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Do you love your husband?
Are you truly happy?

FIB

Yes I love him ...
I wondered this too recently.
To be honest.

And I will say yes I am happy.
Check my last post to Cinco.

I am aware that I can be happy even while Married to someone who is very depressed still.

I have been doing "THE WORK" with Byron Katie.
And posting on another Forum with Old , Wise SSM posters from here.
They have also given me tough love like you and S&A.

I am awake now so to speak.

I am no longer throwing myself in a volcano so he will change or love me more or notice??!~!

Yuck...
That is why I started the new thread with the Title ~Aztec Princess~
I am Latin and although I don't know if the princess got thrown in the volcano.
I do know that it has something to with SACRIFICE.
I had been doing way to much of that .
And then I wondered why we were both miserable?

I am embracing the beautiful WOMAN.
I have always been.
FINALLY
Not just talking about it , really doing it.


I just love you FIB~

always digging deep with very few words.

I am Happy now that you mention it , Content and satisfied with myself even .
H?
I am happy with his sudden progress but I will not hold my breath or stop being happy when he falls down. * I used to live/love/be like this. *sigh*
I am there to help him up as a Wife should.
BUT I AM NOT PULLING HIM UP W/O ANY EFFORT FROM HIM.
That was tiring.

I am doing my best.
Thank you for asking love.

How are you?
If I rememeber correctly?
You like Wayne Dyer ?
Me too.
I loved his concepts.

And I *personally* could not figure out how to *live * them.
Check this out... The Work ~ Byron Katie
You may just fall in love with her and her "work" like I did.
It has transformed my life in a short time.
The suffering I carrried around is all but gone.
I compared it to.....

In my head I used to feel like the Tv with no antenna on it.
A ton of white noise.
Now?
It is tuned in and Andrea Bocelli is playing.
Beautiful.....
Andrea Bocelli

Take care love and keep in touch.

I am in love with life.. and there are times of up and down with hubby but he doesn't drag me down into the depths of h*ll anymore.
He is a part of my life , not my life anymore.
That was wrong of me to love and live like that.
Wrong for myself and him too.

Love,
Ali

I just wanted to post this .

I know *I* sound like a craze GRANOLA EATING HIPPIE CHIC~
and that I am beating a dead horse
But frankly *I* love granola...



I would like to say that if you use SSM or DB in conjunction with Byron Katies work.

You would transform in a shorter time.

180s are turnarounds.
My old mantra was ?
Will this take me closer or further away from my goal?
Sometimes I see how others struggle with knowing what the book is trying to say.
So I mean no disrespect to DB or MWD.
DB saved my M , along with my hard work....... no doubt about that. I changed for the better.

I love this place.
I have been allowed to be free with my thoughts and say them out loud and learn to be courageous.

I found myself thru this process.
yes it sounds Cliche.
But I really did find myself.

MY H not tolerating the way things were and the OW.
Were my extreme wake up call.

OUCH~!~!~!~!~!


I still kept myself in the prison of my making by sort of living for myslef and focusing on me but not enough to free myself totally.


I see that now....

I saved my M and then slowly started giving up myself again.

I didnt have the right tools.

I read so may books and analyzed myself to death.

May 1st of this year wil mark 3 years of the hard as h&ll RECONCILING.

If I continue to grow and H continues to as well?

I will then post my STORY in success stories.

I never did , even though I was told over and over again to do it.
I wanted more than "SAVING IT".
I wanted to be Happily Married.
Not like in the Fairy Tales.
But content and loved and respected. Like he was committed to me too.

I wanted for him to open his heart and yet i had an escape plan in the back of my head.
Just on case, he leaves.
So it wont hurt so much.
yes I gave too much, but at a price.
The price was I was holding back the very thing he always wanted MY SELF , the REAL ME.

I didnt do it on purpose but I di dget in my own way.
I accepted a lot of bad behavior in the name of that love.


I am so glad to be here and to have grown from this.

I am happy .... I have come full circle.


God bless,
Alicia


* I hope it made sense ... It just came out and I wanted to post.

Thanks FIB~ you have made me think this morning. And now I see that I have finally done what I was supposed to do all along.
LOve ME~!~!

It isn't selfish or cliche.
It is NECCESSARY~

God bless you...

Ali can I print this and give this to Mrs. Cinco? This is absolute gold.

This says exactly what has been holding us back too. Yes we saved our marriage 7 years ago. It never was quite a happy marriage again though. I think we both had our escape plans in the backs of our heads and that is what has kept us apart. Mrs. Cinco never felt that she had my total commitment so she never opened her heart fully to me. My heart was never fully open to her either because I could sense her mistrust.

Remember her admitting to me now that she doesn't trust that I won't leave her again?

This makes it so clear to me why it never felt quite right and what we have to do if we are to ever have that true passion for one another again. We must rebuild the trust for each other again. Then we will be able to love again with open hearts.

I like this Ali.

Cinco

I am glad you like it...
Try it. Do it~
Close the escape door and give from the best of you.
You will notice. ( a difference * you will feel it)


I think I remember one of my first posts to you I did also say ...
Give from the very best in you.
I knew that was **KEY**
but I lacked the tools and that knowledge to completely freely give from the best in me.


That post ?

I didnt think too much... I just stayed open and typed.
That is why I thanked FIB.
I had an *AHA * moment ( like Oprah says)

I have been opening myself up with Yoga and THE WORK and just looking at myself and my actions.

How can I expect for him to jump in the pool w/o checking the water?
When I refuse to get in or just put my toe in?


I think you need to read PM again with an open mind and you will find all the GOLD in you Cinco.

Make amends with your past , not to MRS CINCO .
TO ******YOU*********

and go from there.
MY face is blue ,, but I wont stop telling you what I know to be true.

Forgive yourself and then polish the Diamond in the rough that you are.
This will be the *absolute* best gift you ever give yourself.
If I can do it?

SO CAN YOU.
You are either in it or your not. I know you know what to do.
All my best,,, your friend.
Ali