(((Tim))) Thanks for the kind words. You are a generous man & I'll say it again.. I'm blessed for having you in my virtual life!
Always nice to come get an ego boost from you.
Whatever decision you make will have a huge impact on you and your D. I will say a prayer for you and I hope that whatever you decide that it makes you happy because you deserve it.
You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-- over and over announcing your place in the family of things.
One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice-- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do-- determined to save the only life you could save.
((((Lodo)))) My dear sweet friend...Deeply & sincerely thank-you. These touched my soul & I cried this morning reading them. I'm blessed to call you friend & confidant. You are especially keen in knowing just the right thing to share.
It has been a restless night, I am tired, the emotions are close to the surface. It is not a day I have to give to emotion... much to do in my 'life' today.
In making decisions for life past May, the practicality of finances & emotional tug of "saving my life", conflicts heavily with "mending others' lives", especially my daughters.
Everyone has an opinion, who knows me better than me? Who knows my daughter better than her father & I (& depending on the day, he agrees with me & then not)?
There will be other jobs, just not today, maybe not this month or this year.. .& then what?
There will be no other daughters to raise & parent, teach, guide, mentor for the next four years... & then what?
I'm not sure she'll choose to go with me, her choice to 'save her own life' may be on a different path than me saving mine at this point in time and I'm not sure I can leave her voice behind.
I'm sad & discouraged. Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
I feel your pain and the weight of your decision that you have to make. You D will be a key factor in this and I understand how hard it must be. We all sacrifice so much for our kids and I know that the job you put in for are not readily avaliable in your area. But will YOU be happy with another type of job for the next 4 years and do YOU really want to pass this opportunity up?
You deserve to be happy also so don't ever forget that while making this decision.
I know it's a hard decision. Live life to the best of your ability and strive to be true to yourself. It's all you can do. You may make mistakes or look back at a decision with regret, but that is what life is.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
