temper. I snap at him, he snaps at me.I need to limit the contact to the minimum because it hurts me. And that's my only plan at the moment.
Rob, no I havent been picking out hurtful men. Rob (my first H) was a sweet person (still is). At least, that's what I believe looking back now, about myself. I will think of this some more. xxx K
Maria, to protect yourself could you ask him to limit his contact with you to text message and email only for now. Convo only about the kids and any appointments with the L? It would probably help you both, I know it did for me and my xH.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hey M.. thanks for the advice from that book yesterday. Wow, so many pennies dropped after hearing about that. Yes he lied by omission, yes he felt he was being more moral that way, yes its worrying that ow is still with him and in your case, was still on the scene. Wow, I wish all this hadnt gone on so long for either of us, I had already learnt so much by last August, as you had I think. Not sure where we go from here... hate to say it, but we'll see hey. Hope your daughter is ok today...
Hi Maria, (((()))), if you can't have civil coversations at this point and that is so normal at this stage then do as others have suggested at least for now. It is somehow impossible to believe that we cannot talk to those we loved without getting angry and we feel we have failed yet another hurdle or at least I did, but to stop it escalating,speaking only through your lawyer or email seems the best option. It will not always be like this, but it takes a long time before "normal" conversations can be resumed,for now the hurt is just too raw. Take care.
Once again, I lead he follows. After our heated and mean discussions, after me having a hard time yesterday, I managed to control my feelings today. I have been OK and calmed down a lot. And since our D is sick and he has been calling, our phone calls our pretty civil.
When he found out I had to stay home with her so my dad doesn't come in contact with her (my parents couldnt babysit), he sounded guilty he didnt come over to watch her until the babysitter comes. I said it was no problem and 30 mins later he called and asked if I needed anything, he was on the way here. I told him he didnt have to, since I stayed and he said "I want to see my daughter". I backed off and he arrived. I asked him to take her to the doctor while I would go pick up my son. He did that and did some others things with her as well (bought her a dvd and returned one I had rented).
Then he said he would stay for lunch with us as if nothing ever happened. He did. He left later and has called at least 3 times since. My D has fever but doc said she is fine, just a virus.
A few minutes ago he called and asked what time he should be here tomorrow so I can go to work. I told him around 9 and asked how could he do it since he works so late and he lives 45 mins away. He would have to wake up very early to manage. He said it wont be a problem so I agreed.
Maybe I am wrong but I think he tries to be supportive. I did send him an email last night, not a mean one, an email about my feelings, a lot of goodbyes and explaining my anger. I did say there that the responsibilities of the kids feel huge to me and I asked him to remember that from now on. I also said, that ironically he pushed me away fearing of rejection, overlooking the fact that I have been accepting him the way he is, and the proof was that I have been fighting for us, choosing every single day to love him still despite of the choices he has made.
It wasnt a make up letter. On the contrary. But I feel his reaction today is a response to that.
His needs, Her needs and How to improve your M without talking about it arrived today. I ordered these books 20 days ago. I guess I should still read them for future reference... K
I also had ordered Michelle's "The Marriage Breakthrough Interactive Seminar on DVD" shortly after my bomb. I watched part of it, but never got a chance to watch it with my walk away wife.
Try as hard as you can to work with him for the sake of the kids.
