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{{{Tawnya}}}

That is really scary stuff you're just revealing! Makes me admire you even more! You are such a strong person to stand up to that and not be afraid! Definitely understand the "walking on eggshells" a lot more now. It's actually more like walking around a time bomb without knowing where the timer is! That is definitely something you don't want to go back to.

Were you ever able to talk to him about that kind of behavior during his "reasonable" times? Does he realize he's like that or is he just ignoring it after it happens?

{{{Sam}}} Yes..funny when you said "scary" I was thinking "yes scary for me and scary to talk about with you guys LOL"..I like your version of it about not knowing where the timer is..it wasn't like it was all of the time, but yeah..a good analogy!

Umm..yes we talked about it some and he knew, obviously LOL, but, actually come to THINK of it (hadn't really thought about this before), he would normally say it was because I pushed his buttons..you know the "well if you didn't push me to this point it wouldn't get that way" kind of thing..hmm..wow thanks for making me think about that!

{{Hugs}} to all of you guys for letting me get that out there, it was obviously important for me to do it and wow..another layer off of me!

Tawnya

{{{T}}}

Sorry I wasn't about last night to answer your posts, having fun with parents is more tiring than I remember and I was in a deep restful sleep. However....

What you have just done is MUCH more significant than you may realise. You have put yourself out there to be possible ridiculed (not likely on here, but you never know) or even just belittled with other stories of greater abuse. You still did it though. That demands a whole heap of RESPECT. You have that from me T, it's a tough thing to go through, but I actually think it's tougher to admit to the world that you lived through it.

It's out of your system now, there are no more skeletons to rattle you in the future. You will become a much better person for releasing that. You will be stronger as well.

Kudos to you T. You really are showing everyone the way forward

{{Silva}} thanks my friend..I am glad you had a good time with your parents and a good night's sleep..yeah I actually DO realize that, even tho none of you really are nearby and "know me" in a way, that it was a BIG deal for me to tell you all..and thank you for those kind words about strength and respect..I appreciate them and remind me in case I forget!

Tawnya

Wow {{{Tawnya}} I feel like I came off a little flippant.

I'm so proud of you though - it's hard to face that, admit it, and go forward. Especially if you still love your hub!

You know you've reached a good place when you are able to look at the demons that control your spouse, and realize if they don't have resolution or healing, it's no good.

I look at how Pearl is handling her situation - she is angry and offended, not all weepy and whiny. That's how I want to be should the situation occur. I want to expect REAL change - not some half-hearted effort to protect yourself.

Good for you! Hugs and love coming your way.

{{{JD}}} I didn't get flip from your post earlier..but, yes, like Pearl, after the tears I am more resolute today to really think about what is best for ME, just for a second anyway, not even thinking about my kids or my hub or anyone else, just ME..of course I think about my kids LOL, so, but for me to say that I"m trying to think about me and no one else, is a pretty big deal

Tawnya

So I just had to get my new on my own "big girl" cable set up LOL! Hopefully I will NOT lose any down time, or not much. Actually set it up for the same day, the person was really nice on the phone and was like "well just undo all of his stuff before we get there" and then it wouldn't be any interruption to either of us hopefully. Also, thought it was going to be well over $100 but the very nice helpful cable person bundled it pretty well and actually will get pretty much the same stuff I have now for only $50 more than what I"m already paying and less than $100, so I'm pretty happy about that..which was a nice surprise! The only stinky part is that I had to part with $124 to get it connected :P

On to other cool news, I just booked a flight to go see a GOOD friend of mine by myself in Florida the first weekend of March!! I'm super duper excited and can't WAIT to do that I haven't gotten to fly in forever, I LOVED to fly when I was younger and miss doing that! I am totally going to have to get a passport again (let mine expire--which I hate that I did) so I can travel the world in the future (I've always wanted to go to Australia and France (when I took French in school loved it!) for sure!) and my daughter says Ireland is magnificent too.

Tawnya

By the way, {{Pearl}} I took your advice and told a friend of mine today actually about it. I told her that I knew she would listen and not be all soppy about it, which is what I wanted to NOT be again today, esp at work LOL (she's my work bud), so I was glad I did..one more step in my process of working off my "skeletons"

Tawnya

okayyyyyy..so I will have to check at DA Club to make sure I don't get kicked out (LOL) but so I texted hub just now to tell him about getting my cable hooked up and he CALLED ME twice (I didn't answer the first time)..what the heck??? So he was all "what did you get for your cable service" and said "You got the hook up right there dear"..WTH?? why are you calling me dear (but it wasn't like a sweet dear and I don't like that word anyway LOL)?? AND I was just talking to him normal but not like "woo excited to hear from you" and he was like "what's wrong? why do you sound like you are irritated about something"? OK..I'm having a Pearl "what the ???" moment right there?! Sheesh..and I was like "no..I'm at work.." then switched and asked when son was coming back home, told him I was fine with either tomorrow or Sun..and to have son lemme know..

Ugh..I'll be glad when this switching stuff is done cause no contact actually is totally fine with me :P

Tawnya

(((Tawnya)))

Glad you're having a better day. And super happy to hear about your trip! Travelling is something I love to do and have been taking advantage of since all this happened. I'm off to Portland the first weekend of March and also need to book a weekend in Minneapolis today. Wow, where did the time go?

This is why we get along so well...my favorite trip was to Australia and I took French in school because I really wanted to go to Paris! (Of course by the time I went to Paris it wasn't as magical as I had anticipated, but will chalk that up to xBF! ) Haven't been to Ireland yet but it's on the list. Have been to Scotland and adored it. It's my second favorite place.

No big 2x4s for the text, but maybe a little slap on the wrist for answering H's call. Depends on how far you're taking NC. But I would suggest not answering at all and then responding later if you determine it's a necessary convo (which this was). When you do talk, be sure to keep to the point and end it first.

I'm so happy you felt you could tell someone there. The butterfly is starting to emerge...