hey K, sorry you are upset! Sounds like you have had another hard day with this.
Yes, why dont you go over there? But instead of 'letting him have it' (why all this anger??) why not just tell him what you tell us - that you are scared, panicking and it's not so much about the practical issues, but the idea of a solid family, the fantasy I suppose.... tell him you dont want a D???
Seems like getting mad and impatient and saying "you cannot go on like this" may have led him to conclude you did?? So if you hate it so much, why did you tell him that?
I'm a bit confused as to what you are upset and mad about... you went to see him yesterday and said..
"I told him I cant wait. He then asked if that meant we should move on to D immediately and I told him I see no reason stalling. He said ok and asked again if he should call the lawyer tomorrow. I said yes."
...so, did you not mean that then? Is that NOT what you want? Do you think HE is a mindreader!? (as you said in page 1 here that you cant be a mindreader or fill in the blanks for him). Maybe its time to be really really honest with yourself.. and then your H???
Or.. this is what you want, but you are just grieving it, which is I am sure only natural?
I'm only trying to help here (as always) but your actions and then reactions dont seem to bematching up !?
A solid family is a happy family. How long has it been since you were all truly happy together? Comfortable in each other's presence at all times with no second guessing what the other is really thinking?
That is the question I asked myself when I started panicking about the same thing. The fantasy I had of what our family was was quickly overridden by the reality of how we had really been interacting and just existing together.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Take a break K. Find a way to do it and do it. You have friends who live at the coast, right? Can't you go to them for a long weekend? Give H the kids and go. You need that for you now to process all of this again.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I said May didnt I.. whatever happens. Maybe you should take a break between now and then.. I am going to have to. I know now its at least 2 months, maybe 3. I even said, by May we will feel better, but maybe it will take till June/July for things to happen. So.. yes, take a break, a siesta, a diversion... what wil be will be. There has always felt like some kind of horrible inevitability about all of this, I cant explain it.
I know its scary, I still feel like I am moving, slowly, eyes squinting in the dark... but it wont be long, a matter of months now, I promise !!!!!
I would love to go down to a little restaurant near the Aegean with you and share a bottle of red wine and laugh and cry over all of this. You deserve to be angry. He said he wanted back. He stopped you when you were moving ahead with your own life. He saw you were happy and found a way to overpower it with the same old hurt you thought you were finished with. And when push came to shove, what did he do? Nothing. Or awfully close to it.
It's time to refind the happiness you were beginning to find in September. When life held out promise to you. That was the Sunshine I think of when I think of you. You can do it. You have that within you. You need to go back to your art, or whatever centers you, expresses your true personality. And then work outwards from there. If I were there I would teach you my dances.
Here is a little blog about the Venus retrograde..Julie Demboski
"The Sun opposes retrograde Saturn on Sunday, signalling the halfway point in the retrograde cycle. You should feel a shift in matters related to the House of the natal chart where Saturn is now transiting, a loosening, a promise that the delay won’t last much longer. Good news that may renew patience and effort on our parts."
oh my god.. can we never escape the patience word !!?? lol
Think about resending one of the emails. During Venus retrograde, might be a good time, to 'go over old ground' and resend something from before, for him to cogitate on !
Help! Explain that to me in layman's terms, as I am astrology stupid and since I am in the same cycle as you and K, I want to understand. Had a strange phone call with DH today. My part of the call was over 30 minutes and felt weird, but i cannot explain how it was weird.
I got patience down, God has really helped me with that. But, I have to admit, it flags ever now and again.
You know that I will support you whatever you decide. You are my friend and I love you. However, I do think that FINALLY your H is starting to get it. I know that even if you file, you still have a year wait. I know you are tired and frustrated and want to move on with life, whatever moving on entails. Trust me, I know, I really do. But,(and you knew there was going to be a but) you have admitted you are not welcoming, you are distant, you want more and you want him to figure it out. Sweetie, I don't think he knows the new Maria and you scare him now. You are strong, confidant, independent. you have proven you do not need him. I get the feeling that he NEEDS to be needed. Not for what he can provide financially, but for who he is.
I remember you having a quote on your FB that said " I don't love you because I need you, I need you because I love you." Does he know this? Have you gotten so far from that that you can not find a little bit of that love to show him?
Living God's blessings with grace an ddignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
you don't have to explain a thing to me. I get it.
How can I help ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
