It just that she reached a point where you keep trying to get something and you're denied it, you wind up giving up and no longer wanting it. She also said that she still can't get past how much I've hurt her so she can't see me as her husband.
This is exactly where I'm at.
You guys are absolutely right. 18 months ago I said, I'm done. He couldn't go to IC fast enough. He read, he pleaded, he promised he'd spend the rest of his life making it up to me.
Then, I said bye to OM. H lost his job, & here we are again.
I suppose this is why so many WAW's are afraid that the changes aren't long term.
His favorite saying lately is "pull the trigger". I hear him say it all the time in business. Guess I should start listening to him.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I think it is what we are all afraid of, at the back of our minds.... what if it isn't real? But how do you know without giving it a shot? And, you are a lot better for it, from what I can see from here!
I don't know if you are ready to pull the trigger, but maybe you can take off the safety!
He says if I would forgive him, we could move forward. Like the other 6 times. LOL
Does he want it to work ?? He truly believes he's not being abusive anymore. He seems himself as a hard working man, trying to provide for his family, & because he helps with dishes now, he doesn't get it why I'm not being nicer to him.
My plan for the last few months has been..... get a job....make some decisions.
thank you for your thoughts.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I think it is what we are all afraid of, at the back of our minds.... what if it isn't real? But how do you know without giving it a shot? And, you are a lot better for it, from what I can see from here!
I don't know if you are ready to pull the trigger, but maybe you can take off the safety!
(((((VH)))))))
I am a ton better than when I first joined here 9 months ago. You are too !
I'm past ready. I was just going to wait til I got a job. It would be nice if one of us had a paycheck coming in. But, maybe that doesn't matter either.......
How was your travels ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I know our sitchs are not similar at all, but I wanted to share with you how I came to the decision to kick xBF out of the house.
Puppy said to me early on that the answer was simple, kick him to the curb and get on with my life. Simple yes, easy no. I wasn't ready to hear that. I wanted to save the R and the life I had before.
I tried to be patient, tried to be friendly, tried to tell myself that we could get through this if I wanted it badly enough. But there was always a voice in the back of my mind screaming that I had always said I would never put up with this. xBF knew that cheating was a dealbreaker for me. Yes, life is more complicated when you're actually living it. But it was tearing me up inside and every day I faced something that pointed out I was losing some self respect and sense of dignity.
One day it just hit me. Things weren't changing, he was cake eating while I was miserable. I faced my fear and decided I wasn't going to live like that anymore. It was only after I conquered my fear of losing the R that I realized I can be happy on my own. And at that moment I knew what I had to do.
You will know when you are ready to separate. Just take some time to examine your fears and face them. I bet they're not so big as you think and that will help you move forward.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I can see the paychecl thing! It makes it a lot less scary! I think that is part of the reason we lasted this long, I wasn't going to push until W had her job, I think. And she probably felt the same.
My trip was good. Though my mom was really starting to drive me crazy! Too much mothering! But, I know where it is coming from, so I try to accept it the way she intends it!
My uncle is doing pretty well for having been on hospice a year ago!
Gucci, I do feel that continuing to try to talk to him is insane. LOL
I am willing to put the relationship on the line. I'm ready for one of us to move out NOW.
<<Sorry to say that men don't seem to get it until it is almost too late.
After this morning....... It's too late.
<<I see your feelings slowly dying
I think they're dead.
<<can tell you that at some point that allowing abuse is your responsibility
Your right. I thought because he had stopped the majority of the abuse, that he would continue to improve. Guess I was wrong.
<<Now what does she want? All she wants to do is talk about the relationship and talk about counseling. Talk talk talk. I just want peace."
He comes to me, asking me how I am, & then is relieved when I talk some more. *hits self in head with 2x4*
I'm listening loud & clear.
Thanks.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Down, seriously I feel like I have been saying for the last 6 weeks.....
"here is what I need from you or I'm out".....
Honestly, I'm not scared of the world (I've been through much much worse). I'm not scared of being single. I was single for 10 years before I married him. I moved out at 16 & took care of myself until I was 25.
I am scared of hurting my children.
When dying of heat & thirst...sometimes a drop of water (or 5 minutes) is enough to keep us hanging around to see if there's more ??
Thanks for replying. I appreciate your thoughts.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
You are too ! 