Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Divorce looming #4

Now this A stuff is starting to get to me. After reading all the emails I never realized how into sex my W was. My gosh. The graphic nature of what they did. I'm stunned. My W made a p0rn star look mild. OMG. I couldn't have dreamed of some of the stuff she did with OM. Its really grating me. I didn't need to read all of that. But I had to get proof. And of course, all of that came with it.

I'm wondering, do I tell her I know? Or wait for OM to make his decision tomorrow. I should know by whether the hotel plans are still on for next weekend. If they are, I send his W everything. It really hurts to look at my W and know she did all the things in the email with OM. Its actually freaking amazing. She says it was the best night of her life. I can see that it was based off everything the did. Wow. No wonder she wants more. Still, it grates me.

What to do.

Kevin

Kevin,

I'm sorry all that sex stuff is stuck in your head. It seems like men are more stuck on the sex stuff - women get more stuck on the love stuff.

If you gave om a timeframe of tomorrow - I'd wait and see how that goes. In that e-mail she says it's the best night of her life, but don't take it to heart. She's being flattering and pursuing. I wish this hurt could be taken away from you. See if you can hold on for a little longer.

Praying for you.

Kevin

I am glad that you have found the proof you were looking for. Do you think maybe it was a set up? Meaning, maybe she wanted you to find out before you left but didn't have the guts to tell you herself.

Be careful, she will find out at some point and you have to be strong when it does.... It may not happen tomorrow or even in a month but it will happen. Remember she is not the same person you love right now. Everything that you see and read are from this alien that has taken over.

My hope for you is that she will see how much you love her and your family and at what lengths you will go to keep it all together.

Good Luck my friend.

Kevin,

I feel your pain, I really do. I can see the fear in my Kids eyes as a result of the cold and nasty attitude my W takes with me, and then she just switches gears and is sweet as pie with them. I know they must be thinking "I sure hope Mom never stops loving me the way she's stopped loving Dad". It's so blatant, like Jeckyl and Hyde, meanwhile I play the happy doormat, taking whatever attitude and jabs she dishes out so as not to be confrontational or make an issue of things.

I hope they get from this that if you love somebody unconditionally, you will take the higher road, turn the other cheek, kill them with kindness, treat them with compassion because they are hurting. My older son seems to get it, while my younger son mirrors her activity, and totally shuts me out.

I would say that our wives have been abducted by the same group of aliens.

I just kep reminding myself, people change, feelings change, they've changed once, they'll change again.

Never, never, never give up!

Kevin,

I wish I could say I am surprised. I know it is against your beliefs, but you really need to sit down and think at this point. Are you sure this is what you want for the rest of your life?

Maybe you should check over in SSM.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I am asking because of your religion and stronghold to it. Are you a "missionary only" type of man? Maybe she got bored? If the sex you've had since is the same sex you've always had....you see where I'm going. Didn't want to ask..but...oh...nothing is hardly sacred around here anyway, kwim? Not trying to put you on the spot.

Melissa

Hi everyone,

Song and Stacy, I agree. Although I wonder if she is capable of change now. We shall see.

Mel,

Ok, Sex was pretty normal. Me on top, her on top, or doggie style. Can't believe I'm saying this on here. There was the oral stuff to.

But it was nothing out of this world in terms of different positions and wow some of the stuff they pulled off. They were completely experimental with everything. And my W has this totally non-stop desire for it with him. And her sex drive is just nuts with him. She was able to release at least 30 times one night with him. Stunned me. At one point he had her up on his shoulders. It was crazy stuff.

Our sex life wasn't anything like what they have done. And they apparently were together twice for stuff like that. They did it in 15 different positions. They did other stuff to each other as well. Nothing was left untouched. NOTHING. It was really amazing to read.

Anyways, my W did catch me. I clicked on a link to her blog site on one of her emails. I did not know that the site tracked who visited it. She knew right away and confronted me. She threated to press charges if I didn't delete all the emails in front of her. So I did a hard delete on them like she asked. What she didn't know is that I had sent the main ones to someone else to hold and also, a hard delete only works on Outlook, not yahoo email. So they are all still sitting in my trash folder. Now I just need to look up the laws on this which I have been trying to do.

She also admitted to me that everything in the emails was true. Of course, how could she deny it anymore at that point. She is so addicted to this guy. She said he can do anything he wants to her. She said it was a healing for her. And she said she knows its wrong but she still wants him anyways and still prays that God will give him to her. She doesn't care what is right or wrong.

The emails to OM were discovered. I had to send an email to him saying disregard the emails and I won't contact him again or let his W know.

He sent me back an email thanking me for changing my mind and encouraging me to work on M. He said she has trust issues with me and its going to take alot of work and time to fix. He said he is doing the same with his W and starting to see signs. Ya, this coming from the guy screwing my W. Thanks. I didn't respond. But at least he knows that now I know and if I change my mind, I can go to his wife and he does not want that. So at least he is scared.

Kevin

Kevin

Did she have a gun to your head or something? What do you mean she made you delete them and recant the e-mail to OM. You are still married and there is no law about seeing her e-mail. You have every right to do what you did.

Get those e-mails printed on hard copy and tell the OM to stop all contact for God's sake. God gave you a sign to do something with so do it....

Sorry for the 2x4 but you are still letting her controll you. TAKE CONTROLL KEVIN.....

Hi Stacy,

I checked with an attorney. She could get me for sending them to my computer. But she cannot get me for just looking at the emails on our computer in the living room since she left her email up and open. I can still have her laptop supena'd and her email account. But it turns out that it wouldn't really matter unless I know for sure how that judge would rule on adultery. She is offering 50% custody already. The chances of the judge giving me 100% are slim.

Kevin

Kevin,
It really sucks - I don't know that my W is having a PA, but I'm pretty sure. I, personally, would prefer not knowing the details. All they do is consume your mind, honestly...

I did want to pop in here with you - you have asked me before why I was doing divorce, etc, and I don't know if I ever responded.

I will file divorce soon, unless clearly checked by God. The Bible, and Jesus' own words give me that option, and it was what I need to do. I will sit down with my kids, and show them Jesus' words, and I will tell them that I don't want it.

Then I will file.

Now, I want you to know - I pray EVERY DAY, multiple times a day for W's emotional healing, for her salvation, for our family. I pray for protection for my kids' minds. I pray for me to be the father/husband/man I should be. I have not given up on our relationship or our marriage. I have simply realized that there is probably a reason Jesus gave the option he did.

I would take W back - no questions asked. I don't care what her relationship with OM was - I know it wasn't "her". I would have two requirements:
1. A full STD check
2. Absolutely no contact in any way with OM - a single text would result in divorce

Obviously she would need medication or counseling or both.

You are in an amazingly hard place - there is this horrible part of us that likes to watch horror movies - that same part I think reads those emails. You can allow it to destroy you and sicken you to the point where you diminish your wife to an animal.

Sexual sin seems so much dirtier and harder to forgive - because giving ourselves in making love should be a sacred thing. But, based on what you've said, I don't think your W gives two hoots about this person - just a weird fetish.

Protect your rights - don't squander anything because you are trying to be "nice".

Hi JD,

Thanks for popping in. Yes, I am aware of that verse in the book of Matthew 19:9. Infact, my W told me after I discovered everything that I was free to remarry now based off that verse. I told her I was well aware of the verse, but didn't announce it to her because I didn't want her saying, oh, let me fix that for you. But fix it she did anyways.

The thing is, I still want to repair things with her. But she told me last night that she still wants OM. According to her OM has decided to end things and fix his M. But my W still tries to seduce him anyways. She has offered him his fantasies that she knows he doesn't get at home. She is sick in the head right now.

Sexual sin is hard to forgive, you are right. But I am willing to forgive it and try to fix things. But I can't fix it unless she is willing and right now, she isn't.

I know this is true. Believe nothing you hear and only 50% of what you see. Everyone has been right on that. The only thing I beleive is when my W is standing in front of me. I can see her standing in front of me, so I know she is there. Outside that, I can't believe anything else.

Kevin