Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Divorce looming #4

Thanks everyone.

Tonite I was invited to go to dinner with a coworker or former now. My W wanted to know who I was going with. I'm sitting there thinking why? But I told her anyways. So I went to dinner with my friend who happens to be a lady. We worked together for months. She wanted to give me a going away dinner. She is just a very nice person. Not to worry, no attraction there and I am committed to my W. We just had a good time.

When I got home, my W asked me where we went and how dinner was. I told her and said it was good. Other than that, she said get our older daughter to bed and that is all I heard out of her the rest of the night.

She told me if I get this job and end up staying, she is going to get a hotel again next weekend. I said ok. I asked when she decided that? She said about 15 minutes after I told her about the interview. Then she asked what business it was of mine and why do I care. I was just curious. Kind of came out of the blue. She said she will need a break from all of us. I said ok.

Then I asked her if I could get a hotel room to. She said no. I said I was hoping I could get one right next to hers and we could be buds. I was joking with her of course. But I don't think she liked it.

Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day. Exciting things could happen.

Kevin

W just walked into my room and said she is having a night. I said ok. She walked on.

Kevin

Its Tuesday. I'm still here. Thank you God.

Kevin

I took the kids to school this morning and then took W to work since other car is in the shop. She was kind of quiet this morning. She looked beautiful. The drive was quiet. I commented on the overcast sky and that it was nice. I also said that I hope D11 enjoys her field trip today. W said she agreed.

She didn't say anything about signing the waiver of service today or the custody agreement.

I'm back at home now doing a little studying.

Kevin

Dude you've got to stop letting her control your emotions. You're letting her walk all over you still. There's your 2x4.

What do you mean you asked her if you could get a hotel room? Why did you even need to ask for permission. You're a grown MAN start showing her that. I'm not saying be uncool about it, but it's obvious you're still worshipping her from your posts.

Think of a time when she totally treated you like dirt and get a little angry. I think that's what you need right now to get your self-respect back.

Did you see the movie "Dodgeball"? In it is a character whose W walks all over him. And it wasn't until he got downright angry that he found the power within himself to succeed.

She's held your balls long enough and it's time for you to get them back. Sorry that's what a friend of mine told me and believe me, it did wonders in my DB efforts.

Hope that wasn't too harsh.

Thanks Stuck,

I was joking with her about the hotel room. I don't have any intention of getting one. Why spend the money to just sit in there and do what?

I talked to the agency today and they want to submit my resume for 2 jobs tomorrow. So hopefully I will know more later on in the week. Either way, I am here at least this week.

My W wanted me to call her after I got out of the appointment. But I'm not going to. If she wants to know, she can call me. I will have to go pick her up from work today anyways since the other car is in the shop. I'll pick up the kids first.

Oh, her mom bought a book for each kid to read about divorce that relates to their level. That irked me. Yesterday when I picked my W up from her moms, she had a barnes and noble bag. I said what did you get from there. She said her mom just gave her something from there. That was it. Wouldn't tell me what. So she left it in the living room today and since she was at work, I looked at it and saw the 2 books for each. Between the counseling and the books for the kids, they are really working to try and get these kids to buy into it.

I'm having to sit there and tell the kids that D is wrong regardless of what this counselor says and now these books.

Kevin

I'm sure your MIL is just thinking of the kids' emotional well-being. Don't read too much into that.

Realize that you are/may be getting divorced and then move on from there.

Good job on not calling her back.

She got Dinosaur Divorce and The Divorce Workbook For Teens. Ugg. Yes, I know her intentions are good. It doesn't mean I agree with it. I have a real problem with them wanting to tell my girls that D is ok. I want them to know that they will be ok. But not that D is ok.

Its tough. This whole think sucks.

Looks like severe thunderstorm warnings tonite. We are under a tornado watch til midnight. My W is asking if I want us to go to the hospital garage right down the road. I'm not as concerned about tornados as her and her mom and stepdad. I guess its also supposed to hail. So she is worried about her van.

W made dinner tonite for all of us. I was going to. She griped that my dinners are not up to par. I guess I don't make enough sides. I told her thanks for dinner. Of course, she cooks them like once every 2 weeks and then gripes about mine.

Kevin

Kevin, think about the kids this way. You want them to know ABC. Your wife wants them to know XYZ. Which way is right? Your way? According to who? Your God? My God? Her God? They are three different gods. Which way is more right? Yours? Hers? Are you sure? She has just as much right to tell the kids about the divorce as you have NOT to tell them. You can't take that away from her. She can't take it away from you. It doesn't mean you have to agree. But it does mean that you have to recognize she is 1/2 their parent too. The girls will eventually make up their own minds and it won't be all YOUR way or all HER way. They are smart girls. And they will be fine, I promise, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

Melissa

I know Mel,

I have to remind myself of that. I am only half their parent. Its just frusturating when we both used to believe the same way and now she has changed all of that. I don't think she truly believes it, I think she just uses it to justify what she wants. But none the less, I only get half say.

And yes, they will figure it out when they are older. I just don't like this example being set and engraved into them. This is a terrible thing.

I'm kind of think that most marriages end up in D because there is a 3rd party involved from reading everyones stich. It looks that way to me. Otherwise, barring abusive, drugs, etc, there isn't really a reason for one person to walk out most of the time. Thats what makes this more terrible is usually, I don't believe this is really about the marriage so much as it is about someone else has come into the picture.

Granted the marriage had its issues which made it easier for someone else to walk in. But marriage's have their problems for everyone. So I still have to assume its more the 3rd party than the actual issues itself.

This is what I am starting to believe anyways. I could be way off base. But it sure looks like that.

Kevin