Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My Sad WAH Story: Is there Hope?

H texted this morning. Wanted to pick up more stuff. It's just junk left in our shed. I thought he was done. Is this cake eating? He hasn't gone over 4 days without some sort of contact. Only to pick things up though. He never calls to talk to the kids. He never makes plans with them other than his every other weekend with them. He didn't spend much time with them before so I guess every other weekend is enough for him and them. IDK........ I texted him back and told him we would be at church. I should have said "We won't be home."

I make it a point to always look my very best (or as Native says, Always look HOT!)and be in a happy mood whenever he comes over. Or I'll try not to be here or be on my way out.

It's hard though. I miss him and think about him all the time.

When we were in church this morning I wished he was there to hear the message, I swear it was for him.

I watched "click" the other day, and wished he would watch it. It is a great movie!

I just can't seem to find a part of me that doesn't have to do with him, does that make sense?

Well, enough venting for now. Thanks for reading.

Oh lord, please help me.

H texted tonight asking if he could take the kids out to ice cream. I called him and said that would be fine, they would love it. I should have known better. He ambushed me.

First thing he did when he got over is ask me if I had contacted an attorney. I haven't so I said no. I asked why, he said he wanted to get this over with and file. Then he asked if I had looked into moving into an apartment and if I wanted to give up the house.

I finally lost it and said "what do you want???" You obviously have an agenda, what is it that you want? He said nothing.

I said I don't have any choice in this matter, I have no income coming in. You have left me in quite a pickle. In 2 years I will have my RN degree and then I won't have to depend on anyone but myself but for now I have nothing. He just sat there and said nothing. I gave up my career 11 years ago to be a stay at home mom. Now I have nothing to fall back on.

I really tried hard to stay silent, and just listen. But he doesn't just talk to me . he presents me with questions and never offers anything. No love, no emotion, just wants to move on and get rid of me.

He even went so far as to say that I could get a 1 bd for myself and he would keep the kids and the house while I go to school. I just fell to pieces. Just the thought of leaving my kids and I lost it. Not for him, for them. I'm just a mess.

I've lost him forever, he wants nothing to do with me. He is gone. I am so broken, I feel like I'm dying again inside. It's almost as bad as Christmas day. No, it feels worse, cause I still had hope then. Now I have none.

I could really use some advice here...... feeling lost.

Best thing I can tell you right now.. is don't panic.

Give me about 10 mins.. I am reading thru your post.

"I just can't seem to find a part of me that doesn't have to do with him, does that make sense?"

This is why we all fall down.

I know you don't want to hear this right now.. but this little "thing" you are going thru right now.. will make you a better person.. win or "lose".

I know you have heard it.. or read it a million times.. but time is your "friend" right now.

"H texted tonight asking if he could take the kids out to ice cream. I called him and said that would be fine, they would love it. I should have known better. He ambushed me."

So.. I think what you said was.. you knew there was gonna be some "Drama"... and there was.

"First thing he did when he got over is ask me if I had contacted an attorney. I haven't so I said no. I asked why, he said he wanted to get this over with and file. Then he asked if I had looked into moving into an apartment and if I wanted to give up the house."

I did not see if he has served papers yet.. has he?

(((MIP))) I am halfway through your thread and just want to offer you my support. I will catch up soon.

Be strong.

Tango

Forrest,

No, he hasn't served yet. But he is working on getting the papers together. I have told him I am not the one who wants this but I wont fight him.

As far as drama, I guess I should know by now that he has nothing to offer me. I still hold out too much hope when there is no hope to speak of.

"No, he hasn't served yet."

Until you get papers.. nothing has changed. Right now he is just living "somewhere" else. Don't get drawn into discussions.. about things that have not happened yet. If this is what he wants.. he has to move it forward. Don't go see a A.. until you get the papers. Don't make that first move. Don't provoke him to go and "Do It" either. A simple "No" if he asks again.. and move on. When you get/If you get papers.. then we talk.

"Alone Time"

This is the killer. Again.. if you have read my posts.. I really harp on this. You need to find something to fill your "Alone Time". The quicker you do.. the better off you will be.

Think outside the box.. you never know what will work. Don't do things.. you already enjoy.. take this time and find a new hobby.

I have heard and seen all kinds of thought diversion activities.

I am a big proponent of the smile. It works.. even if its fake.

Don't overdo the looking hot.

Break things down to their simple form.. think about your actions and words.. and where they may lead you. Try to not worry about what he is doing.. if you just worry with you.. you will find you have less and less time to worry about him.

I will keep an eye out.. I have some other thoughts also.. but right now.. you need to focus on getting you.. well enough to handle the "drama" that may be coming.

For me this was the key.. getting myself ready for the next turn of events.. and getting a plan in place.. to deal with those changes. It is really hard to do.. where you are right now.

#1.. GAL.. something.. anything to kill that "Alone Time". You will know when you find it.

#2.. The day you get papers.. get a notebook and keep a log. Nothing emotional.. just what he does.. or does not do that you see.

#3.. Focus on what you can change.. right now all that could be.. is your frame of mind. So you know where to focus right?

#4.. When you are not focusing on #3.. Focus on the kids. Make it seem like daddy is just at work.. and enjoy them.

This is a hard walk.. but you can do it..

Keep your head up..

And Always...

I couldn't help myself. I asked him to try and imagine how I feel. Try to imagine what it feels like to be tossed aside like a piece of trash. How one week he is so loving and affectionate and the next week he doesn't want to be married. How does that happen? And it wasn't just me he tossed aside. He knows it too.

I asked him if he felt he was getting what he wanted. If he felt he was going to be happier once all this was over. He couldn't answer. He could only say that he didn't want to stay unhappy. But when asked why he was or is unhappy he has no answers. He just is.

I told him that all my tears are for the kids, and just the idea of not being able to keep them and the house was very upsetting. He doesn't say a thing. He used to be so great when I was upset. He would be so comforting, and sweet. I miss that.

I also told him that I know that we are over, and I don't want him to think that he can't talk to me about other stuff without worrying that it would give me hope. I told him that I worry about him and that I can see he really needs a friend to talk to, and I was sorry that I wasn't there for him before. I just wanted to open that door for him, even though he couldn't talk to me before, maybe he could now. IDK, I'm sure I'm just setting myself up for more disappointment.

I feel so sad, and hopeless for us. I just don't see any chance whatsoever of anything happening for us. It really seems over.

Forrest,
Again, I so appreciate your words of wisdom. I wanted to read back on your "do work" thread but I can't seem to get it to work.

Can you post the regular link?