Cinco please read my post to Lucky yesterday about the place to go that has loads of books to read. You posted right after me. The front page has a plant on it. Look around and sign up. I have wanted to tell you about it for some time now. I do believe you need to go there and get help. I really feel it is do or die right now with you and you need more help and other POVs like S&A to get you to where you need to be. I care to much about you ( and your Wife ) to see you throw this away.I would hate to see you throw away your M . Please go there... I won't take no for an answer. Do it for me. Gracias~ Alicia
I already have it bookmarked from a long time ago (I think S&A suggested my looking into it) and I did look at it. I promise I will look into again, but more deeply this time.
I am not throwing this away, I do want to make it work... It's just don't know what else I can do right now.
I will respond to the things that you have said, I am just running out of time today (ton of paperwork that I have to have ready in the morning). It may be tomorrow before I can answer. Thanks for giving me the tough answers that I need.
I just want to say that was mostly a rant and things have been better for us lately. I just keep waiting for a tiny bit of a sign of her joining me and I don't see it from her. I try to let go and just let her be herself... it's not an easy thing to do.
I'm sure I would feel better if I could find work. It just doesn't instill self-confidence to be unemployed for 5 months now. It really sucks.
I already have it bookmarked from a long time ago (I think S&A suggested my looking into it) and I did look at it. I promise I will look into again, but more deeply this time.
I am not throwing this away, I do want to make it work... It's just don't know what else I can do right now.
Cinco
I am holding you to your promise. The underlined part is why I suggest going there. There is a whole *small* community over there that will help you. I know you are busy but promise to check it out. You will be glad you did. I will see you there soon. I know your M is so important to you. You are very important to *me* CINCO. *YOU* WERE THERE FOR ME WHEN I WAS READY TO GIVE UP AND NOT SEE MY H AS HUMAN. I will never forget that. I remember your first post. I was ready to crucify you, you sounded like hubby. Underneath it all ? You are/were just hurting pretty bad. C you there~
No breakthroughs for Cinco. Just trying to decide when to leave.... Yeah that's right it's down to when now, there is no more if. I've waited far too long for this and wasted way too many years of my life waiting to live.
My Valentines Day? She gave me a card and some peanut M&M's. I gave her a card. As expected nothing happened, she didn't come to see me at the gig. The whole time I was there I was wishing I could get a passionate kiss from someone... anyone. It didn't happen.
Been following your roller coaster. You are probably right about being Mr. Nice Guy and if you take that a couple more steps you move on to the asking and waiting instead of telling. As in "We are ML tonite, so don't get into any long TV movies". or, "Let's hit the rack early so we can fool around." or, "I got us this bottle of great wine to take to bed with us tonite." About that bedroom TV, does it have a DVD player? pop some soft (or not) porn in to go w/the wine. There are selections geared more to what women like to see than men).
I'm not saying eliminate whatever pleasantness you do during the day/evening that amounts to early foreplay. You don't have to go into cave man mode, but be forthright, confident...she's showering B4 bed? Strip & join her. Happily, lovingly, playfully, whatever you're comfortable with and see it through. Don't be put off by whatever excuses come your way. Make it worth her while, of course, but don't quit, beg, be bummed if she demurs... insist. One of the coolest books I read (Obviously written for you guys, but I read it anyway) is Hold on to Your N.U.T.s*. Probably available at the library. Not long, nor heavy going, an easy read. 200 pages. Do it. Now. It will clear your head. No more going around in circles a hundred times. It is about having Non-negotiable Unalterable Terms.
I'm sure it will make sense to you and be a clear, orderly plan that will be much easier to work with than all of our well-meaning scattershot comments, observations and advice. It doesn't just advise, it tells you HOW to put it into pratice. Helps you to clear out all the mental clutter and pessimistic self-talk. A clear path instead of trying this, trying that, going back to...whatever. As they say, insanity is doing the same things over & over & expecting different results.
So off to the library first thing Thurs. & make the time to read it straight thru befor the weekend's over. Let me know what you think about the plan. Jayce
me: 66 H:60 2 adult sons 2 grandsons adult daughter deceased 5/05 me:Part time trainer H: plant suprv.
Jayce, I love all of your suggestions. She wouldn't like them though. The closest we have ever gotten to watching soft-ish porn together was Nip/Tuck the first few seasons, the Tudors and the Sopranos. No DVD in there anyway. Shower before bed used to be the signal. I have no idea what the signal is anymore. Oh and I CAN'T get in the shower with her EVER, that got cut off over 20 years ago... along with my balls I guess.
I'll look into Hold on to Your N.U.T.s*, can I go to my job interview first though? I've got one tomorrow morning... Yippee! Wish me luck ok?... I'll need it.
I will look at the book but it is still coaxing her into something she just doesn't want to do. The birthday episode was only fun because it felt like a conquest. "We are doing what I want whether you like it or not. I am gonna have fun in spite of you."....... Would have been more fun though if she had really enjoyed herself.
I'm at the point where she has to really decide if she wants to participate in this marriage or simply exist in it as is. I have to back away and let her decide. To do that I have move out for a time. I have tried stepping away while we are together and it just doesn't work. Also she needs the added shock of my leaving to get her really thinking.
You WILL see me there as soon as I can be, ok?
