Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers \My wife is going to leave me in 5 days--help!

What Mellenmack said. ^

Puppy

Yeah, I dressed up and walked out of my room and my SS said wow pretty snazzy--you can tell you lost weight--where u going? I said out--he said cool. Went to a local sports bar w/ a friend from work and caught up things and had a few beers. What do you know--she called again but this time Melissa I followed your advice and didn't answer--wanted to really bad and tell her to get her ass home but resisted. My buddy said yeah let her think you're out having the time of your life. She left a voicemail--nothing big just some info and have a good time tonight(guess she came back home to get some clothes, wow it sucks bad that she doesn't even want to be at home) and I'll see you tomorrow.

This DB technique is actually quite scary to me as I could see it backfiring? Any thoughts on that? I mean I still want her to come back home and don't necessarily think I'm out screwing other women--damn I've been married a while...

I am trying to be realistic--but still jet-lagged and broken-hearted. If I don't have hope then I might as well give up. Want so bad for this to be better.

Good analogy w/ the stinky bait--point taken and I think I did ok w/ not answering the phone call. Well good night all, maybe I'll be able to get a decent nights sleep??? Hope so.

You did good! I am quite proud of you!

Stinky bait!! lol. Reminds me of Grumpy Old Men when Gus puts that Stanky Ole Fish in Max's car.

I know it's hard and agree that it is scary that it could backfire. But it won't. I used to be scared of it, too, but she spent how many years with you? I wouldn't worry. You have kids together. She has to be around. She may try to accuse you of being out screwing other women, in which case, only makes her look MORE GUILTY. I just don't think she misses you and the marriage yet. Is she really the type of woman to just automatically assume you're out with other girls? If so,...and you put up with that for 19 years??? (can't remember how many years you said.)

You did good, tonight, kiddo. Keep it up. I know it's hard. We are waiting for them to come to their senses, and every phone calls means they could have! Except that they haven't. I REALLY DO TRULY BELIEVE that if our spouses change their minds, they will come to us and tell us. Because I did. I went to my H and told him I realized what huge loser I had been, that I was stupid, I made a mistake, I wanted things to work between us, I loved him, I was sorry, I swore it would NEVER happen again. So I know he knows exactly where I stand. And if he wants it back, all he has to do is shove OW out the door, go to MC with me, and start working to piece things back together.

In other news....do you remember that picture of the midair refueling?? You know there are only about, what, 5000 pictures of those. They are amazing too. I go to icanhascheezburger.com sometimes and the title of that pic was "How baby planes are made." Thought it was cute.

Have a good night's sleep. You know, maybe you want to go to the doc. Geez, I hate to recommend that, but I know you are having a hard enough time readjusting to life stateside and not being in a combat zone anymore. With everything else on top of it, an IC might not be a bad idea. Just a thought. You gotta take care of you first and then the kids.

Melissa

And you know what else!!

If she thinks you are the type of guy who comes home after a year in Iraq and goes out the first or second night looking to screw other women, then why did she marry you?? She does not think that. And if she does THEN IT'S HER PROBLEM. It's HER false belief, NOT yours. You have done nothing wrong, and she has no reason not to believe you. AND LET'S JUST SAY YOU WERE, FOR ARGUMENT'S SAKE....what...is she jealous??? Why should she be jealous if she doesn't want the marriage anymore??

So let it go. No worries. You're doing good. Really.

Melissa

Dammit!!!! Major setback last night. She called again. I was at home and answered. She said that my SS went off on her and said why are you doing this to dad. He told her I'm leaving in 2 days are you even going to be around to spend some time with me? Then she asked me if I had tried to hack her hotmail account. I told her no, what are you talking about? (dammit I did and I got caught but will never admit it to her) She said I am done with him and you both. Oh crap, when she says that she usually means it. I know she is going to move out--OMG here we go again--my emotions are taking over big time. I don't want to do crap right now--this sucks so bad and I miss her so much!!!! Why the freak is this happening to me? Looked at my email and she said nice try--why cant this split just be civil? What the freak am I going to do? Why is she doing this--I don't think I'm gonna get her back. Not giving up but man this hurts... Talked w/ my SS and asked him what purpose his interaction served. He said he was just mad--I said please just stay out of it, you did more harm than good. Man, I feel like curling up in a ball. I gonna go lay down--don't know if I'm gonna post anymore today or for a few days--so scared and lonely right now.

AF,

First of all, shame on you for blasting your son, who loves you, clearly hates to see you in pain, and was only trying to DEFEND you. I think you owe him an apology.

Secondly, you need to GET A GRIP. I'm sorry, but I don't know how to say it any more plainly. Your wife said she's done with you? Excuse me, but she's ALREADY made that decision (at least for the time being) by screwing around on you. So now you're going to let some sort of PROCLAMATION from her deter you from your course?

Sorry man, if that's all you got, then you're not ready for this. Just considering your occupation, I'm thinking you got much, much more to give here. Time to 'nad up -- Life dealt you a great big chit sandwich, and it's time to get cracking on how to deal with it, and not get blown off your path by the first 35mph wind that comes along. Time to show that 16 year old young man how to deal with adversity with strength and honor.


"Being defeated is often a temporary condition.
Giving up is what makes it permanent."

- Marilyn Vos Savant

Puppy

AFWAW,

A few things that you need to be damn near perfect at:

• Take care of the kids and don't hurt them with your words. Whatever you do/say will get back to your W....it is a reflection of who you are becoming. Be strong for your kids and love them through this. They are hurting TOO!
  
• DO NOT SNOOP! Keyloggers....checking her e-mail...will do NO good and LOTS OF HARM! Trust me...most of us tried it and it burned us! Anything you learn is useless if you want to restore your marriage. It might be helpful if your goal is to be D and mess of your W...which I know it is not.
  
• Read the DB Book today if you can! Detach, GAL, 180s...all critical steps!

Best wishes for you, AFWAW! As a former vet myself, I want to tell you how much I appreciate your service! You are a good man.....and even though it might not feel like it this minute, there are lots of good signs in your sitch! Take care!

I disagree in some very specific instances. I think verifying what's going on is good initially, so you know what you're dealing with, and it's also needed as part of a full transparency plan later on in order to verify the promised no-contact. But he ALREADY knows she's wayward, and she's running hell-bent from him and hasn't promised him ANYTHING at this point, so I'd agree that snooping is only going to mess with his head and take him off his game.

Puppy

Puppy,
You're right, I'll express my appreciation for him sticking up for me--just too wrapped up in this--hard to stay focused.

Thanks for the kick in the nuts--I'm going to go lift weights here in a bit and run for a while too. I guess I'm being too hard on myself. From me to you and everyone else, I AM NOT GIVING UP!

Thanks again...

As far as the snooping goes, I AM DONE!! I thought about this for a bit and it took a lot of my time and energy yesterday--only about 1 hour, but heh, that could have been me time. It just pissed off the wife too, so whatever happened/happens it will unfold eventually and hopefully I will find out why she is doing this or I won't, who knows. I don't think she will bring her computer back to the house and I honestly don't think it serves a good purpose right now for me. Maybe if she was screwing me with all the bills, then it would be worth it. I'm not calling her today, not even going to check my email, just going to focus on cleaning the house and relaxing. One day at a time, one minute at time. And Puppy, I'm not giving up--I love my wife and want her to come home!