Never feel guilty about screening your calls, even to your parents. That's what caller id is for! But make sure you call them back at some time, because you know that they are going to worry about you. If you don't return the call when you feel up to it, you know they are just going to use that key and surprise you!
Just like Kel, the thoughts I have for your H are pretty harsh too.
Sweetie, I think you are going to have to reach deep and grow a set of balls to deal with this man.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I went online and paid her phone bill for her on Friday, when she hadn't gotten it yet. So we discussed what to do with her and her money needs.
How about letting the ow step up here?
I know you are the girls stepmom, and I wouldn't give up your relationship..but I sure wouldn't let H think I was still accepting all of the responsibility as long as he is taking all of his "perks" elsewhere.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Hey Hope, not sure what you mean by let the OW step up here. SD has never met her and doesn't want to. She is living with her mom right now and she doesn't have any money either, she borrows from SD. Yes, H said he is tired of giving her money. I was always the one before that would balk at giving her money when she lived at home. With her out of the house she needs to figure something out. I have emailed her and asked her what she needs the money for now since I paid her phone bill on Friday.
You know, none of us want to see our kids suffer and she is like your own but I think maybe at this point, with the circumstances being what they are and her not being a child, that you should just say we are supporting 2 households and can barely afford that so we can't keep bailing you out. If H chooses to sacrafice things to give to her, that is up to him but I think it is probably time to let her go it alone a bit.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
I would just say something to H like, if it isn't going to be "us" any longer, than "you" need to be the one to figure our what to do with her and her money needs.
Not that I would want you to drop your SD ..but don't you see, your H is still counting on you to do the responsible stuff, and you ARE doing it, while he comes in and out of the R as he pleases.
He knows that you are waiting for him.
He needs to think you are not going to be.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I do think that the money from us is about to dry up. I do... I think of her as being mine too, she lived with us all but a year and 1/2 of the 15 years we have been together. My Mom has always said I have been her rock, her mother has never been much or any help for her, and I am the one who has been with her. So it isn't just like I can say I am not going to be here for you just because your Dad is an idiot. I will always be there for her and I have told her that. She has even asked if H and I do D if my mom and dad will still be her grandparents?
Yes, I know H still counts on me to be responsible, that is my nature. I can't play a game with him on that instance where she is involved. I feel like I would be punishing her for what her dad is doing. I know she needs to step up and take responsibility for her actions, and that is something that her mom has always done, blame everyone else for her problems. She made her problem bigger by not getting her degree when she said she was. I am ready to tell her no more money, you have got to find something somewhere, but I am not ready to tell her I am not going to be here for her.
I don't want you to feel like I don't appreciate your advice, ever I always do! SD's mother isn't anyone that can be relied on and I am the only one who is stable right now in her life.
I think you missed my point. I would not alter your relationship with her one bit...I would never suggest that you not be there for her, but I would stop discussing it with your H like you were still together.
Still be responsible, just do it as you, not as "us" (you and H)
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
