Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Wife left tonight

oh yea, when W called last night to say good-night to the kids she was surprised to find out I went out with a friend!

I wished I would have found this site and books months ago...maybe could have prevented this heartache now. Who knows but glad I'm here now and learning so much. Its been very hard and I miss W so much! But I don't cling on her and I stopped telling her how much I love and miss her. I just picked up DR and am reading Step 1 now.

To understand affairs better I highly recommend "not just friends", it will help you lots.

Not sure what you mean about "not just friends", is it in one of the books or a thread somewhere?

I think my W is finally going to tell the kids about her living with OM, they think she is living with a girlfriend. This weekend will be real hard when she does tell them. I’m still surprised how quickly W is ready to throw away long term R for a brand new R of only a couple of months. My C told me to hang in there and take care of myself which I am trying. The session with him last night was very good for me. Her therapist is encouraging her to follow her heart no matter who else gets hurt in the process; didn’t encourage her to come to me even when she first started to fall in love with OM.

Our marriage counselor still encouraging both of us to work on M, he is very baffled by W’s actions. He’s wondering why she is running and she really hasn’t been able to answer that question yet. I’ll keep my head up as much as I can.

sorry, it is a great book about understanding affairs.


Let her do this all on her own, refer all OM questions to her


same thing happened here, stbx's T told him a bunch of similar BS, sometimes IC with a new age T does more harm than good.

She still goes to MC with you? wow, that is something, hope something sticks in her head.

Keep GAL and keeping busy.

I think W still goes to MC with me to drop smaller bombs as there is someone else in the room...not sure
I have been reaching out to more friends and they been great in helping me by just listening to me talk on and on...
I definitely will let W do the talking and explaining to the kids about her new life with OM and leaving...I'll be here for them to lean on as W is spending less and less time with them. Very surprised she doesn't think she needs to see them often...this is not the same person I knew a few weeks ago who would never want to miss being with her kids...

Sorry you find yourself here, but glad that you found your way here. Many others in the same situation, trying to figure things out, trying to overcome the heartache, and just trying to make it day to day. You are on the roller coaster right now, strap in and hold on tight, there will be ups and downs, but there is a great community of people here that will help you through this and help get things in perspective.

I would suggest seeking out Sandi2, she was a WAW and has a lot of insight from that perspective, and she is also a wonderful source of inspiration as she is back with her H after many ups and downs.

As hard as it is right now, keep your hope and faith, as long as one partner is committed to saving the relationship, your marriage is not over. Stay strong, and lean on us, we all know the pain you are feeling, and we're here for you.

Roller coaster is so true. I'm not sure how receptive to be to W, if I should stay cold or warm, she seems so happy right now. If she texts me with her plans for the day and I respond ok or that's fine then she asks if im ok, then I say yes. Is this ok, responses?

I have talked with my next door neighbor who is a deacon and he is helping me find some support groups in are area.

Hi PPENTON,

I'm with you man. Its a fine line that we must weave. My XW is much like yours, always seems so happy. It drives me nuts.

I would suggest keeping your response short and to the point. That is what I try to do now. As a matter of fact, I try to let her initiate all contact.

If I were you, I would do the same. The thing you have to do is try to give your w the same impression that she is giving you.

As I stated above my XW always seems so happy, but I have heard from a few of her close friends that she misses me as much as I miss her. My xw wife is a very proud and independent women, she made her decision and I will be the last person at this point that she show she maybe be second guessing. I am prepared for the long run.

Get the book "hold on to your nuts" and read it. I just got it, and I wish I would have had it much earlier in my process. The thing we have to show our wives is that we are pround, strong, good men. Not needy, wuss, begging and pleading. I have made it clear to my XW that I was willing to do anything to save our M. Now I will show her that I can svurvive and even thrive with or without her!

Good luck my friend!!!!