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T

not that I can tell you what to do..., but would you mind putting that ring back on.

even if not 4 U ..would you do it for your brother. it would mean a lot. i don't think it will harm you to still wear it.

you will make me smile if you take my advice.


have a nice day T.

love

your bro' ..T

{{Tomato}} while I appreciate the advice, I hope you can look at my post objectively and see that I have come an amazingly far way in learning about ME and what I know to be true..so I can't do it and I don't want to, sometime down the road I could change my mind, as we are all a work in progress..but, for now, for ME, no..

Hopefully you will smile either way and I appreciate your caring

Tawnya

hmmmmmmmmm. i am thinking. can U smell the smoke?


peace be in your heart T

from T

I think it is completely Tawnya's decision whether to wear her ring or not. Like she says, she's on her way to loving herself and finding out what she wants from a marriage. If she finds out that her H cannot/will not provide her the M she wants, she can decide not to want the M back.

Not to put words in your mouth Tawnya, but you sound to me like you have not made that decision yet, but you feel like you are moving that way and that's OK! It's your M!

For me, my ring has been a source of strength. I have worn it the whole time and continue to wear it. I lost it working in the yard around Thanksgiving and felt naked without it. I then thought what kind of BAD sign is this!? However, after a few agonizing days I found it back with a borrowed metal detector and it turned into a GOOD sign, hopefully representing my sitch. I also continue to wear it to show my W that I am not "shopping" around, which, right now, turns out to be important since she considers me "looking great and ready to date".

{{{Sam}}} I actually truly feel like I have moved that way and I feel so amazingly "peaceful" (my stepsister said that last night)about it..that I almost feel bad for feeling this okay with it..

Aww {{Sam}} love that story about the lost and found ring and that you are "looking great and ready to date" LOLOL..hope you are doing WELL today and thank you for the support

Tawnya

Yeah, and that's not me saying that! Those are my W's words from her email! Sounded funky when I wrote it since it rhymes!

LOL..I was noticing that rhymed Sam Very cool that she noticed that!! Must have done WONDERS for your PMA...

Ok..so ARGH..rant on (look out and hide the dishes LOL)::::SO..I finally get the separation agreement that my hub has taken forever to get to me from his lawyer, get a copy from hub in my email. So..in this he proceeds to state that he would 1) take the Durango (which has not been decided on) 2) Have my son on (surprisingly) odd numbered years holidays (so starting this year naturally) 3) Thinks he would cut the alimony in half a year from now, when divorced and then TOTALLY cut it off a year later???!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dunno what the heck he's thinking with that..but I was furious when I read it..and still am to be honest

BUT..so now I have to go to my lawyer and we have to rework it..and so it goes

Tawnya

Tawnya,

Just hang in there. The legal wrangling is not fun, I know because I am in the midst of it. Here is some advice my friend and colleague gave me. Funny he had to remind me, I negotiate for a living but it is so easy to forget when it is oneself: Just accept that it will be an unpleasant thing, be prepared, protect yourself and try not to dwell on it all any longer than is necessary to hash out the details and then, just move through it.

Ask your attorney about how long alimony can last - hint from your friendly employment lawyer, there is a legal standard in this state that is used as the starting point for these negotiations and your attorney will know it (um, or certainly should know it).

V.

{{{T}}},

Sorry about the "bad news papers" - upside I agree with V that there are usually state laws about things - don't worry until you confirm that detail. I also agree, be prepared to fight for what you want and then step away from it. It is all a game anyway, there is a lot of negotiation which means you don't have to accept anything and you can ask for anything.(just don't expect to get it all)Also, remember this -how badly do you want the separation? I wanted my peace of mind more.

talk to me later.

{{{V}}} actually YOU told me the legal starting point in this state way back when..LOL..so yeah..my lawyer actually will laugh at that for sure..it just annoys the CRAP out of me that my hub thinks, what? I don't "DESERVE" to be taken care of, he doesn't want anything to interfere with his "new me time and money"?? I mean..that's the part that is just annoying and has always been something that he is against, the alimony part..I just shake my head about it!?! GOOD advice not to keep it rolling around in my brain, and I won't and already am not going to dwell on it cause I know it's a ridiculous "offer" LOL!

I have already decided I'll just talk to my lawyer and, for as much as I can, let him deal with the ins and outs of it..

{{{Kassie}}} yeah I do want the peace of mind for sure, but, at the same time, I also want peace of mind for the FUTURE, if it was just me I was having to think about, it would be very different, but with my 2 kids and one still gonna be at home for the next at least 5 years..I just can't allow him to try to doormat me. I'm just hoping to find a middle ground for my sanity LOL

Anyway..thank you all for listening and helping me with that..and thank you to AMY for getting mad with me and looking up stuff for me..LOL..that was so great and I appreciate it more than you know!!!

Tawnya