Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy My worst fears confirmed! Wife having EA/PA...

well I guess you did get it...the female perspective.

Actually PT may be very helpful now as well. I honestly didn't recall the prior A you had so that puts it in a diff light for me. Hey PT if you are reading this, what's your take on this now? I feel as if she was the first "victim" and they had not worked his A out at all, according to him and that does change things for me. Not all bad news.

I have to say from what she wrote in the email, I see pain all over the place. So yeah, she does care. And a lot of "Who am I if I married a guy who'd do this to me, and is it 'me' or him or what?" She is embarrassed by her actions which MAY be related to her need to know she's still attractive, but she is deeply wounded.

Dang,

I just ache for both of you.
( j )

PS okay, you said you could take some 2 x 4s...

what's up with the "what's done is done" when you refer to YOUR A, and you say your "affair was simple"


Really? Did your w 'get that" it was "SIMPLE"? Seriously read your posts about how YOU felt before the affair and the myspacing (PT where were you then?) and how low you felt but wouldn't let your w in, and etc

but you post here about your obsessing and snooping debates, when you are not even sure what actually happened with your w? Don't you see any double standards here? Is the reason you are so terrified she'll have an A, or will again, is b/c YOU did? Don't poo poo her pain and then magnify yours. Her A is actually a lot simpler for ME to understand now. Simpler than yours. Seriously.

is there any projection going on? All I'm saying is when I re-read your post wherein you supposedly don't want to downplay the regrets you feel or the pain you caused her....you then DO downplay the effect.... and you go back to you and your pain...


I'm still rooting for you but had to give you that feedback when I re-read your posts. Seriously think about how you are portraying your own A, which took forethought and planning and her crazy weekend took less FROM THE SOUNDS OF HER EMAIL AT LEAST but I don't want your A's to compete with each other.
(sigh) Just wish I had noted that more before and yet, even now, you are still able to move past the pain you caused her faster than you realize. Look at your wording again, and contrast how you describe your A, with what you worry your w has done and how it makes YOU feel.

"what's done is done"...hmmm, why can't she say that to you?
( j )

25,

She was definetley the first victim, further I have been very self-centered throughout our marriage. I never really new "how to connect" with her. Not saying I am an expert but I have a much better understanding of that now (with a long way to go).

This is what I know as of today:

1. She sent hime a Goodbye letter today AND deleted him off of her Myspace account. GOOD! She did it on her own I did not ask.

2. WE are staring to communicate again. Slow going but she seems to be awakining.

3. She is feeling remorse over the EA. Same thing I went through.

4. Space for her is a must so she can rediscover herself with out the pressure of our R. The separation as she says will either wake up a desire for an "us" or it won't. I want to give that to her out of love.

5.She is a GOOD woman. I statred all of this so I need to be patient in a way I have never been.

6. A separation will give me time to work on me. I have changed alot but there are miles to go. A lifetime to go.

25,

I have four children. My oldest is as SD15 who I have very little rights over and she is old enough to make her own decisions and is cleaving to Mom right now.

My Bio children are S12, S9, S7. So when I say my boys they are the ones who I have custodial planning to be concerned with. That being said I will continue to nurture my realtionship with SD as I have raised her from 1.5 years old.

Jeff

That's ALL good news, including your R with sd. REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT THAT YOU SHOW HER WHAT A MAN IS, or can be.

Sounds like Sd only has you. And you seem ready to see that this M restoration will take some real time if you were as selfish as you say. (Change, admitting fault and working on it to improve as a person, are things you can pass on to your children/boys if you step up the plate on this, regardless of what your w or M does...)

Like I posted, I've been here awhile, and reconciling has been worth it so far. But it takes more than you thought you had in you and you are never really "done" working on it, if you know what I mean. Yet, I hope and believe it'll yield more than you came to expect over the past few years too.

( j )

I know its worth whatever time I have to devote to it.

By the way when we were talking about leasing places she was VERY focused on 6 month leases! That has to be good!

Jeff

I'm not buying the moral equivalency. You EACH need to take responsibility for your infidelity. The only responsibility she's taking for HERS is that it was caused by YOURS.

I don't see a mature, introspective mind here. I see FOG.

Puppy

What posts? All I'm seeing is her e-mail to him... where is his e-mail(s) to her? Sorry, I'm coming in late here.

Pup,

This was an email she sent to OM (Goodbye) and the other to a mutual friend of both.

Jeff

I only saw the one she posted to the mutual friend, btw.
( j )

Here you go (to OM this AM):
"Goodbye (to OM)

Just thought I'd make this easy for you. I wish you all the happiness in the world. In the words of Alley from the Notebook " I am a stupid woman" or at least have been."