Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
My Hubby and I had a fantastic weekend. { the kids did too actually..}
Anyway... My list of good things : 1. hubby walked up to me before saying goodbye yesterday at the home depot and he kissed me and then almost tripped on the wheel barrow he just bought. He hasn't kissed me like that in a long time. I loved it. ( not the almost tripping though..) 2. Yesterday he told me he wasn't going to leave this week after all , that he would stay another and then said " Do you mind if I stay another week, how does that sound ?" { he said it very happy not sarcastic}
" I think it sounds wonderful , we would love for you to stay another week!" I replied.
3. This weekend he was even more open and honest with me about his feelings and his drinking.... he showed a sweetness that I love and one of the reasons I fell in love with him. It was so awesome. Words cannot even describe it. { he is drinking even less and will look at me before grabbing a beer and then say " just one" I just smile at him. he did say this weekend that maybe he will go see a DR. cause he feels { anxiety?} on edge a lot and he doesn't like it. That he is going to start working out and eating healthier too. :hug: 5. He also helped make dinner the other nite and we had fun as a Family. 6. We went to the Movies ( Dark Knight ) and for lunch . He had to leave and move a trailer etc etc for the last bit of the Movie and said " if you don't mind I will be right back ." I kid you not I was almost in tears.... He once again has not been this sweet and real in a very long time. I am very proud of him. 7. the best thing?
He said he loved me but he loves the kids more. They are above our love and above us honey , they are our kids... They mean more.
Dare I say he is growing up more? Hasn't quit drinking yet , but I can honestly say he is on his way.
I also must say that I have done a great job of loving him and filling up his TANK, or whatever you want to call it. He talks spoiled to me frequently and that to me shows and says he is feeling very loved and cherished. I hadn't fully realized the power of my being on his. { or fully realized .. hey maybe I AM being resentful and I don't even realize it??? } I have taken the gift and accepted it and realized he is human too. I have feeling and I have needs... so does he. He is getting so much better and he is also getting better regarding serving himself and cooking occasionally too.
It is really nothing short of amazing when you let your guard down not just for what suits you or for a bit. But really let it down and get vulnerable and compassionate and appreciate your Spouse. Plain and simple, I feel very blessed. Not perfect and I still get emotional , but I feel very blessed and thankful. I put the sword down and I let myself love him . The results have been nothing short of amazing.
Thanks everyone, The book? You dont have to take it anymore, Stosny. I only wish I had gotten it sooner. But maybe I wouldn't have been ready for it? I feel so very happy and content, AND NOT A HAPPY THAT I GREEDILY HOLD ONTO IN CASE TOMORROW IS BLUE, a happy that I feel will continue to grow , if I let it!
Ava, I just knew that once the fog cleared for him, he would see how much you love him and are accepting of his love too. You are very blessed Ava and so is your H.
Ava, Just wanted to say WOW< and that is GREAT! Gives me hope and makes me want to keep going when I read that there just may be a glimmer of light ahead. Sounds like your on the right track for sure. Good Luck
Thanks Diane. Yeah I am on the right track finally. But boy did it take me forever to get here. A lot of heart ache and pain and tears and sweat for sure. { not trying to discourage you BTW~! } My journey has been a long one and it is far from over it is just beginning. Also I must say the work is well worth the reward. I am now sporting a hot pink ribbon, To remind me every day that he is fragile too just like me and he has needs and feelings too. To show him I love him. HIS FAMOUS LAST WORDS TO ME. ( every time we used to get into it, arguing that is..). Behind his tough exterior, I tend to forget that .... I am actively working on that and for it to be fluid not forced .
Yes there is a light at the end of the tunnel .. Get books read them and arm yourself with knowledge. It works. The best thing you can do is to work on yourself and become the best you that you can be and shine. It then spills over into everything you do. And let go of any resentment. Simple sentence and actually very difficult to find. My resentment was there hiding just under the surface and it comes out in your daily interactions and taints them. { you think to yourself , MOI? resentful ? I think not! I am this beautiful delicate flower... and then if you look hard enough and deep enough and honestly enough you find it, and you realize it needs to go.} Look for it and slowly work on getting rid of it. That is the best advice I have been given and when you follow it , miracles await you. I kid you not. All my best , ~Ava
I am doing well. I am feeling good. I am optimistic that the future may be full of brightness and not just sadness or me constantly working so hard and him not wanting to see that he has to step up too. I dare say my constant movement and new ways of coping and staying calm. of soothing myself.... and growing. Giving from my heart. He is slowly starting to see the light and that this newer improved version of me is here to stay. I also in turn am keeping this up. I used to start and then get scared , get anxious. Fall back into old patterns and he would stay stuck in his old and very unbecoming behavior. I have been brave and stayed the course. Brave in knowing if i act strong will it be ok or will he turn away from me? It has brought him closer to me. Saturday he pulled his old method of throwing a fit and I stayed calm and stood still. he went on about like a hurricane and I let him finish his ridiculous tirade. I did tell him he needed help but other than that? I said nothing to him. He called me later to apologize and told me he loved me. For him to do that is huge.... The sex life? is good..... Yummy in fact. I am getting more comfortable with being who I need to be around him and that spills over into the bedroom. Sunday I got 3 I LOVE YOUS~!~!~! I havent heard that many ILYs in a long time. So I am doing something right. FINALLY~ { It took me awhile to get it , the detaching ( from the pain and him dragging me down with his emotions and letting go of the resentment but I think I am on my way, it came natural for me to hold onto myself , that was the best part} Take care and God bless... ~Ava
Update DQ~? 1. he stopped drinking 2. he has been nicer than ever 3. he has talked so much tome and told me so may beautiful things that I felt so encouraged that our future was going to more tranquil. 4. I was so proud of him and fell in love with him more yesterday 5. Seems like when I get beauty then it is followed by a blow to it. 6. He doesnt have the balls to tell the garbage that hangs out with him at the bat to leave us alone. 7. I did mention this to him , and I know in his mind they mean nothing so I should be like the dali lama ( sp ) and rise above it. 8. I asked him if he would enjoy if I had a barfly entourage? ( no reply ) I know he has known them for years but that doesnt mean SH*t to me. 9. He says he loves me very much and that I am his world. ( his actions say otherwise) 10. So we have crossed the finish line and now I have to get thru to him that lying or keeping that part of his life secret from me is not ok.' He did take me out there to his local watering hole and I met some of these whores and they were trying to be so nice to me? I dunno DQ , I love him I really do , But I dont like being Married to someone who thinks this sh*T is normal. Whats right whats wrong? am I overreacting to women who arent worth a damn? I dont hink so?! Or if he goes to theri house afer bar but they are al just platonic friends/ This can of worms I dunno if I can make him see it is wrong? I shouldnt have to , he should know.
Sorry love, I am supposed to be on top of the world and I feel like an idiot.
You said on Cinco's thread, "we went to the doctor and he stopped drinking". Then you are saying he stopped drinking as #1 on this post.....
But I thought last night he came home drunk at 4:00 am?
I am confused, but don't worry about that....I just want to point out...that he has NOT stopped drinking and he really never will until he decides to do so for himself. But you already know that...
Honey...the "girly" thing to say is "he doesn't deserve you, blah blah blah, he's a jerk, yada yada yada".
But instead, I will say the witchy thing to you....
WHY are YOU with him? And I mean that deeper than just the surface. There IS a reason, and it may be a reason that is beyond your understanding (past lives, paying retribution to each other, tangled in the astral world together....)
But there IS a reason....
Now, we are never stuck with karma if we choose to undo it in this life. You can undo karma and you can undo previous agreements to a life together in this life.
Do you want to?
What do you really want?
You do say that you want the simplicity of just loving a loving husband and having him love you back....but that is never what you have actually had with him and it doesn't seem likely you will ever have that with him.
Therefore...there IS some other reason you are with him and some other thing you want from this.
Somewhere in your past or reincarnational past, you chose to be here, now, with him, in this way.
He came home @ 4 am on Saturday. And yes he is dry / clean now. We went to the Dr yesterday and he was prescribed meds , and he told the Dr he would follow the protocol to a T~ that he wanted to get better. He stayed home last nite and he didnt have not one beer. To me it was a miracle. When he filled out the questionare my tears filled with eyes. ( Questionare for Anxiety ) Every question he put 4 which meant very often he fees x , y or z.
I know you will think I am crazy DQ~ ( I dont think so cause you are a good witch * Wink *wink Like me) But I supposedly was his mother in a past life and he died when I gave birth to him. I cant believe I am telling you this. And no I am not nuts or drinking. I have had good times with him and seen the beautiful side of him. Like every Sunday for a month now he has devoted to me and the kids fully, That why I havent posted much , I have been very happy and so has he. I am not making excuses for him , but thats why it hurt si much for him to arrive late that day. For me he threw away all the weeks of him not going out and being a Real Man. I love him and its not cause I dont think I can get anyone else. It is a deep love and he loves me that way too. he just doesnt love himself like he loves me and that is where the problem is. Please advise DQ~
( not the almost tripping though..)
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