Hi. Yep, pain it is. I just told two of our kids. My heart is breaking.
I never wanted to have to say those words to them. I never wanted this. I did everything in my power & then some. I just choose not to be walked on & ignored anymore.
Thank you. I am standing up for myself & my kids.
The interesting concept about Love Without Hurt is that as long as I allow H to walk on me, he isn't lined up with his core value. By me refusing to accept this type of treatment, he may eventually get closer to who God intended him to be in the first place.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
"I'd be down on one knee, begging "baby, what is it you need & want from me, whatever it is, we can work it out, you want me to leave, I'm packing a bag, you want me back, I'm back....." then, I'd keep going to IC, & prove to my woman that I am a new & improved man. I'd listen to her & make sure she knows that her wants come first. I'd date her & romance her from afar. I'd let her see miss me, & remember some of the fun times, & I'd try like hell to remember what it was that I was doing a year ago that had us in a motel for 3 nights having amazing sex."
"Statements like that are unfair and sort of demonstrate the presumptive mindset you appear to look at things from. It may not all be his evil intentions. He might just be a bonehead."
Or.. he may not understand.. Or.. he may be confused.. Or he may not know which way is up.
To me.. you both are "in sync" with that general thought.
If you end up right back where you started from.. you still both screwed up.
"He also underestimates me. He thinks I'm still the doormat. He doesn't know me. He never has. He never will."
This.. scares the heck out of me. I have no doubt in my mind.. he is thinking the exact same thing.. NO Doubt. Just add a s.. in front of every he.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Sorry that you had to tell a couple of your kids. I can't imagine how hard that must've been. I'll know soon enough, but I will wait closer to my D day as my kids are younger. BTW, you've got a beautiful family.
((SC)), Like NFC, WAW-disease is like a deadly cancer, you have to cut it out completely or it comes back. Besides, its very contagious so be careful not to spread it around. I believe you have tried a lot of things (mostly along the lines of Pop Psych.) but for sure you haven't tried EVERYTHING. The result: you are full steam ahead on the wrong track!
((SC)), Like NFC, WAW-disease is like a deadly cancer, you have to cut it out completely or it comes back. Besides, its very contagious so be careful not to spread it around. I believe you have tried a lot of things (mostly along the lines of Pop Psych.) but for sure you haven't tried EVERYTHING. The result: you are full steam ahead on the wrong track!
Why don't you just come out and say what you mean? You like to pop in once in a while and condemn her therapist, etc. Say she hasn't tried EVERYTHING. What is it you want her to try? I assume you're hinting at...Christianity? Maybe? You seem to be positioning yourself as an expert on counseling, so please, enlighten us some more.
smartcookie's only on the wrong track if it's not taking her where she wants to go. You seem to be sure she should be on a track that you find acceptable.
I also notice you taking opportunities to negate or invalidate any perceptions of manipulation, gaslighting, or any sort of emotional or verbal abusiveness...just like...an emotional abuser does. I find that sort of..interesting.
Like calling someone's point of view...a "disease." I'm not really sure where in Michele's books you'll find her describing WAW's that way. I guess if SC cuts out her heart, then maybe her "disease" will be cured. And she can be on the happy husband track.
