Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Oops!!.......I think I've dropped the rope!!

Hey friend, good for you on GAL. I dont know if you had to email your h regarding a schedule. Only do it if it is absolutely necessary.

I just looked into a gym myself. Need to lose 30 to 40 pounds. Having some health issues, the weight does not help.

Keep on moving forward. That class with your mom and daughter sounds like fun.

And trying out a class in college is a great idea. So proud of you, my friend.

Hey, [[[[[BM]]]]]

I always make the C appointments for the month and give them to H to put on his schedule and let me know if there is a conflict. This is because H and I alternate who is going to have the "two hour" (i.e. back to back sessions) with S17. That way we both have time in session with him. H is so busy with work, he doesn't have time to make the appointments himself and would probably sluff it off, but I think it's important for S17 that he stay involved so I do this, and then leave it to H to cancel if he needs to.

Also, S17 and I are going down to San Diego the end of March to pick up some of my Dad's stuff that my MIL has at her house. My dad died 2.5 years ago, but we flew down then and haven't been down there with the truck since then. We've always flown. We need to take the truck down there, so I let H know the dates, and I also told him if he wanted to see his Mom and help us do the driving, he was welcome to join us. As you see from the e-mail, he declined which I fully expected, and doesn't bother me a bit.

Guess what I also did.......I did a consultation with an Astrologer. It was really interesting. I asked if I was going to reconcile with my H and if so when.....I then provided her with the dates and times of our birth, and marriage, and some bare facts of my sitch......we are seperated.....didn't give her any specific history or issues in our M......This was her reply...



I chatted back and forth with her a few times after her answer. She was really nice and before I left work, I told her that if she saw anything else really great in my chart, to feel free and tell me! When I got home tonight, there was another e-mail from her that said ....



Now, I have never been "into" astrology, but I have always found it interesting that the traits attributed to different birth signs are often eerily correct. And I did not just go on line and find any "astrologer". I had read my horoscope the other day in the local paper, and it was really spot on. Specifically used the word "detach" and said I would find better success when I did. So, I noted the astrologers name and then did some searching on her, and found several endorsments and nothing that said she was a quack. So, whether or not I fully believe in it, I feel comfortable that she believes it, and is "legitimate".

Anyway, as I said, it was interesting, and I am not sorry I did it.

Take it easy, BM!!

SC it sounds like you are doing great in the detachment dept. It's always best to be busy to keep your mind off of h. You made it through V-day and your anniversery you are doing good. Those for me were both hard days early on. I was dreading them like the plague.

I am not into astrology, but the comments sounded interesting. The love of your life in 2010 could be your h in a new form. He he he!

Have any plans for the weekend?

I am not a big believer in astrology but that is really interesting. And great job, my friend, on detaching and zero expectations.

You are doing great SC!

Thanks, [[[[[BM & Glam]]]]]

I am feeling pretty good. I had a little "backslide" today....well not really....but sorta. H e-mailed me asking for my new address. I replied by just giving the address as he asked (no extra talk). But, then I followed up with another short e-mail question asking if he had his new phone number and e-mail at his new job. He replied telling me to only use his cell, and that he didn't have his new work e-mail yet. I then replied just asking why he needed my address. He said because he had a card for me from his mother and was going to forward it. I replied that he could just give it to S17 tomorrow when he sees him. He replied "yes". I then got to thinking and replied back to him that I hoped he would do me the courtesy of telling me if he was filing for D, and would not "surprise me" with it. He didn't reply.

I know, I know, I shouldn't have said anything, but I really wasn't angry.....I was just annoyed at his cagey, short, clipped answers. But, he called S17 this evening and I talked to him. No he's not filing. Annoyed at me that I even thought he might do that. Said it was a stupid question. (He's right it was). But we had an OK phone conversation and I was friendly and upbeat and told him it wasn't a big deal, I just wondered why he was being cagey and there was no reason to be. He said he only kept his answers short because he was on his palm-top, not his computer, so e-mail takes a very long time.

See, no big deal.......

I'm sure I'll get some guff for this, but I put my "profile" on a dating web-site. My C thinks that this is a good thing for my "self growth", to open myself to some experience with other men. I don't actually have to "date", but he thinks the contact with other "singles" my own age in a non-threatening "anonymous" environment would be a good thing.

In looking at the "write ups" on the site I am reminded that there are many fish in the sea but I have never even learned to "bait the hook". To be honest, the thought of going on a date with someone doesn't excite me....it makes me nauseous! But, I am an adult woman, and I want to be a more confident one. I still hope with all my heart that my H finds his way back to me. But I don't want to be with my H because I am afraid to be with anybody else! And so long as those fears and lack of self confidence is in me, I will never have a true equal relationship with my H or anybody!

The truth is that I have never missed having not experienced "being single" (since I have been with H since I was 17). Being "alone in a crowd" is petrifying to me. So, I do feel that this is a necessary step forward for me.......I hope you all understand. For me, this is NOT a step away from DB'ing. It's really quite the opposite.

SC I totally understand the part about being single. I met my first h in high school and we were together for 17 years and then when we split, I met h within a year, so I have either had a boyfriend or a h, all my life.

It's hard for me to be alone. Not that I don't enjoy myself or my own company, I just prefer to spend my life m. That's all.

Remember don't question your h, just let all he says and does just roll off your shoulder. Nothing wrong with the dating website. I did that in the beginning, just to peak. I posted a profile, but no pic and never contacted anyone. I am not even sure why I was on that website.

Hey, Glam.

Yes, I don't think I could ever be truly happy being alone. I'm a caregiver, so it's just not in my nature.

And thank you for your understanding on the dating site thing. I have only had one "wink" that I replied to. He is a divorced man whose kids live with him, and he is not the most handsome man......a little on the "chubby" side (like me), but he had a sweet smile and talked about friendship first in his profile, so I just replied to his e-mail with a couple questions on his sitch, and telling him where I was (just dipping my toe in the waters of singlehood and looking to do so VERY tentatively), but that I make a good friend.

I think that if I were to feel a real connection with someone, I would try to be open to that, but I would take things very slowly!! Definitely won't make any big "commitment" until after 2010 when the astrologer told me I would meet the love of my life! But, I am NOT looking for anything.

[[[[[[GG]]]]]]

Hey S, you are sounding great, my friend. Nothing wrong with being open about anything. And I hear ya. I have been with my h since I was 19.

Not as brave as you, but would never judge you on feeling that you need to take a peek.

Let me know how that goes.

Hey, [[BM]].

Thanks for your support. I did get a contact from a guy on the dating site and e-mailed him a reply. In his picture, he is a husky guy with a sweet smile (by no means "gorgeous"), and I just didn't have the heart to "reject" him.

So, in my e-mail, I thanked him for his contact and told him a little about where I was at as far as only just tentatively dipping my toe in the waters of singlehood, and if he didn't want to "waste his time" with me, because I wasn't ready to "jump in", that I understood. But, his reply to me was very sweet and he felt that no time spent with someone with a "caring soul" was wasted. So, I guess I have a new "on-line" friend to add to all my wonderful DB friends!

OK, I have another story for you.....

I was on the alt a couple days ago, and came across "the one that got away". As you know, I have been with my H since I was 17, and he was my first boyfriend. However, if I have what could be called "a past" this guy is it. This was another one of the sweet shy guys (can you tell I have a thing for them!). Anyway, I had liked this guy (I'll call him M), and on my 17th birthday, I had got up the courage to call him and invite him over to my party. Well, he was working and couldn't come to my party. And the next day, I met my H. After I met my H (at his brother's wedding reception), he flew back two days later to Oakland to the Submarine.

The following week, I ran into M again one night while out with friends, and we spent some time talking and he kissed me! And finally asked me out. Well, I went (it was my first date), and I am so embarassed but I was so nervous and you know my big mouth.....I told M about H!! I know!! Such poor form to talk about one guy while out on a date with another, but I had actually known M for several years and we had a friendship, so it didn't feel wrong to tell him. And it's not like he ever told me it botherd him or anything. And that night when he took me home, he gave me my first "real" kiss.....and let's just say that he was a VERY good kisser. A week later I saw him at the school when he brought his brother who was one of my classmates something. We chatted and he gave me yet another kiss then.

But, after that M didn't call me and about 6 weeks later, I got a call from my H whose submarine was coming to makes it's home port in San Diego, and he asked me out.....the rest is history. I saw M twice after that. Once was only about 4 months later. H and I were oficially "together" but he was at sea. I saw M at a friends birthday party. He came over and sat with me and was surprised and seemed a little hurt when I told him I had a boyfriend. I told him to not give me guff because he had his chance and didn't call. He said he was sorry and that he was working 12-14 hour days in his apprenticship program (which I knew he was). Before I left that night, he specifically came over and gave me a hug, and told me to make sure H treated me right.

The last time I saw M was 3 years later. H and I (with D who was 6 months old) flew back to CA so I could be in my best friends wedding. I had lost a LOT of weight (I'll never be that skinny again!). And H and I went out one night when my Mom agreed to babysit, and we went to a video arcade. I saw a guy playing a game and thought it was M. I walked up and leaned over to say Hi to him, and was so embarassed when he looked up and it wasn't him!!! So, I apologized to this guy and walked away to find my H, and I walked around a corner and right there 2 feet in front of me was M! He saw me, came over and gave me a hug. H came over and I introduced them. We played a game of air hockey together and chatted. And then said our goodbyes. I was always glad I looked so good the last time I saw him. And by the way, H knows all about him.

About 7 years ago, I saw a profile of M on Reunion.com and sent an e-mail, but he never replied. His profile said he lives in North Dakota and is happily married, which is nice. I never knew if perhaps he never got my e-mail, or if perhaps his memories of me are not as fond as my memories of him!

Well, on the alt the other day, I came across the profile of M's brother, T, who was also a friend of mine in high school (and I had a crush on him my Junior year......what can I say...I was a normal boy crazy high school girl...at least in my head....I was too chicken to ever actually "go after" a guy) Anway, I e-mailed T, and he replied! It was soooo good to hear from him and he remembers me fondly too. At his direction, I was also able to find M on FB too, and I have e-mailed him. I now wait with baited breath to see if he will reply!

And to add another little twist to soap opera of it all, my sister-in-law, K, who married H's brother, and was also a high school friend of mine, was M's date to his senior prom! (That was a couple years before I spent time with him). So, I forwarded her the e-mail from T so she can see what he's been up to. The three of them (M,T & K) used to car pool to school together since they lived far out of town.

Funny......

Life is funny and so weird sometimes, isnt it? Good for you for dipping your toes into life like this. I am not there yet, but I think its great that you are seeing possibilities.