Vicky, Thanks, I choose to stay cheerful and hopeful no matter whats going on. I am buying this house, and she will be on the title. I will try not to cross her doorstep unless really necessary, but will spend as much time as I can with my daughter. This is all I can do. Do you think I should talk to her tomorrow to lay these things out?
If she said that you are not together and is showing you that you are not together. Please don't put her on the house if you don't need her to get the house. You can always add her on. It's ok to let her know that you can add her on later.
You see Vicky I just wanted her to know that she has a home. We are originally Ukrainians, came here 8 years ago, worked in university, we are both PhDs, but not on permanent jobs, so we could not have a house. These days purchase of a house is a crazy idea, but I was doing this for her, not for myself, I dont care where to live. What you are saying makes perfect sense, but my feelings are still very strong, so I do not know what I will do yet.
If you love her do this with boundaries with her. If you love her fight for her in a way that can break through her fog.
Giving her all the convienences of a marriage without any boundaries isn't working. As as prior Marine officer, I can tell you that you have a footprint on your forehead.
We say these things to help you have the best chance of regaining her love not to make you feel worse. Believe it or not everyone here wants nothing more for you to succeed.
What will it hurt to take their advice after 2.5 years of no progress?
Think about it. We are on your side.
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
Vdad, Thanks, I truly appreciate advices of each of you. I will have a lot of thinking to do. In a way you are right, till last time my wife had every convenience of the marriage without any obligations. The thing is that I do not know what else I can do to win her back. And deep insight I know she loves me. Thanks for stopping me from finding that OM
I won't kid you what lies ahead is tough if you detach. It is done out of love... Not only for her, but yourself.
I have learned that once in the fog of an A, DBing is the best offense there is. It gives the W a chance to feel the world without you and it starts to get you off the roller coaster. Both are good outcomes.
I was helped by the very people responding to you now.
The OM isn't worth your time or effort. Focus on you, get strong, and maybe she will see the man she was in love with again. Sometimes they don't. But you will be stronger.
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
Guys, You know what worries me a lot, is that she is not trying to be a decent person anymore. She does not even try to hide things. She returned from her "shopping" only now wearing a new nice watch. Expensive Movado which I presented her on Christmas a year ago she did not even touch. This happens when she is about to leave for Europe and our daughter stays with me for a week. The point is that the only thing that I can do is turn away and see her as little as possible. Thank you for being with me
