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So it is just you, Shawn, posting here? And she can read it?

To be very blunt, if I were her and read that you think that are doing nothing wrong, I would be very pi$$ed. Start focusing on yourself, listen to and validate what she says. There is not one human being in this world who is never wrong or does not make a mistake. And you are human, right?

Stop talking negatively about her, because it is unhealthy and causes more resentments in you (and her probably as well). Stop focusing on the past and look at every day as a new start. Do it just for yourself (and your kids), to feel better about yourself. Ignore what she says or does.

AN

Shawn, it's not a case of just letting her get her way with everything. Problems never get resolved by fighting about them. It's time for you to change your strategy on this. Was it not General Macarthur who said, "We are not retreating - we are advancing in a different direction."

It's a case of stop doing what so obviously isn't working. You'll be told on this site numerous times that you can't change your wife. Don't even try. The only person you can change is yourself. Read Divorce Remedy. It helps a lot.

i have been the only one to post so far. although she has been looking over my shoulder and snickering every now and agian...
one agian im the only one that thinks there is a problem.
she is just fine thinking im wrong about everyting, even my feelings and needs.
still dont think you all understand...things like in mixed company...i cant finish sentences cause im wrong..it has gotten to the point that im waiting for her to start cutting my food.
i dont know...maybe im am all at fault maybe i am looking for something different. i dont know anymore

Shawn,

We DO understand. Most of us, in fact, have BEEN you.

We're just trying to get you to LISTEN because maybe we're further down the path than you are right now. You have a great opportunity to learn from others' mistakes.

Would you rather be "right," or fix your marriage?

Puppy

Shawn, for what it's worth, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be doing this with your wife looking over your shoulder. If she's reading this, you're giving her your gameplan dude. Not a good strategy in any walk of life. I'll repeat it again... you can't change Amber! Work on yourself.

Step 1: If she is going to make fun of your efforts to work on your R, you should stop posting in her presence. Either ask her not to read these forums, or post when she is not around.

She may be laughing, but what she doesn't realize is that she stands to benefit from the advice you receive here. If she thinks it is so pointless, ask her not to be involved in it for now.

Oh and stick around please. Based on what you have posted so far, you stand to benefit a great deal from the experienced people on these boards.

Step 2: Get "The Divorce Remedy" and read it.

I think the advice you're being given is sound. You aren't being told to do nothing, though it may feel like that. You are being adviced to focus only on what you can control- yourself. Doing the same thing isn't going to make things better, and since the only thing you can change is yourself...well, you get the idea.

Agreeing with her doesn't mean that you are giving up. It just means that right now you need to get your relationship in a place where you are both doing well enough that you can maybe talk and actually hear each other. The talks can come later, when you are more connected. That's my understanding anyway. Others can maybe shed more light on that.

I disagree with the advice that you agree to everything she says. There is a difference between agreeing and validating.

It's not, "Shawn, you are a jerk" and you say, "yep, I am". That's agreement, and it may be totally incorrect.

She might say, "I'd like to sleep with some other guy, in our bed." I doubt you should say, "okay dear".

Validating is trying to see her point. You don't have to agree or disagree. There isn't any reason to, it's what she feels. She (and you) are entitled to your feelings, wrong or right...that doesn't mean you have to agree with them. It's more:

Amber: "Shawn, you are a jerk".
Shawn: "Why do you feel that way?"
Amber: "Because it seems you always belittle me. You look down at me. You are insensitive to my needs."
Shawn: Listening, listening, listening. "I'm sorry you feel that way." If partly true, or unintentionally true, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I can see how you could feel that way."

Or
Amber: "The sky is yellow".
Shawn: "Hmmm" or "Interesting" or "That's interesting, why do you say that?"

agreeded...posting in front of her might not be a good idea..joined the site to see if we could work together to fig. out whats going on.
i am all for the idea that i could be doing something wrong..
in fact being as how i cant figure it out on my own im sure of it...i just dontknow what it is...
i really try not to bash her on any level on any subject..
but she will disagree with things after i put the proof in front of her so i have no chance when it comes to how i feel about anything...
some of the problems might be self centered---like..i dont think i should be the only one to say,do or try anything with sex..
but others like stoping the kids from rough houseing in public,,,where i think there being brats and she thinks there just being kids and im to stricked.
and once agian thank you all and i am paying atten.

Is it always necessary for you to put proof in front of her? It sounds to me as though you both want to win the argument...and you'll provide the proof to do it. Decide what things you don't need to win an argument on. Decide when the issue isn't big enough for an argument. If she says, "Thomas Jefferson was the 6th President", if it'll just cause an argument, then it isn't even worth correcting, is it? It's not worth arguing (or agreeing) that the sky is not, in fact, yellow.

The sex issue is a different matter. For the moment, I would consider that your marriage isn't even in a place where you can expect much. With women, it may be that she needs to feel loved, and loving, before she'll initiate. Has it always been an issue? Or is it just since things have been going south? There could be other issue at work here; depression, exhaustion, kids, doesn't feel sexy, doesn't feel loved, don't feel in love. Try to improve things between you.

Since your the one posting, how about listing a few things you'd like to see improve in your marriage, what YOU intend to do about it (your goals...don't list things your wife needs to fulfill, like "my wife will kiss me in the morning", etc), and how you'll recognize when things have taken a babystep in the right direction. How about for the next week you make an effort to hear her out completely on her gripes and validate her feelings about it. See if things change any.