YR how did you deal with the anger, resentment towards your h? Did you stay friends or were you mostly dark with him while he was away? How did you forgive him and was that before or after he came home?
What was it like once he moved home? How did you keep from blurting out the past?
Thanks YR. You are such an inspiration for us all.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
you know what is hard to take ? How long they take to un-entwine themselves from ow...they actually worry about hurting their feelingspuleeeeze...they dont want to leave them high and dry.....it took my about a year to disengage completely from her. He fell back in her clutches for 6 months after he moved home another 6 before he got her a$$ out of his apt. I thought i would never be clear of that thing. I realize i let him home before he was thru his journey
Last edited by a new 2moro; 03/02/0905:52 PM.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
The anger and resentment was very hard to let go. I finally had enough and went to a C. She really helped me make it through all of the emotions I was feeling.
In the beginning I really tried to stay friends. He really didn't care what I did. He couldn't get away fast enough. When I found this site is when I started to detach from him and let him go. Towards the end my H would confide in me with different things and even about the OW. I kept my mouth shut and listened and validated.
I did go dark several times thoughtout. He would poke his head out and want to come home and then of course I let him. Each time he came home I saw changes in him so I hung on.
At the very end I had had enough of everything. He was running back and forth between me and the ow. He kept telling he wanted to come home for good and then started all over with the ow. I finally had it out with him and told him not to come over, call or anything. I didn't want to do this anymore. I told him that he needed to work through this on his own and I broke all contact.
A few days later he called and left message on my machine that I missed me and missed heasring my voice, etc. I didn't call or pick up. This went on for a while and then finally I picked up one dasy and he was sobbing. He had told me that he couldn't take it anymore, wanted to work on us but slowly, made an appointment with a C and went faithful for almost a year. He moved home 2 months later and left again in June for a couple of weeks. He has been home since.
The thing is you can't rush them. You have to give them time and when they are ready (some are never) they will get it together.
Patty is so right. The hardest thing was getting rid of the ow. It takes a while and they also go through withdrawl from the ow.
When he moved home is was a little strained at first. It takes a bit for the trust to come back and I told my h that he would have to show me that I could trust him again. He didn't tell me he loved me until 10 months after he moved home and then he put his wedding ring back on.
We talked alot about the whole sitch before and when he came home. He was very honest with me. We don't talk about it anymore and have put it in the past and moved on with a stronger and better M!
everyone says no R while there is OW, its true but I think a spouse can decide they want to be home while embroiled with OP. It takes a while for them to get there but at least they have that goal so to speak in their minds?
My H obviously wanted to be in the sanctuary of his home while he finished the major part of his crisis. YR's did too he just kept getting scared and went back to OW just in case it didnt work out? But he kept coming home to try and get it right. My H went back to OW in the R sense but didnt leave home....but he was afraid and wanted that fall back plan...stupid men
He kept feeling unwelcome, I think that was guilt playing into it. I was so trying not to put pressure on him those first 6 months. Maybe I did swing too far the other way?
YR does that make any sense?
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
So similar yet different my H is just now starting to talk about that time away and what drove him there and how it wasnt all it was cracked up to be , when the tide turned for him.....all this 18 months after he came home.....
Last edited by a new 2moro; 03/04/0902:16 AM.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I thought 
Like mine...He wants both ow and me to be happy and he is the happiest as he knows he has all of us.