Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Another Wife Hit With the Bomb #10

{{{T}}}

WE were not the cause of the unhappiness, the R was. There's also nothing wrong with shedding a tear or 6 for that which we have lost.

You go out tonight, with your 'tude and have a great time.

I'll bet your daughter looks awesome too

((T))

Just remembering my H moving out day(s)- he left twice - the first time I couldn't be there and didn't really want to be. I left work early that day - went out for drinks by myself and then went home. I kept reminding myself that it just wasn't working and we needed the break. I guess I thought he might be back -but I was prepared for not. When reunited, he told me the first night in his apt he knew he had made a mistake and he needed to do something different - make some changes etc. Which he did. We reunited. We got MC but he didn't stick to most of his changes or the counseling.
Thus the reason for the second move, this time I was there, I guess I wanted to show him that I was ok and he wasn't. Again, I kept reminding myself that he had problems he couldn't resolve to the point that we couldn't work on our M in healthy way. My hope has been to see him turn the corner in his life and get control over himself. Living alone has helped him to see his own problems - with me out of the way, the kids out of the way, he knows it is only his own doing.
I am just remembering with you - how it felt... sad mostly but with some little hope that with the separation, it will be easier to see what needs to be done and to do it. Sometimes we get in our own way, or we blame the people in front of us. If we allow ourselves to experience the sadness we will find the hopefulness after wards. Look at Silva!
I'll be here tomorrow if you want to visit.

**HUGS**

{{Silva}} Yes..I KNOW you are right..I know we are not the cause, but we do have to take some responsibility..but then again, we WERE/ARE the ones willing to work on our marriages even thru the crap..instead of running off..bleh :P

{{{{Kassie}}}} Thank you my friend for sharing that..I know it probably wasn't a great trip down memory lane..I have really waxed off and on about being here vs not..I think the real reason I am choosing NOT to be is that he will have to be moving some furniture and stuff, so he's going to have some guys that he hangs with here, they will probably be laughing and cutting up, as you would with your friends, and THAT is really what I don't want to deal with during something that is really just not a fun matter LOL

Well..hub cleaned out his stuff in my room (guess I'll call it that for now at least) while I was gone. I walked in and opened all his drawers, saw they were empty, opened the closet and it was empty on his side. SO..it wasn't as horrible as I thought and I just immediately took some of my stuff from "my side" of the closet and moved it over to "his side"..to make it seem like mine now

Also..had an interesting talk with my daughter today. I was talking about what I would do if hub would come back, that it wouldn't be as easy or whatever and she made a face, so I was like "what?" and she's like "I just don't understand that" and I said "that I would take him back" and she's like "YES..after all, HE made his bed and he should have to lie in it. He wanted it to end that way..not you"..and I was like WHOA..that was really interesting to hear her say that about HER dad..you know..like she would be disgusted with me if I would take him back..even if he had repented and changed and all that..it definitely made me think..

Tawnya

What you did with your closet and they way you discuss it here, your tone, is precisely the reason you will be just fine, no matter the outcome with your H. You are strong and determined to make yourself whole and happy, so you will succeed.

V.

{{{V}}} and those sweet comments, my friend, is why you are totally my Valentine Thank you..

Tawnya

hi T from T

what exactly did your convo w/ D18 make you think about?

I am curious.

peace, blessings and prayers i send ya.


T

{{{T}}} well LOL..it made me think "what would I teach her by taking him back and/or by not taking him back"..it was just interesting to see her reaction really..

You asked the tough question LOLOL!

Tawnya

That is a tough question - probably not one many on this board could answer very well.

Tawnya--

You know some of the situation with myself and D17 and how she has reacted to my sitch with DH. My mom and I have both had conversations with her about forgiveness. Do you know when I think she really got why I am willing to work things out with DH???? Last night when the three of us watched "Fireproof". She was crying watching the movie and I heard her say, under her breath, "that's why." Of course, when there are small children, you add another layer of why you want things to work out. None of us want to see our children's lives broken because an adult cannot step up to the plate and do the hard work.

What would I be teaching my daughter if I took back her dad??? I would show her that marriage vows are a covenant before God, not to be given up on and walking away from. I would be showing her that God's grace and mercy are sufficient to meet all our needs in life. I would be demonstrating in a real way, the unconditional love and forgiveness that Jesus has afforded us by taking the Cross. How can we, as Christians, do no less for those who have hurt us? And, finally, I would be showing her that with God, all things are possible.

SMW

Funny, I did the same thing. Hey, T count me in for a DBing Ladies trip. Sounds like alot of fun and laughs.

I have been trying everything to not think about v-day. It's just another day right!!!!

hang in there GF have a great wkend.