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Well, met with one attorney yesterday and have called a few more to help me determine my rights and what I need to do to protect myself and my kids. The attorney I spoke with yesterday was great and she answered all my questions and gave me lots of guidance and advice. I really learned a lot and feel more in power of this situation. I still want to work on M but as you all know I/we cannot control the WAWs, so I’m just looking out for myself now.

Does anyone have any good questions for a lawyer or advice I should look for in determining which a attorney to go with?

BTW: walked to my brother’s house last night for dinner and had a good night discussing my options and I told my family that I’m taking my time in this process and trying to learn as much as I can. Trying to learn about the law and how to be a great single parent.

Another note: S13 gets migraines (inherited from his mother) and W was supposed to find a specialist last fall but failed to do so and he suffered a major one yesterday while trying out for the track team. W felt so bad that he was in pain and I reminded her she was supposed to find a specialist for him but for whatever reason didn’t do so last fall. (I now know why it was cause that’s when she started being selfish and only thinking about herself) She wanted to know if I blame her and I told her that we should now focus on today and get him help for the future. After I got off the phone I called a friend and of course I blame her as she dropped so many projects/tasks last fall that I didn’t realize that happened until I look back now.

Went to my group support tonight and the topic was STRESS, we discussed what we think causes it in our lives and how to cope. Afterwards, about bunch of us went out for pie & coffee, it was a lot of fun. Tomorrow need to get up early to take S15 to baseball practice then pick him up. W is supposed to come over to discuss financial info and then my mom will be by to help clean another room
Tomorrow night is our once a month couples bowling night and I'll be bowling without W as she has her new life now. I'm still on a roller coaster but doing well as I'm working on myself every day and getting stronger all the time.

W came over this morning at 10:00 and left crying by 10:25, and didn't see the kids.
Here is what happened, she was telling me about her day yesterday and asked if I had fun with my friends last night and I told her a had great time. Then I said I wanted to talk about the finances/bank accounts and she said ok. I told her I didn't like the fact she went to the bank to change her online password so I could not see her account anymore without talking to me first and she said she was worried I would talk her out of it. (I tried very hard not to laugh cause we all know we cannot make someone do something) So, I told her I can't make you do anything and she disagreed with me and after back and forth, I just dropped it, as i said its in the past. Then I mentioned I was uncomfortable with her having access to the joint accounts as I'm the one paying the bills. She raised her hand and said she swears to God she will not take any money out, I told her not to do swear (cause I don't trust her) and that we need to find a way to fix this issue. I told her I realize she feels her paycheck is her money and I said my paycheck is my money but we are both responsible for the house and kid expenses. Since, we could not agree on all this, we decided to make an appoint with our MC and he can help us both understand each others point of view.
Next, she wanted to talk to me about S13 and his latest migraine episode. She didn't like my reaction to her when it happened on Wednesday by me saying she dropped the ball on finding a specialist for him. She says she feels terrible since he got the migraines from her and her side of the family and she says she tried to find someone last fall but didn't have any luck. Then she asked me if I feel like she dropped the ball and blame her, I said that my feeling is you did drop the ball on this and many other things you were supposed to do last fall but didn't finish. That's when she ran out of the house crying and I have not from her since and neither have the kids. Funny thing is I don't feel bad about today as I would have in the past. I'm sure she is very surprised by me not backing down or telling her its all ok, cause its not. In the past, I would of told her its not your fault honey and been all nice and hugging her but not any more. I'm not sure I handled all this correctly as I'm still trying to balance between not being taken advantage of and I still want her to come home. But she needs to realize things are changing and we are not best friends right now. We need to build the friendship back up.
So, after she left I went on a long walk and now am waiting for my mom to come over and we will be going to lunch. S15 is out with his girlfriend and S13 is across the street with his best friend. Tonight is our monthly bowling night (which she is not coming) but I'm going cause its fun and lots of my friends will be there!

Met with another attorney and she gave me some suggestions on what to do while W is with OM. I’m thinking about filing for a legal separation so I can protect my assets and the children. The attorney also said if I can get my W to work with me, we can save $$$ on the cost of the filing.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom on how I can approach WAW about working on this together? Should I come up with a draft and present it to her? I would think meeting in person would be best. I don’t want to sound like I’m pursuing or make W feel like I’m talking about our M or R, I just want to get her to work on a contract so we know where we are in this limbo land.

I still want to work on M and I know until OM is out of the picture I need to be patient. I’m trying very hard to be patient but also don’t want to lose any assets or the kids during this time. Still doing lots of GAL and walking which helps so much!

The way I always tried to present anything to my husband was how it would benefit him (Since MLCers are selfish I tried to use that to my advantage). Even if it was something to protect me, I'd always try to look at how it might help him and then present it at that angle.

For example, I'd present it as wanting to set this up so you can both make sure she is financially covered (even though it's your own finances we are actually concerned with), and how putting this in place will help keep everything running smoothly for everyone. In other words, present it as a positive thing that will be benficial and helpful to everyone involved.

Also, if you are going to file yourself, or use one attorney, make sure it's YOUR attorney....

That's interesting about the incident with your son's migranes, and her becoming upset... and how you weren't as upset by her response as you would have been in the past. I'm glad you did this 180 and expressed your feelings even if it did upset her. And it sounds like you did it so calmly! Gosh, my H would have amped up on the anger and called me a few choice names!!!

runningoutoftime: That is a good idea to present with the idea that its good for the WAW. I agree I would use only one attorney which will be the one I choose.

I was proud of my 180 and I also told her we need to move ahead and not rehash the past. I never really got angry (did have to calm down inside) with my W until she told me about the PA and I still did not scream obscenities at her cause I didn't want that to hurt any future chances with me. Yesterday she hardly looked or spoke to me but I was fine. This morning after a couple of text message back and forth about the kids, she sent “Have a nice day” and I replied “You too!”

I wouldn't have responded back to her "have a nice day" text. Keep things strictly business. After all that's what she wanted in the beginning right?

Let her continue to miss you. Look good in front of her and keep things light. It seems she's drawn to you the more business like you are. It's almost like she misses your attention.

She may miss my attention and I do try to be business like but I do backslide at times. I'll keep working at it!

When I was out walking this afternoon, W sent me a text saying "I just drove past you and didn't recognize you" and I said "oh, hi" and then she said "U look good!" and I said "Thanks!" as it gave me an ego boost.

Then I walked to CVS to get milk (after my parents and brother left tonight). On the way back I passed a local neighborhood bar and 2 guys I know from the YMCA were just parking and going in (they know W too). They both went on and on about how good I looked and how much weight I lost and how sorry they were about my new living situation. I told them that I'm doing ok and am so glad I have the kids with me and don't try this stress diet at home

So, this made my day and the weather felt so good!!

You answered her again. You've got to stop doing that.

She's noticing you. Let her keep noticing. Her call gave you an ego boost, but you've got to stop that. Because the next time she calls, it could be to give you some bad news and you're setting yourself up for a bad fall.

Stay emotionally away and stay strictly business.

I know, I know, this happened before I read your earlier post.