I'm here for you sweets. By the way, why did you choose your user ID ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
(((DQ)))...thanks for your caring and prayers. I don't know if I'm one tough chick or one dumb chick sometimes, lol. I hope I'm finished with the eggshells. It's been one long, strange year. When I was involved with OM, I quit walking on eggshells because I flat out DID NOT CARE what H said or thought anymore. His personal attacks just seemed stupid then. I felt strong and confident. Then that R sort of dissolved but I still felt very confident. Wasn't sure what to actually DO...but I felt strong in myself. Then H got sick..and that just turned everything upside down, or maybe sideways because it was already upside down by then. And going thru that whole process and then REALLY separating from OM...got me back in old patterns I guess. The main difference from a year ago is that I think I am facing up to things now, and being honest and telling people finally. Right or wrong...OM made it "safe" to say things, to talk about my feelings, to open up. So that was a big turning point for me. Then it took a year to try and settle out THAT sitch, and get back to where I started, but with a new perspective.
(((2gthr))) Please don't apologize. And you don't have to read my history. I am in the niche of having mental instability in my spouse, whether it's from alcohol or exacerbated by it, who knows. But I probably don't even belong here. More than one person has said I have one of the most complicated sitches on the boards. Although, everyone has a purpose, even if it's just to serve as a warning to others. ha ha. Thanks for your moral support.
((( j ))) Well, sounds like you've lived in my house then. Al Anon is giving me so much support and guidance and is taking away a lot of the fog that rests here. I think my life is definitely going to change now, for the better...what that chapter reads as, I'm not sure yet. But it's not going to be the same as the last one!
((( dudess, smartcookie, and marriedcrazy ))) You know I love all you guys. :-) Thanks for being my friend during all this nuttiness, mine included. Breakaway...yeah...there are are a lot of meanings to that word...I actually stole it off a friend who used it on a different forum once...she laughed and said, you stole my quadruple-entendre handle??! Do I ride on down the road in a breakaway? Do I shoot and score on a breakaway? Do I go in the china cabinet and start breaking away? lol
I think I might take a bit of a breather from here for a few days and just do some GAL stuff, have fun...etc. The weather is going to be nice here, might as well start enjoying it.
understood. Sometimes the whole GAL thing is a lot easier when you are not reading about it, but actually doing it. Sorry the childhood story rang so true for you, but then, maybe it's ringing true for your boy's lives now. Damn.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I just read this part, I hear a lot of similarities to my stitch... think we may be close in the race for complicated. Having said that, I just wanted to say "hi" you are obviously not alone, and unfortunately in a very special club. LOL (I'm in a good mood tonight) It's tough, I did give my H the choice to stop or leave and he left - things continued the same until I stopped contact the first in Jan. He is now 37 days sober, in IC for the same amount of time. Still self centered but starting to see more clearly. If that helps. I see you have a lot of support. Need more, I'm here too.
my father got sober but the first time, he thought that "not drinking" meant he wasn't an alcoholic and was all better. He relapsed. Then he got sober and entered a program for recovery and then he got a lot better, and then we had a real relationship. Sadly, by that time, he did not have long to live and the damage his drinking had done to his body led to liver cancer and he passed away after only a few years of sobriety...But I'm grateful for those years, as I am for the first 8 years before he began drinking heavily.
The difference is that there is a lot more to recovery than just not drinking. But that first part, being sober, has to happen before any of the other good stuff.
Also the fourth step for my dad, (in AA and yes, I'm biased in favor of it, but am disclosing...) was a deal breaker for him the first time...taking a fearless moral inventory of the damage they've done and making amends, was just too damn hard for him (should not be called "fearless" cuz it is so scary...but anyhow...)
Taking responsibility for their actions, drunk or not, sick or not, is a HUGE crucial terrifying thing to do. If they/we can get thru that, there's some real hope and I have so much respect for those who have...
I hope no matter what happens to your M, Kass, that you can support him in his recovery. Your kids will thank you for it someday.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Love you too sweets. Enjoy the gorgeous weather. You're valuable and special. Don't settle for less than.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I just read this part, I hear a lot of similarities to my stitch... think we may be close in the race for complicated. Having said that, I just wanted to say "hi" you are obviously not alone, and unfortunately in a very special club. LOL (I'm in a good mood tonight) It's tough, I did give my H the choice to stop or leave and he left - things continued the same until I stopped contact the first in Jan. He is now 37 days sober, in IC for the same amount of time. Still self centered but starting to see more clearly. If that helps. I see you have a lot of support. Need more, I'm here too.
I think my H given the choice of addiction or his family, he will choose addiction. But of course, I don't KNOW that. That's just my guess. I thought about that...and decided that if he WOULD choose alcohol..then I'd rather know that now (or the near future).
the sooner you know, the better. For ALL concerned. Just mho. Besides, wouldn't it be great if you were "wrong" and he chose family?
It was the ONLY thing that ever got thru to my dad...losing all of us and not being able to blame my mom for "Brainwashing" us...
ME: "No dad, I was there for the Saturday night crazies and it was all you and your beers and wine. Don't know if you forgot them b/c of the alcohol or if you are in denial, and blocked it out, but I saw what I saw..."
A week later he was back in AA and taking it seriously. I'm one of 9 kids with whom he had similar conversations after my mother left him. I know none of those conversations would have happened if she had not left him.
That was my experience as a child. I'm not saying either way what you need to do. Besides, I get the feeling you'll find your way just fine thank you!
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Al Anon is giving me so much support and guidance and is taking away a lot of the fog that rests here. I think my life is definitely going to change now, for the better...what that chapter reads as, I'm not sure yet. But it's not going to be the same as the last one!