Some truths are subjective. So right and wrong are degrees.
Some are absolute, math and internal feelings, being skinny.
For your kids, be the best mom for them, right now you're upset at him for 'hurting' the kids, so you want him to hurt, or you want him around...really? You want him to be an influence on them? No you really don't. Right now they are an excuse for you to have him around. And you're angry at him not only only for hurting you but 'hurting' them.
The kids are currently not going to make him stay, you don't want him around for the wrong reasons. You think you do but you really really don't.
Hey Jack, I love that you ask the difficult questions. I am usset that he is hurting the kids but honestly, I try very hard not to hurt him. I try so hard that I'd rather not have any contact. I try so hard that I only make small talk. I try so hard, my face is sore from smiling at my H. I don't want him around now, no. I am much more comfortable when he is not here. But in my heart of hearts, I hope one day he will see that through all of these tumultuous times, I treated him with kindness and compassion and held my dignity. That one day, when he wakes up from MLC, that I was not an b*tch,, whether or not we will ever reconcile. I guess I need him and my kids to see that just because someone treats you badly, that doesn't give your reason to retaliate. I guess it's the 'Love Thy Enemy' thing. I don't want to be consumed by bitterness and resentment for the rest of my life, that would be like putting myself in shackles. I really don't want our R to become ugly, because then I will be reliving my pain again and again. I really really just want some peace.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
You got a lot of blame, are you going to be able to give that up?
Because if you cannot, even someone who repents, and comes back fully isn't going to want to have to live with burden for the rest of their married life.
Thanks for this one as well. I think about this question ALL the time. But before I can truly address it, I need to ask myself how exactly I contributed to the breakdown of my M. When I can answer that then I can let go of the blame. If I can own up to my part and make sense of things, then I can have more understanding of the situation and how it all came tumbling down. If I can understand then I can finally let go of the blame. That is why 1) I need to find out exactly what was bothering my H, stuff that I was doing wrong 2) Find out why I was doing those behaviors and 3) Address and make changes in myself for ME 4) Let go of the blame.
And until my passive agressive H can come out and speak fully on his feelings and what was bothering him, I can't even start on number one.
I am ready to go to work on myself, I just need some help with direction and only my H can help me with that as only he can tell me what he saw as the vital flaws in our M.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Trapt, thanks for the encouragement. I will keep the one day at a time mantra in my head and not rush ahead of myself. thanks.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
