It made me really ask the hard question, "Do I really want my ex back?"
Funny, it made me think the same thing too....Does Trusting really want her H back ???
Quote:
I also think you should let go of the vitriol toward ow.. she is not a 'whore', shes a human being like the rest of us. Perhaps it would be more healing for you to exercise some forgiveness toward her. I dont hate my ow, I just feel that she is not his soulmate and that her R with him is not even fair on HER, as my ex thinks about me all the time.
This is something I too agree with. It's liberating and it sets you free, once you can see things in this way.... When you're ready you too will find this... For now, ponder the question ...'do you really want your H back'...
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Some thought provoking things here. However, in my sitch I am finding more and more of my Hs family telling me how 'wonderful' OW is. The most recent was 'how wonderful she must be to have taken in my S16'. She did not 'take him in' I asked his father to have him for a week. That was nearly 12 months ago and it broke my heart that H convinced S16 to stay with him. She has my son in her house b/c H wanted it and not b/c she 'took him in'.
My point here is that adultery, whichever way you look at it, destroys lives. Whilst I agree it is my H who ultimately destroyed our M SHE was part of it and chooses to continue to be. She therefore, IMHO, is therefore complicit in helping to destroy those lives. In my case OW may not have known immediately that H was M with 3 kids but she soon found out and she CHOSE not to walk away. Her actions, whatever their intentions, ARE hurting MY children and being the matriarchal defender that I am I'm not sure I can ever (and should ever) forgive someone who willing hurts innocent children.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Long ago, another posted commented that she saw H as not terrible, but weak.
OPs and WASs might be cruel and mean, too, but at least in my sitch, I see OW (OG, really) as a needy little girl and H as an emotionally strung out and immature man.
H was the really weak one. This is more forgivable than outright cruel.
And Trusting? I know what you mean when you say you aren't sure if you want him back. I struggle with this, too.
But if you think you do, softening will be good.....
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
She disclosed things to me that she has been keeping to herself for quite some time.
She is very very worried about her father. He has told her he has thought about killing himself.
His business is failing.
He has no money.
My daughter told me that for the last 3 months there has been no food in his house.
He never sleeps.
He never spends time with them. He just drops them off at his house and leaves and does not come back until morning.
He blows up at my 17 year old inappropriately and according to my daughter is very verbally abusive to him and physically abusive to him. My daughter told ex that she feels very uncomfortable with how he treates her brother and ex said, "then don't watch".
Ex rents a town house and my daughter told me there are many things in the house that do not work anymore, i.e. faucets, garbage disposal, washer, etc...
Ex is very forgetful and often does not make any sense to her.
Rages for no reason.
I need advice folks, this is a little too much for me to handle right now.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
T I would do what is nessesary to protect your kids enough these Mlcers leave, the kids dont need to be abused by him If it were my kids, I would get them out of there..even do sipervised vists..physical, amotional abuse is unacceptable
as far as H goes, that is harder maybe he needs to go to C, but only he can chose it unless ofcourse you see real mental illness or breakdown you have to use your judgement Maybe talk to your X, so you can get a better idea of if you can help him good luck peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Wow Trusting that list is a big list. I know you have thought for a long time that your h has been depressed. Now it is evident.
Children sometimes have a tendancy to exaggerate, so you need to talk with your son as to how he feels he is being treated. I would also probe into the physical and verbal abuse. What does that look and sound like.
So what I am saying here is you need to get the facts and then you can make an informed decision about next steps, like C for h and the kids, getting your h in to see a Dr. You will need to discuss with h once you have more info.
Good luck!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
My daugher tends to play down situations rather than exaggerate. This is what bothers me.
Ex just emailed me last night. The first time in months. He wants to meet with me on Saturday.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Good Trusting then meet with him. Listen to what he has to say. I wouldn't bring up above yet that should be a separate meeting. He wants to meet with you so hear him out.
When you meet though you just need to listen and validate. You don't need to say much. Do you have any idea what he wants to meet you about?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
