Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Probably should be in Piecing, but Going to Stay

Thanks Mel. You know, those are simple ideas, yet I haven't done that in a while. I think I am going to do that soon. Good idea.

I don't know if it is my hormones or what.....The last week and a half or so I have been waking up between 3 and 5 in the morning (usually get up at 6:30ish) and I can't get to bed. Instead, I usually have some memory of something bad I have done. It's like I am finally remembering every awful thing I did during the affair time. The things I hadn't even thought about up until now. New things. The fog has definitely cleared. You know, I hear people talk about their WAS and say "How do they sleep at night?" I'm living that....I don't sleep well. At least right now. Maybe it is because it is Lent, and in church we are talking a lot about the cleansing of our sins and having a clean heart. I'm not sure. Whatever is happening, it is really purging all of my sins from the past few years to the surface.

I remember telling Sara if I still had the trouble with my past and letting go by the first of the year, I would seek help. I thought I was doing ok up until the last couple weeks. Maybe I do need to see someone, but I'm not sure. I just think I am facing these things that I didn't remember before and it is something I need to do. Maybe I should talk to a pastor again.

Something else I've noticed. I can barely watch the news anymore or any "based on life" movie that is hard to watch (like the Changeling). I used to be the type that didn't cry much in movies. Now, they seem to affect me right to the heart and soul. It's disturbing. Before, I'd watch the news/movies, and maybe say, "WOw, that's awful," etc. but now it really "gets me". I don't know if it is hard because I know how easy someone can do these awful things and that is scary in itself. It puts me on edge about my son, and family, etc? I was more naive about people and saw more good in them than evil before? I don't know. I have really done a number on myself. I'll never be the same. I've lost this innocent part of me, and I know I've changed my husband forever as well.

Hang in there WDID. This type stuff had to happen sooner or later. It's all part of the process of getting through it. It will get better.

I'm so glad you posted this. After my weekend, I've been pretty down but this post made me think that maybe that's what my W is going through. Take a look at my sitch and see if it sounds like it to you.

Keep your chin up. You've changed for the better. It'll just take time to get through it.

Wdid, I'm thinking although annoying, those feelings and memories you're having are good. Clear signs you're defogged. I think that's a good thing. And I feel the same way too. Things bother me way more than they used to; it's almost like I used to be living life on automatic pilot or something and now I'm not anymore. But I also think that's a good thing too. (((((wdid))))

Maybe it is like cleaning out your memory closets. I actually took my ex's number off my cell and his parents too. Ok I still haven't gotten to his clothes and books and albums but I will. I think it would be good to talk to someone but you know you can always talk to us too.

This site me got out of my funk faster than my C but then again I had been going to her for quite a while. Maybe everything just clicked. Don't be so hard on yourself. I am rooting for you.

kat