Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow...!

Or maybe she didn't. Maybe she's just re-writing marital history, to justify her own waywardness? It is, after all, very, very, VERY common with WASs. And you yourself said you'd never heard any complaints before.

Puppy

I thought all of that as well. Just be careful, that's all. It's very rare for a walkaway wife to NOT have a soft place to fall . . .

Puppy

OK, so this evening before dinnertime my D9 called me to say hi. She was home sick from school today with a sore throat, etc. She just called to say hi and update me on how she was doing. It was great as always to hear from her. I then spoke with D4 for a few minutes, who then handed the phone (I didn't ask her to) to the wife. We spoke for a few minutes, friendly as usual. I probably broke the DB rules, but I mentioned to her that we need to take some time to talk. She said that she knew, but she was wanting to do so in front of the counselor. I inquired if every time we need to talk about something, would we have to hire a counselor to be present? She said no, but that she wants to say some things with the counselor present. I told her that was fine, but we can still talk about other things just the same - it doesn't have to be about us. She said "I know..." but still seemed disinterested in making any progress without a counselor present. I mentioned to her that we are approaching the 3 week mark, and neither of us has mentioned a word about making any progress or attempts at the reconciliation part of the deal. She said she's been busy - school, kids, activities, etc. and I acknowledged that, but as before, our relationship will take last place; it seems that there's ALWAYS something else that takes priority - ALWAYS. There's girl scouts, homework, papers due, karate, dance class, hip-hop rehearsal, ice skating, play-dates, this event or that event.... I mentioned that I am not sitting around with nothing to do myself, but I was hoping by now that we would have done some counseling and might be working on ourselves rather than letting the days slip by... She told me she checked with a friend who could watch the girls while we go to counseling one afternoon, and was going to schedule our visit. I told her that if she doesn't tell me anything, then I don't know what is going on. She apologized, said something about "you have your life, and I have mine" and I asked her what she understood what we agreed to in mediation. She told me we were going to try to "work it out." I asked her what that exactly meant, and she told me we were going to see if the marriage was worth staying in. That was the FIRST time I heard her say anything like that. Until that statement she hadn't mentioned the remote possibility of staying in the marriage. She seems to keep hiding behind the "We're separated" label, as though we are now under a different set of rules or physical laws in the universe, such as we can't speak to each other or something...

I don't feel I have been pressuring her, yet as it seemed to me things have been going ok, they haven't (in my opinion) been moving or progressing. They've just been stuck at "OK"... I was hoping for a little more to show for it 3 weeks into it. I have not been dropping by, nor have I been calling (I did call this AM to ask about my time with D4 tomorrow, so that was "legit") and I really feel as though I have been giving her space, and being there to watch D4 when the W has school, and basically being available and helpful, but not bothersome. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong...

So, I decided it was OK to do something different to stir things up. I certainly don't want to backslide, but I felt I had to ask where we were going with this (she said we were trying to "work it out") and I inquired about the counseling we agreed to weeks ago (which I am letting her schedule with her 'busy' schedule but she's not in a hurry to do it). So, in a way I let her know what I want - (schedule the counselor, make time to talk to me, and don't be afraid to talk to me) so now I think I'll lay off and see what results I get. I can easily see her getting into this routine where day after day goes by, and she is just coasting along without focusing at all on the R which is probably an uncomfortable subject for her.

She did mention that she wants to make sure I don't behave the same way as before - I was coming home in a bad mood, or very negative (her words) and while I know I DID at times, it wasn't every time, but she will only remember the bad times no doubt, so that is one behavior I MUST not repeat. I will say, every time I see her now, I am a happy guy - no negativity or gloom. I had a stressful year at work, but the big project is over, and I have definitely changed my attitude, and I feel better about things at work (I actually DO like my job!) and I feel better around the family...I just need to keep showing W that I am happy around the family.

You know, it really helps to have that feedback about what bothers the W... I wish she had mentioned it before - if she did, I probably wasn't listening or accepting it. I read her LOUD AND CLEAR now!!!

So, the GAL theme will play big here. I do most of the same things I was doing before, and I am looking for something new to add to that, but I am trying to enjoy my time when I am not working (and when I am) and when I have the girls for the day. I think maybe I should do something special with the girls so that we ALL have a real fun time - something out of the ordinary maybe.

I did mention that it would be nice if we all did something as a family on Sunday - even for just a short time. She didn't really say yes or no...I think she is waiting for the counseling visit before we do anything together. She says she really needs that time alone to get things done. I suppose I could always say I have to work on a particular Sunday, so maybe the "convenient babysitter" would suddenly be unavailable...but I don't want to undermine my efforts.

I guess I'd feel a whole lot better if I saw that SHE was taking a step to improving things rather than just riding it out.

Well, now that I let her know a couple of my desires, I'll back off and let her make a move.

Well, today I saw the family - D9 had a dance thing which pretty much took all day, so I took D4 to the rec center for swimming - we had a fun time, and then lunch afterwards, and then we went to the dance show D9 was in at 3:30 pm.... Saw the wife afterwards, and she was pleasant and happy to see us...but as we were leaving the dance instructor says goodbye and kisses her on the lips - he does this with ALL of the moms...I just don't like it when he does that to MY WIFE!!!! I didn't mention it because I know she'd roll her eyes and say I was being ridiculous. I know there is no affair going on, it just creeps me out. All this and she makes sure not to have any physical contact with me. She will not hug me unless I ask or approach her first (which I stopped doing this week) yet she will let this guy kiss her?!? I know it is supposed to be just a friendly gesture, but who the hell is paying the mortgage, scheduling his life to watch the kids so that she can go to school, etc etc... I don't even warrant a hug? Again, there's no affair going on, this guy is "artsy" and he kisses all of the women goodbye - I just find it inappropriate. I ALMOST said something tonight when she came home with D9 (they stayed after the first show for the second performance that D9 was also in)... Instead I just popped my shoes on, gave the little one sleeping on the couch a kiss and an "I love you" in her ear, and gave the W a quick goodbye without lingering, and I was out. Quick and dirty.

I left W a note the other day inquiring whether she would consider having breakfast with me and the kids on Sunday (since I usually get the kids and disappear on Sundays). I even offered to come by earlier than my usual 1130 time to take them (and her) for a bagel or something for some family time, so I wouldn't impinge on her "private time"... Of course, I knew this was going to happen - she has two tests on Monday she needs to prepare for, and since today was taken up with all of the dance crap, she needs to buckle down tomorrow. However, I will bet a paycheck that she will take her traditional 2 hour long run before she studies... So, once again, I am NOT on the priority list at all. This was a common thread from the past, and it still seems to be. She has time for a 2 hour run, but not 30 minutes to grab a bagel with me and the girls. She said "maybe next weekend..." Stay tuned for next week's post where I will list the new excuses she will come up with. The excuses are generally valid, but there needs to be SOME give... My bucket of patience has a limit - it is NOT endless.

Just before I left the home tonight (no, I still don't live there) I returned "her" housekey to the key hook, and in my disgust (which I tried to hide) I mentioned "Oh, here's your precious key..." I tried to make it sound somewhat comical, yet it really grinds on me that she won't let me have a key to MY OWN CONDO. She considers it HERS yet I recall paying the downpayment (before we married) and almost half of the stuff in it is mine anyway (mine before we married....!) yet I guess if she finds it desireable or useful, then she is claiming it as "hers..." What she doesn't know is that I immediately went out and got myself a copy of it (!) - after all, the kids in it are half mine too!

Newsflash - as I am typing this, it is 10:30pm and the W just called and reconsidered the bagel offer...now she wants to go. I told her not to worry about it, but she said it would actually be ok. So, that's the plan for tomorrow - it means I will miss going to church which I lately have taken a liking to... Well, I'll trade it for some family time. Part of me thinks, however, that since she wants to meet me there, rather than me picking up the family and going, is that she will manipulate the situation so that she can have more of her personal time (with me the convenient babysitter available) so that she can definitely get her 2 hour run in and then study. In other words, with her showing up in her own car, she can split the scene when she wants. I shouldn't look at it this way, but I bet that's gone through her mind already. I must say, in her defense, she has actually accepted the offer just as I had proposed it. I will just leave it at that, and act "as if..." it is nothing more than her agreeing to meet as a family as I had asked....!

I really miss her touch... I would really feel boosted by a genuine hug from her. She's been friendly to me, in person and on the phone, yet still distant, as though she were a neighbor or someone I know only as an aquaintance. I'm not saying I expect to be sharing a bed with her any night now, but I would have hoped that we'd still have a stonger connection or bond than just casual friends. Heck, I get occasional hugs from a few other women friends I know from work - especially considering my current and recent situation (and no, we don't kiss!) - the one I REALLY want to hug is my own wife.

She still seems to be holding out for the counselor. She's still reluctant to talk about ANYTHING without a counselor present. I know we can't talk at home with the kids present, but we could always pop a movie in the DVD player for them and sit in a different room and talk for a short while... but of course there's laundry to do, studying for this or that, homework, prep work for girl scouts, there's Karate class on this day or that, etc etc etc etc etc....... Tell me, is she avoiding a subject that she feels uneasy about?!? Have I simply been blind to that???

On Wednesday we have our first visit with the DB counselor as a couple. FINALLY!!! We each had a one on one with her by now, so Wed we see her together. I'm not sure what to expect, so I will probably call the counselor and ask her ahead of time. My W didn't know she was seeing a DB counselor - if she realizes it now, I don't think she would understand what it is about. All she thinks (I believe) is that we are seeing a run of the mill "marriage counselor" (rather than a DB counselor!) I guess I *forgot* to tell her....!

So, I will try my best (no promises, but I am trying to promise myself) that since I will see her a couple of times tomorrow and for a part of the day Monday that I would be on my best DB behavior, so that I could lay some favorable ground work for Wednesday's counseling session. I think there are some behaviors that she has that I will need to ignore - I have a thing about not feeling needed by her, or having any importance to her (such as everything else being more important than me) as well as the no hugging thing... Up until the bomb dropped in November we kissed every time we said hello and goodbye for 10 years, and called eachother during the day, and now we are in a position where NOTHING like that happens. I guess I don't expect kissing yet, but a genuine hug would be nice. She told me recently that she didn't feel comfortable doing that (it was in public with some of her mom-friends around) yet she seemed halfway receptive at home. I stopped initiating the hugging this week and she doesn't seem to miss it...but I do. It's SO HARD to not do it when I crave that from her so strongly.... It actually hurts to leave (or when she leaves) and not have that hug. I wish she felt the same....

OK, after all of that typing, I feel better about things now, and i have turned it around in my mind that she actually took the effort to call me at 10:30 at night to tell me she changed her mind and decided to meet for a bagel as though we were a family again. I know, some of you out there are thinking "That's HUGE!!!" If that's the case, let me know! Back me up! I know I need to be looking for baby steps, and she could have easily dismissed the idea altogether, so this counts as a plus. I owe it to myself (and the DB folks out there) to NOT undermine this bagel event - if it goes favorably, it can open the door to future family things, both small and large. If it goes poorly, then I will be crawling back here with a backslide story....

So, here's to a productive DBing day tomorrow!

I'll let you know....

I wouldn't say that meeting for a bagel is huge, but it is a good step. As for the dance teacher, kissing the moms on the lips is definitely a bad idea. But your wife didn't initiate it, he did, So he is the one who should be told to stop doing it. As a dance teacher, the stories I hear about what other people do simply amaze me! I used to put a little makeup on the girls if they were good in class. One mom took me aside and suggested that it wasn't sanitary to use my eye shadow on the the girls. I'd never thought of that! After that they only got blush. I know they were very disappointed, but she was right.

Good luck on wednesday. Try to just keep doing the good things that you are doing until then. Maybe you will find some things out that you didn't know.

Thanks Sara,

Yeah, I don't go to the dance practices, but I thought that he needs to be told to cut that out. I don't care if he kisses others... I would NEVER kiss someone else's wife - I might be lookin' down the barrel of a gun if I did someday... Besides, what if this jerk has mono or something, and W gets it, and maybe gives it to my girls or me....!

Well, the bagel thing went ok. She called me earlier this morning (about 0830) and asked if I wanted to meet earlier, but I stuck to the plan of 10:30. It allowed me to go for a run this morning. A "me" thing. I think my behavior was pretty good. I was happy to be there, but not "fake". We were talking about something and I reached out and touched her arm, kind of an affectionate rub. (This was totally habitual, as I would do that all of the time.) I stopped myself and apologized, and asked if she minded that. Her answer was, "Well...." which translated to "Yes, I DO mind that!" She didn't withdraw, but she didn't welcome it. Man, I have a hard time with her rejection! I tried my best to appear happy after that...I think I did ok. Later in the day, when the girls were tired, and I was planning to find them dinner somewhere, she called me to ask where we were. By then the girls were tired and wanted to go home (it was about 5pm or so). W told me it was ok to bring them home, and then I could go if I had something else to do. Gee, thanks for getting me off the hook (sarcasm here). I mentioned that I would be happy to make them dinner so that she could study and not be interrupted, but she insisted that she would make dinner, because she plans for the whole week, etc... I believe that was simply an excuse, because when we got home she offered them soup or fish sticks... which tells me that not a whole lot of planning went into dinner tonight. I ended up being invited to stay (the old "You can stay if you want to...") - I assured her that if she's uncomfortable with me being there that I would leave, but she said it was ok, and I could stay while the girls have dinner and watch a movie. I think it worked out ok because the kids and I watched a movie, had some ice cream, and basically allowed the W to study uninterrupted. When bedtime came, the girls were sad (as usual) to see me go. D9 told me she wishes I could stay (D4 has said this before too). I offered to read them a bedtime story (a routine in our house) and W said ok, but I had to do it downstairs in the living room. I guess the bedrooms upstairs are off limits to their father. What the hell....??? W is being very limiting and controlling. I played along nicely, reminding myself to behave, but on the inside it is a slap on the cheek - almost a kick in the ribs. I'm being as good as can be, and the results are somewhat mixed. I think i need to continue something, but change something else, but I'm not sure what.

It's hard to stay focused when I really feel as though, after all I have been though with a restraining order for 3 months, and a child & family investigator, and attorneys and investigator costs of $15k or more, and the CFI costing $5k, and her wiping out our savings of 9K, and hiding $6500 in credit cards, and putting me through HELL!!! - that I deserve SOMETHING! I never cheated on her, never forbade her to do anything, never abused her in any way; I managed the money so she could go to nursing school, and fully supported that; I worked my @$$ off so that she could be a stay at home mom.... and here I am, totally displaced because she is screwed in the head, had a shark of an attorney, has "friends" who, instead of approaching me telling me my marriage was in trouble, helped her hide money over the past year... Giving up on all of it is not appealing, but I consider it at times.... I have everything to lose, and she has everything to gain. I still feel as though I love her dearly, but I will not cut my head off and hand it over to her on a platter. I think a lot a guys by now would have said 'screw it, I'm out!' and would have pulled the plug and moved on...

Well, we have our first couple's counseling session (with the DB counselor) on Wednesday. I'm trying to behave and be a good DB student until then. I'm kind of afraid to hear what she has been holding out on. She's been holding out to speak to me until we get in front of that counselor. Well, I guess at that time I will maybe know more of what she wants, what she expects, etc...

I'm also bothered that she has been able to turn off the affection like a switch. Maybe I am expecting her to still have the same feelings I have. Obviously, that is not realistic. Up until the bomb dropped, we were always somewhat affectionate...but now I can't even touch her. I don't understand this, and it is harder than heck to intentionally NOT show any affection.

One thing I DID do right today was at D9's girl scout function. I took the girls there for a mulit-troop event, and since we arrived early, I offered to help set up. The ladies there must all know the situation (about what a terrible husband I have been for years) but I cheerfully helped out, and even directly helped and was friendly to THE FRIEND of the W who helped her hide credit cards, and I suspect has an accout with a bunch of our money in it (W's escape fund). I was friendly to her like I knew nothing of her involvement... As much as it feels like sleeping with the enemy, I feel like this is the only way to outsmart the enemy. Kill 'em with kindness, as they say. If I can appear to be the model husband, maybe word will leak back to the W and give her second thoughts. It couldn't hurt. BTW, I only saw one other husband (and it wasn't the "friend's" husband either) who came to help out, even though we had a half-dozen or more moms show up from D9's troop.

OK, so tomorrow the kids are off from school (an admin day or something) so we are going to the museum, while the W is in school all day. Should be a good day. Good weather, and all day with my girls. NO BACKSLIDING TOMORROW!!!

OK, so here's the latest....

I took the girls to the museum - we had a fantastic time! The weather was great, there were no crowds, traffic was not a problem. We had a nice lunch, some ice cream later, and played in the nearby park... It was great!

We got home and the W was there. She wasn't as friendly as usual, but ok... D4 kept asking me if I could stay for dinner... I told her I didn't know yet. I went out to my car to get something and the W came out a minute later, and told me that I keep pressuring her...after all, she said I was supposed to have the girls at my parents' house on "my days"... OK, I didn't know we were divorced already (no I did not say that) - besides, that was only an option for some overnights, but since they are over 30 minutes away, it seems rather impractical for overnights on a school night. I would have taken the girls out, but they were tired and wanted to go home. I don't have a home (and how could I, after giving her 80% of my paycheck!) I'm pretty stuck and pretty much have no other options.

She then told me she'd have to call her attorney and tell her that I am not cooperating. What??? I have been doing everything possible! She then told me that since she had a restraining order on me recently that she is uncomfortable that others see me around the condo. I told her that maybe someday she'd have a restraining order on her, and then she'd see what it was like. Strictly a hypothetical comment - but she retorted that she was going to tell her attorney that I was now threatening her. What?!? I was NOT threatening her! I was just saying that she cannot possibly understand what she put me through! She said she needed to do it because of the "years of mistreatment..." What?!? She NEVER said a word about that before. She acknowledged that too... I told her that if I am doing something that she doesn't like that she has to let me know! She started up with the old complaints. She said, "There you go again! Always twisting things around to be my fault!" I was NOT blaming ANYONE!!! She never said anything to me about mistreating her in the past, which she acknowledged. She made a big deal that I was always (again, her words) claiming to be the victim, when SHE thinks SHE is the victim! I told her there is no blame, and she said, quote, "In a divorce it is ALWAYS somebody's fault!"

I grabbed my stuff and left. I was crying by the time I hugged the girls goodbye... I hate this crap - I am about ready to call it quits. I have to leave MY condo, MY girls.... What did I do to deserve this crap??? She is hiding thousands of dollars from me, she had secret credit cards she was hiding. I have been nothing but a devoted husband and father all of this time. I have supported all of her endeavors. I have not restricted her at all... I just don't get it. Years of mistreatment??? I am pretty sure she has mental health issues by now. She was anorexic in the past, and she is showing the psychological signs of it now... Especially the black and white thinking.

I called the DB counselor and vented to her... and then decided it might be good to meet with her tomorrow alone before the W and I both visit on Wednesday. I do not look forward to Wednesday's visit.

I thought I was doing so well....

OK, so we had counseling yesterday.... The W showed up as promised (good...!) and she basically had a LONG list of complaints and grievances. I started to defend myself, from this or that accusation, and that ended up feeding the fire. I learned very quickly just to shut up and let her dump it all out. I got kind of beat up. But, I think maybe she really needed to unload and I had to hear her out. Somewhere in there she admitted that she herself doesn't react appropriately to things, so at least she recognizes that....(I think most all of us suffer from that.)

MY perspective is much different than her perspective. She insists that certain events happened one way, and I definately remember them much differently. Well, this is where you have to sit back and realize that it isn't always important to be right. I'm not saying I am right and she is wrong; I'm saying that it doesn't matter WHO is right, nor does it help things to argue about it. I found during our session that if I defended myself (with what I thought were legitimate reasons) that it only served to intensify her emotions and her attack on me. As hard as it was, I decided partway through to just stop defending myself, and let her have at it.

This has been a problem in the past. I feel that she starts to attack me, so I defend myself. That in turn makes her fight me even more, and I defend myself even more, etc etc.... Hmmm...maybe this is a behavior that I need to work on. I am not sure why I didn't pick up on this trend over the past several years!

She did agree that I have been treating her nicer lately (since we have been able to commmunicate over the past month). I liked hearing that - I'll keep up on that behavior as best as I can (this is not too hard for me to do, as I can almost immediately see the results). Being positive and happy in front of her really seems to set the mood, so I need to keep that up. I find it hard to do at times, especially considering my circumstances as I see them. I need to move on and start focusing on our bright future together. That really seems to help.

We discussed one thing which was becoming a contention - and that was my days with the two girls. I have them on certain days, and I pick them up at predetermined times, but the ending time had often been ambiguous. I thought I was following the agreement to the "T", yet she thought I was abusing the pickup and dropoff times. She assumed this and that...and since there was nothing actually set in writing as far as times, we did that yesterday. That now gives us a guide to work with, and then she doesn't have to feel pressured about whether I am sticking around because I have more of "my day" leftover, yet the kids want to hang out at home, etc. Another thing which I think worked out is that if my day with the girls gets cut short (as it does sometimes) that she agreed I can 'make it up' on another evening when I wouldn't normally see the girls. I expressed an interest in having some flexibility with the schedule, in case there is an event I want to take the girls to on my "non" day, or something. W said that was fine, but to be aware that sometimes the answer will be "no" depending on their energy level, or what else is going on.... At least she is willing to be flexible. She also mentioned that there will be days that it will be OK for me to stay later and have dinner with them. So, I'll just keep playing by "the rules" and practicing my good behaviors, and avoiding the bad behaviors, and try to make that behavioral change which will keep us on track.

After the counseling session, we both left on foot together, and she expressed an interest in stopping at a nearby toy store to pick up a gift for a friend's son. I asked if she would mind if I walked with her - she said that would be fine. We spent another 20 minutes or so together, perusing the toy store, chuckling over certain things, and totally avoiding the events of the past. It was like being out with a friend, which was very nice. I walked her to her car, thanked her for attending the counseling with me, and let her go. She waved at me as she drove by.

My DB counselor told me after the session in private, "You did real good today!" I was glad to hear that. We scheduled our next visit with her next Tuesday. I'm excited that we are finally getting somewhere. We are going to practice using "I" statements, and focusing on the positive things, such as what happens when things go well for us. It has helped my to have read the DB book, as well as DR. So far, it seems to be sound advice.

As an aside, after meeting with my DB counselor the day before the couple's counseling, I walked out of the counseling office and there she was, in person - Michelle - I shook her hand and told her, "I know this woman!" (from her picture on the website). She seems very warm and loving in person. This further solidifies my belief in this system.

Thanks to my DB counselor, and thanks to Michelle. I know we (W and I) are in good hands!

More to follow...

Saw the W briefly yesterday. Was pretty much a non-event. Was friendly, and she was friendly back. I watched D4 for 5 hours until W came back from school. D4 and I had a good time. I asked W to have the daughters call me sometime (like that night) because I don't see D9 often, and I remended her (D9) that she can call me anytime and fill me in on school, say goodnight, whatever... W told me she'd try to remember, and told D9 to help her remember to call. I didn't think it would be that hard to remember to call Dad once in a while...

Well, sure as heck, there was NO phone call last night. I'm sure there will be some excuse "oh, we were busy" or "by the time we remembered, it was too late..." I find this pretty hurtful - all of the things that were mine (except for furniture, TV, etc.) have been moved out of the condo, as well as ME - so there is no reason to call me. As long as I provide the monthly paycheck, and babysit on school days, my usefulness is done. Why bother having the girls call their own Dad. What an inconvenience THAT would be. And, wholly unnecessary.

I don't want to sound angry towards her about this, but this is a pretty common thing for her. If it involves me, it is LOWEST priority. Everything else has to happen first. I wasn't even wanting to talk to W on the phone - I want to speak to my daughters. I'm pretty sure she thought of it last night...but had excuses not to have D9 call me. She certainly wouldn't remind D9 to call me - that might take some effort.

Well, I see the girls tomorrow and Monday - I don't want to seem cold or angry towards her, but I think I'll make myself scarce around the W. I just don't know how to have the kids call me without approaching the W. Although, since approaching the W didn't work, maybe I just need to have some way to remind D9 to call me on her own.

I also wonder if I am posting in the right forum...I don't seem to be getting much feedback from folks here.

Dave--

How about one of those kids' pre-programmed cellphones? Disney has a few options, they are fairly reasonable, and then you could call her whenever you want and vice versa? they are set up in a way that the kids can only call predetermined numbers-mom's phone, dad's phone, home, and maybe a grandparent. I am actually considering one as a treat for my 9 y/o for her good grades and all the progress she has made behaviorally since starting her ADD meds. It is always an option available and you do not have to rely on W to do the right thing.

I just read your last post, and wanted to respond on that. The weekends are slow around here, so don't expect a lot of responses on the weekend. I only happened to read your post because it was near the top and the title caught my eye. You are in the forum that does get the most traffic, but if your post does not stay on the front page, alot of times it will not be seen. When I first started, I journaled a lot on my thread and kept it near the top. It also has given me agreat referenc point to go back and see how much I have changed in the last 10 months.

In addition, head out into other threads and post to others, even if it is just to commiserate and offer support. It will draw people to return the favor and look at your thread.

I am going to bookmark your thread to save it and I will read the rest later. I have some plans with my kids today, but maybe tonight or tomorrow I will be able to get back in with some more information. Hang in there. While it sucks that you have to be here, you are among friends that will support you and offer help.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW