Thanks for the check in. I am still here. My world continues to be crazy. W and I do not say a word to each other except in mediation. We do communicate by text messages as needed on logistical things.
We each have real estate agents - will co-list our house.
Mediation is a strain at times. W really plays the "poor me" card a lot. Mediator said at first meeting that it was a way to move forward. So W is playing that to the max. She thinks that NOTHING before our first meeting matters. For example, she took the kids from the house for 4 nights before our first meeting. But this DOESN'T COUNT AS DAYS I SHOULD GET TO "MAKE UP" (we have agreed to 50/50 at this point) BECAUSE IT WAS "IN THE PAST". Sorry, but I say F THAT!!!! (Apologies on the language ).
Anyway, I will try to come back more. I am exhausted with the 2/2 rotation we are on right now. The kids like the lack of tension, but I am not sure they are crazy about anything else...
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
{{{Lost}}} I am SO glad you finally checked in..was about to send out a search party for you!! I figured you were having a tough time of it..ugh my friend..you are such a good and strong person..KNOW this will get better for you at some point (hopefully in the VERY near future!)
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Mediation update. Thot I'd give ou all a flavour of what is happening.
As of now, we are leaving the kids in the house and splitting our time there on a 2 day rotation. K's are on a break next week so a good time to be starting a 4/4 rotation. So far so good on that. Were not supposed to have another meeting until Feb 27, but W wanted one yesterday.
Main thing was financial crap. Mediator(M)told me prior to starting(in a 1 on 1) that W had seen lawyer and was ready to go to court to get me to give her $$ if we didn't agree today. I have been paying all house / family expenses and W does have own modest income to get cash but not enough for her liking.
M said some "good" things. Planted the bug in W "if you are entitled to spousal support" (I laughed inside because W had always thought this was her entitlement). M also said there was no way she should be thinking she should be getting me to pay her something while things are still intermingled. W thought that I should be paying for all the kids things, period! Wanted $$ to be able to give to the k's if needed. When I suggested she could also help out in this she said no, not fair cuz she also needs personal $$ to live.
Biggest pain came at the end. 2 things. First, I asked if the newer vehicle (8 passenger)could stay at house with kids as it is a larger vehicle (other one is only a 5 passenger). Response - why? What needed for? How come? I explained more seats so kids could take friends. She asked when that happened (that kids couldn't take friends) and I actually had an instance for her from last week. "I'll get back to you" was the reply.
Next one was re: house for today. Started with W asking if I was taking k's for a trip during break? I advised that no, we are staying here. W said they are going to her parents out of town. I asked when - tomorrow (Sat).
ME: Ok, then I will stay at house if ok with you.
W flipped - why do you want to do that? Just had house cleaned (cleaners she has not yet cancelled and I am still paying for)- don't want it messed up.
Back + forth. Me asking why i shouldnt stay - her saying house is hers on her days. Me saying no it is the kids and since no one will be there why shouldn't I stay. Her denying me access.
Me finally "losing it" and saying "I will be staying in the house". Her saying "I will not be bullied in this". She yelled at me (in front of M) and packed her stuff and left (meeting was over anyway).
Talked to M after. I know I shouldnt have said things the way I ultimately did - he agreed. He also thought it made sense that I stay in the house if they are not there.
Werent supposed to have the meeting yesterday but W requested it. Pain in the butt.
I will update you from the house tonight!
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
So glad to hear that you are hanging in there. The mediator said a woe is me attitude would help to make it go faster??? Is he/she a fruitcake?
I am sorry that your wife is still in fantasy land. Just stay grounded and keep your focus on you and the kids. hugs.
kat
(((kat)))
Sorry, my bad. Mediator said to leave the past in the past and that would make it go faster. W continues the "Woe is me" stuff. Really working wonders for her...
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
Biggest pain came at the end. 2 things. First, I asked if the newer vehicle (8 passenger)could stay at house with kids as it is a larger vehicle (other one is only a 5 passenger). Response - why? What needed for? How come? I explained more seats so kids could take friends. She asked when that happened (that kids couldn't take friends) and I actually had an instance for her from last week. "I'll get back to you" was the reply.
That sounds like it makes sense to me too. Sounds like your W is still not getting the reality of how financial $$$ will result in D. She'll have to use her at least some of her spending money on the kids if not most or all of it. Duh!
I have gotten into a lot of disagreements with my H, as you know. I tend to be fairly flexible on most stuff, but there are a few issues, like re: the kids and stuff that I'm going to hold firm on. The stuff that really matters to me. The 80 or 90% of stuff H wants to fight about that doesn't matter that much to me I agree with. Of course, he's upset about the few things I don't let him control/decide!!! Oh, well!!! Karen
Your wife is totally clueless when it comes to the financial realities here. When my wife was having her affair she was, too: she thought I should continue to pay for ALL of our joint bills, AND pay for half of her ONE (Visa) bill.
