I didn't mean to offend you w/my last post. I was merely saying for you to use his A to look at yourself and see if there were things that he felt were driving him away from you.
Again - HIS AFFAIR IS HIS AND ONLY HIS FAULT AND NO FAULT OF YOURS! I can't stress this enough. However, what was it about you that he couldn't handle? What was it about Maria that made him look for greener grass?
As another poster said, you may never get the answers you seek from him, but you can find those answers about yourself.
I'm not blaming you at all, but I am challenging you to use this to critically examine yourself to see what you may have been like for him and then process it.
Maybe you were everything correct and he was simply the wrong fit. If so, then you need to look at "your end" and discover this so you can make sure to have the "right fit" next time.
Maybe there were parts of you that you didn't like and would like to change - not for H, but for you - as you move forward.
That is what I'm saying w/"look at your end of his A." It is an opportunity for some serious reflection to see yourself through his eyes and either embrace you or change that part of you.
This was my intended message before and I'm so sorry it didn't come across correctly.
As for the latest news, I'm sorry he's an idiot who is afraid of his own shadow. He'll regret this in time, but it will be way, way down the road and you will be long gone.
Steel yourself in your decision and move forward.
Even though you didn't feel like it in my last post, I am completely on your side and just trying to push you to be the best you. Maybe my timing wasn't right for the comments I made earlier.
just wanted to stop by since you have been on my mind. I will definetly be praying for you sweetie. I will pray the the Holy Spirit will enter your heart and will help to guide you.
Be well my dear. Have a wonderful Wednesday. talk to ya soon.
The guys showed up! Hungry Snakes association!! LOL! Except these particular guys are not that hungry, right Tomato?
Anyway, Rob, I didnt get upset by you. Honestly. It was a surprise for me to see you reminding me to do something, you KNOW I have been doing. I never stopped actually. It started motivated by guilt, then as a valuable learning process. I like myself...
You know what? I havent streched it here, it's something my C repeated to me yesterday and she has told H and she said it on Sat to both of us. She said "for whatever reasons, IMO, as a result of trying to find balance, M has been supporting this relationship almost 100% on her own. She was getting nothing from you H, and when she got tired, the relationship collapsed". The interesting thing is H agreed to that. Of course I dont accept the fact that it is my fault because I gave 100% as she says to me. I understand it wasnt right for ME, but I dont know how you can accuse someone for giving his best? But still, it feels good to hear that. And you know what they say: he who works makes mistakes, the one that doenst, never makes any.
I am feeling better. VERY VERY sad. I know all of you have felt like this before or still are. I am no exception. I am crying, laughing, joking, crying again... It's a familiar process. We have had no contact since Monday night. He is supposed to tell me if he accepts the money I asked and all the rest I requested. If he does, I sign the separation agreement, he does too, and we file. End of 2009 I will be divorced..., again!
Hey M.. thankyou for your message! And in the midst of your stuff too. I am glad you are embracing the full gamut of emotions that this is bringing up, you cant just 'shine', yes we all cry, laugh, feel low, happy, crazy, normal for a moment. No wonder we are all exhausted hey !! I agree that from what you have told me, it does sound like you were giving an awful lot in the M whilst your H was often 'absent'. He still is hey, hiding behind a wall of.. who knmows? Like you say, not your problem anymore to understand him/make excuses for his cowardly emotional nature. I hope he contacts you soon about the moneuy and stuff.. guess he is stil being a bit avoidant, or putting work first perhaps. So is the MC session this Saturday now cancelled??
Sorry you are denying it, I guess its very hard to face up to the reality of what will possibly now happen next and you are inching your way along still.. Saturn gets unstuck end of May, dont forget! (how could you) and us with it I think .
Hi Ali, I am glad you had a nice birthday. And I think the present and card were cool too.
Yes, C session is canceled. She asked if I want to do it anyway, but I dont see a good reason to be sujected to any "sessions" with stbxH anymore (back to that, lol!). I want things done quickly and as less hurtful as possible. Not an easy task but will try to keep my anger under control (most of it is gone already) and my verbal interactions polite and civil. I DONT want to do anything more. I want to sign the papers and close this chapter of my life. "Have the operation and face the post surgery pain". I want the last threads between us cut off, the ones in my mind still resisting to be gone. I want to feel morally free and sure about my decision.
People have said many times, "you KNOW when you are done". I fight with that a bit. Because, now, facing this failure, I feel less sure about it than I did 6 months ago. I dont know what it is. I think the fact that I am going ahead with this and still hearing his words that he "loves me" in my ears, makes it harder. Of course, his behavior told me otherwise but...
Cheeseless tunnels, once again. Got to be strong and decissive this time. K
I remember you telling me you deal with issues in circles.. that's how you resolve it.
Looking at the past gets you nowhere. Hindsight is no where NEAR 20/20. All you can work on is the present. I was in disbelief as we reached the final settlement, went in front of the judge, dealt with the following weeks after the final decree.
I look at the present and see the positive. That what I feared is manageable and livable. .. that I get in my own way more than he gets in mine. That letting go of 'stuff', material, mental, emotional in relationship to him is the greatest gift I can give myself.
You can't heal him, that's his job. You can heal you.. and that starts with focusing on you. Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving in a very bad bad way. That is baggage you choose to carry or leave by the wayside.
Let the sun shine in.. it's okay. Being a martyr never made a sound relationship, being a bitch doesn't either. It's the same thing in different clothing. Hurt.. plain hurt..
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
