Thank you Tia and MB! Today was the day. My D is final, but the games have begun.
So once the D was filed, XH was going to pick up the paperwork from my atty and waive his right to contest-this was so we could get it over with. Remember-he is supposed to get remairried. He sends me a text the night before and asks me if I would ever take him back-I said no.
Then he says he doesn't want the D-he is lonely. Am I sure now that this is what I want.
WTF?!!! He just told me he is getting remarried. He has been a complete ass and a cheater the entire marriage. While I was pregnant and throughout the entire first year of our son's life. Now he wants to resist and he tries to use my son as a bargaining tool. He had a trip planned outside our custody agreement for May. I said it was fine, then he said ooops-I meant April. He just took him for a week in the beginning of the month. I resisted. He said he would fight for custody-I relented. Then the swine flu out break then he tried to change plans on me last minute and I said no. He cannot just change plans and travel to Hawaii when the agreed upon place was Cali. We went back and forth and he said-well I could have lied and taken him anyway without telling you.
I told him if he ever did that he would be in violation of a court order and I would have his ass arrested.
Today he leaves for his trip, sans our son. We worked out where he could have S 2 weekends in a row when he gets back since he will miss his weekend. But Mother's Day is my day. Then he txts me and tries to be an [censored] and say that I am denying him his kid because of mothers day and that I shouldn't have memorial day because it is his weekend, blah blah blah.
He threatens again about custody. He wants 50/50. I am livid. Today the D is final and I feel like he is using my son to have leverage and control still in my life. I have tried very hard to foster a relationship with him and his son and have been more than accomodating. All he has to do is ask and I let him see and spend time with his boy. Now he is attacking me all the time about this. He will miss his weekend, and according to the D papers, if he misses his weekend, oh well-but I decided to make it up to him.
I am not sure how to handle this. I am finally D'ed from him, but he is using my son. Is this a power thing for him? How does one neutralize the situation. For the record, XH has been diagnosed with Antisocial personality disorder and I suspect he is NPD as well. I did not want a long drawn out custody dispute to spare the ugly details and my wallet. He was also kicked out of the military for unethical behavior. I know that if we went to court that stuff goes in my favor-but he is a pathological liar-and charming and persuassive. I know he has spread a bunch of lies to his family about me already. He is now the poor victim in all of this-but they have seen the way he has treated me for years!
Oh well-sorry for the long rant. I thought when this day came, there would be some peace, but I was sadly mistaken.
Hey Tango! Sounds like D is not as peaceful as hoped. Sorry to hear that. I truly am.
I suspect that if you give it time, it will eventually die down. He won't be able to keep this up for ever. He'll eventually get distracted by something else. Hang in there.
Glad to hear about your other man. Sounds like you're having some fun there and learning to be friends with a person who would like that. Take your time and enjoy it. You deserve some happiness
Take care, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
