"Just my opinion, but there's WAY too much self-diagnosis leading to LABELS."
What is this? Bill.. finally "getting" it? (There was some sarcasm in that post)
I question if it is "self-diagnosis".. or just the "common" thought.
How much do we feed into the thoughts of others?
"Labels give us something to point our fingers at. They give us something to hide behind. They become rationalization for our actions."
And this is very clear.
Yet.. how do we stop.. rationalizing our actions?
Why do they need "it"? (rationalization)
"Choose whatever labels we want, the bottom line is that we all have a CHOICE."
And that "choice".. becomes.. who we are. I like labels. Not really sure why.. but I do.
I have been label'd .... well just fill in the blank with any negative idea you can come up with.
In the end.. that does not really matter.
If you can overcome the "label" you will go far in life.
"What it takes for an individual to find the motivation to change destructive behaviors is different for all."
Yet to me.. in that statement lies the "key" to winning.
The "destructive" behavior .. well.. it is just "in" us.
When we can "see" it.. we can change it. Never underestimate.. the power of YOU. Kalni.. has posted about.. all her powers. And yet at times.. seems to underestimate them. To me she just has not "rolled" it all together yet.
"I am upset I wasnt stonger when he said he wanted back"
You were just going with what you know.. and what you wanted. Where you not?
"I am upset I caused pain"
Why?
"I am upset I feel stupid"
Why?
"I am upset because if he came back tomorrow with an "I love you, cant live without you" theme, i will actually think about it all over again"
Are you being abused?
Please do not answer that question.
"I am upset because this is not healthy"
Yet you wanna fight me some when I tell you things that might help?
"I am mad at him for chickening out, again"
Hmm.. you had to add the.. again!!
"He wont even fight for me, fight for time, beg for understanding... I would beg steel and lie to get a second chance if I loved the person I hurt deeply."
Was this a test? Or did you go at this.. 100%. What you would do.. is not important. You have the job.. of making him fight for you.. cause that is what you want. You may have to "sacrifice" something to make that happen. Is that what you want?
"Choices"!!!
Above labels.
You have that choice.
"I am slowing down, regrouping at the moment."
Can I ask you to be clear with what you want after this time?
If it is only me supporting you.. I will do my best.
So long story short.. it seems a "choice" must be made.
Good Morning..
Smile.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Bill, my post about being more passive aggressive meant exactly what you said. I agree with you 100%. I think if we "squeeze" enough a person's behaviors he/she will definitely fit in one of the labels existing, no doubt... There are some cases when people make a choice and use labels possibly to explain or justify, still they are making a choice and we are to respect that choice.
Honestly, in my life with H I made so many mistakes... Big ones,repetitive behaviors that were not...nice. He did too. With his inaction he seemed to be the person suffering more by my "overwhelming" personality, the truth was he was controlling our life by wanting less of anything/everything and my struggle was to convince him to want more. Ok, this maybe a bit confusing in English.
Anyway, in my country, these labels you are talking about hardly exist. We dont use them as much. IC/MC are not so popular and therefor good therapists are hard to find. So, I am not so eager to find labels for everybody, I am not familiar with these terms. I am more looking if my behavior of the past can be explained.
Forrest, I want to make a decision and be happy with it. I know I am tiring. It wasnt a test. I want my life to move on. I want to be ok, happy if possible. Too much damage is done. I think. Yes I would want him to fight for me for this "M" to stand a chance.
I am not fighting you when you tell me things that might help. I am listening. You said proceed with the D. I am thinking the same thing. Our difference, I dont see that decision as a way to motivate him. I see it as the end. K
Good Morning!!! NO work for me today. I'll be flying kites...
I LOVE to fly kites! The kids get them every year for Easter. I already picked out the ones for this year. They are nice big ones and we picked one up for DH, too, as he will be home right after Easter.
Have fun and let the God breezes clear your mind and fill your heart!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Go with your gut instinct, thats what you tell me, what does your gut tell you ? Nevermind all this analysis and debate and reasoning.. listen to your heart not your head, pay attention to your dreams, your intuition. You are a Piscean, thats the level you operate on, trying to do it any other way, through reason and thought and logic wont 'work'. Trust your gut, what do you imagine yourself doing? You know what I dream about.. thats the goal I am heading towards, what do you daydream about? (as you dont dream at night!)
I cant seem to say fairer than that anymore, trust your inner voice, your intuition...
I like Ali's thought of the inner voice. Trust it as it is usually right.
Once you reach your decision point, be sure to follow through w/out wavering. Be committed to your choice and you'll be fine. Don't allow yourself to 2nd guess your choice once it is made.
If you aren't ready to make a firm decision at this point, then don't. Why rush it if you aren't sure. On the other hand, if it is time, then it is time.
