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Well folks, it's now Monday afternoon, I've been to the dentist and I've been home for lunch and I'm feeling 100% better about myself. My W's friends and colleagues at her work were really nice to me and it seemed to be beyond the required niceness required for them to be professional. In fact, one of her closest friends told me I was looking very well. That in itself is a huge pick-me-up but add that to the fact that this particular girl is a former Miss Scotland finalist, it certainly didn't do any harm to my ego. Then at lunch time, my W's grandmother cane in to take my dog out a walk and mentioned that she can't get over how much younger I'm looking because of the weight I've lost. It's turning out to be a fairly good day considering it's a Monday. It's amazing how the small things can make life seem that little bit less bleak.

I think I'll take your advice PM and start living one hour at a time. A whole day is a bit ambitious right now but I think I can manage to have at least one happy hour every day.

Life is looking up folks. Hopefully it will last.

Well CIW, if you feel this good on a Monday wow! We will hang on to our hats come Friday.
I know it doesn't work like that be nice if it did tho.
Count those blessings, tuck the good times/feelings away for the rainier days.

Isn't it amazing what the odd compliment and kindness can do for our PMA, make sure you pass it on-good karma.

Have a good week.

Thanks for your comments Naej. Yesterday did turn out to be a fairly good day. I watched a good comedy movie last night and had a couple of good chats to friends and family on the phone. It all helped keep my spirits up.

It's first thing in the morning again as I've just sat down at my desk. I'm not feeling overly joyous this morning but then I'm not feeling as bad as I was yesterday morning either. I guess it's just going to take me a bit longer to wake up to an empty house on the mornings I don't have wee man. I get him tomorrow night so hopefully we'll have a good time.

I was thinking about how to make progress with my W last night and pretty much drew a blank. I have very little contact with her at all at the moment and I think she's fairly unaware as to how I'm living my life. I'm not sure how she's living hers either for that matter. She sent me a text yesterday and it had an X at the end of it. I'm not going to read anything in to that as I'm sure it's just force of habit for her. Anyway, when I texted her back, I left out the X. Small things but I have to be consistent in my actions.

I have to meet my W and go to the bank at some point today because there's some problem with splitting our accounts. The one thing I find very hard is that every time I'm with her now I really struggle to think of anything funny to say. I would love to make her laugh again. I think I'm going to have to make that a goal - Make my wife laugh by something I say. It's only a baby step but I know I have to get her as a friend before there's ever a chance she's going to come back. One problem we have there is that we were never friends before we started dating so it's uncharted territory there.

It's my intention to contact a DB coach when I get paid at the end of the week. I'm only going to go for the single session to begin with to find out how much of a help I think it's going to be. Afterwards, if I feel good about it, I'll book a further 3 sessions. Just have to see how it goes though. Watch this space for the results.....

Good job CIW. THat's a great idea of thinking up something funny to say. You are on the right track with that. DB Coach too, you will be inspired, I'm sure.

Keep the positive thoughts going!

Thanks for the support PM. It's strange, when I'm with other people I never fail to get them to laugh. It's always been something I was able to do at the drop of a hat. With my W though, I'm not sure whether it's my emotional state when I'm around her or the wall she's put up to stop me getting too close but I just can't seem to muster the humour.

Kev

I am sure it will just take awhile for you two to be more relaxed around each other. No need to force it. She just has to go through what she is going through. You can't help her. She needs to do it at her own pace and to figure out things for herself. Sometimes the results are good, sometimes they need to get lost first.

I'm trying not to force it PM but I would still like to see one of these baby steps that everyone else talks about. I've arranged to meet her at the bank this afternoon so hopefully will be able to keep things light between us. To be honest, that's not usually a problem. It's trying to keep things from being awkward that seems to be the struggle at the moment. It all just seems so clinical that every time I see her it upsets me. I accept the fact that she doesn't think she loves me any more. The feeling I get these days though is that she doesn't even like me. That's the part I'm really finding hard to deal with.

Maybe she'll never get lost. That's praying on my mind all the time. What if she thrives on single life? I know I can't do anything about it and that's what makes me feel so useless. I can only keep trying though. I have to keep telling myself that it's still early days.

Should I tell her that I've been asked out by my female friends on Saturday night?

CIW,

I don't know if your wife doesn't like you at the moment, or if she really doesn't like herself. Sometimes, when one is upset with oneself, that can be taken out on others. Let it slide off of you, you can't control it. When you meet her, just look good, smell good and act happy.

What would your motive be for telling her about Saturday night? Are you trying to make her jealous?

dw

HI CIW, I understand about how you must feel, to have the love of your life think that you are not lovable anymore is a very bitter pill to swallow. I really don't think that she really doesn't like you,though. What I got out of it is that she doesn't like her life right now. She can't reconcile the fact that maybe there is something else which is more suited to her and in some way she attributes her unhappiness with you. That is why on one hand, you need to take responsibility for the stuff that didn't go right in your marriage and think hard on those things and try to remember what she complained about.
But on the other hand, you need to keep yourself from being dragged into HER unhappiness. That's where GAL and POV comes from. Take responsibility and control of your own actions and leave the rest alone. Let her deal with her own feelings and actions, those belong to her.

If she thrives on the single life and the last two years were a mistake for her then she will have to deal with that. She created the situation with you, not forced into it. She has to reconcile the fact that she will be a single mom of a small boy. Don't think that she will be HAVING FUN. It's no fun having to live with a guilty conscience. In fact, it's a lot of work.
If being single and living with a guilty conscience for the rest of her life is what she ultimately wants, then there ISN'T much you can do about it. You will need to move on and find your happiness with someone else. So you need to ask yourself, how much time you are willing to give to this love of your life to sort out her feelings. One year, two, three, five? You need to be totally honest with yourself and this is your decision alone. No one can tell you whether it is too long or too short.

It's a big risk I know but so is everything else in life.
But the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward, right?

Regarding Saturday night, can you arrange it so that she finds out from someone else? E.g. her co-worker or family member? You telling her might be a bit too 'in her face', that you are still waiting around for her reaction for everything. If she finds out by accident, then it's more like, 'Oh, he is having fun without me, how dare he?' See the difference?

Davidswife, PM, thanks for your replies. To answer the one question you both asked. I'm not going out to make my W jealous. I want to go out to enjoy some time with friends and to take my mind off the fact that I'm single on V Day. I know she'll find out whether I tell her or not because there's bound to be a few of her friends out and they will report back to her. The only reason I thought about telling her is because I have absolutely no intention of getting with either of the girls who have asked me out and I don't want her to think that I am going to be. I'm scared that if she thinks I'm doing it then it's ok for her to do it and start playing the field again. That's something I want to avoid for as long as possible. I'm really not ready to hear that she's been with someone else. It's a confusing situation so I'm at a loss as to what I should do.

That's quite relevant to your other points too PM. My W always had an active social life and a load of single friends. She won't have Wee Man every second weekend and will therefore be free to do as she wants. That's why I suspect that she will be having fun and enjoying her time as a beautiful, young, single girl. Her friends will make it their mission to try and make her have a good time. I just worry what's going to happen with her when the alcohol starts flowing. Once the inhibitions are out the window, some guy will take advantage of her and it's going to destroy me finding that out.