I'm sorry if I'm ignorant in this...but just a quick re-cap on your story...
Did your H have an ow ? If so, for how long? And how have you gotten to this wonderful point you're at ??!
I'm letting go of my H as we speak...but there's a little, tiny place in my heart that still desperately wishes it to be possible to maybe one day 'find' each other again....
MMMM hope this wasn't a totally stupid question !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
No your question isn't stupid but there is no "quick recap" to my sitch, lol.
He has never had another woman through all this.
Things changed when I reached a point within myself where I didn't care what happened anymore.
I just wanted to end up wherever God wanted me to end up and with whomever He wanted me to be with and even if He wanted me to stay alone, that was fine with me. A lot of frustration led me to that point. More than I can convey. One day I lost my give a damn. That was how desperate I was for peace. I quit caring about anything but seeking THAT and I just wanted to live.
The burden to "save" my marriage left me. And with that, I was free from fighting anymore - and I was SO TIRED after 3 years of fighting!
I guess something changed in my interactions with Jeff after that because shortly thereafter we started hanging out and I've even spent a couple nights with him when both kids were elsewhere. Now we're starting this thing where we're doing stuff together and making plans to go places - things we NEVER did before - and who knows where it goes from here? I don't have, want or need an agenda because I will be fine no matter what.
Telling myself for so long that I had nothing to lose, so I'd better give it my all - was detrimental to me over time because I failed to realize when I had nothing left and I just kept on going. Last September/October I hit the wall though. By November things were changing. It's insane. I have no idea what the heck happened and would love to one day hear Jeff's version of how/why things changed - lol.
Fascinating....and to be honest, I'm reaching the 'I just want this all to end and I too am loosing my give a damn...' It's weird, but I do understand your exhaustment of it. And yes, I just long to LIVE right now.
Of course I do realize after all this time over here on the boards that all stories are different and I can clearly see that my H is not coming back, he is very happy and in love with his 11 year younger ow. He needs her and I think she needs him. I've reached a point where I don't need him personally, just to be our kids' father. I find myself looking for less and less contact with him, and even though I miss it and would wish to hold on to that last little bit of him (of hope), I know in my heart, that it is only an illusion that I am holding on to. It's painful to realize, but I am doing good on my own, I'm happy with me, I do still feel jealous of the ow for being young, beautiful and probably sweet and loving....
It's never fair, but I think I should have cherished our love more. I am not blameless in this.
Thanks again Amy, I wish you the most wonderful time with your H...I hope you cherish all the moments as life is too short not to. And if Jeff ever reveals his 'side', I hope to read that post !
Take care, Cinders x
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
