Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy My worst fears confirmed! Wife having EA/PA...

Thank you, Stuck.

Mel

I really didn't use that much stuff. I wanted to know the truth, and my job and my homelife (kids' sports, etc.) was such that I did NOT have time to do anything inefficient. The cheap ($5/mo. after buying a $40 cellphone) GPS solution pushed e-mail alerts to me whenever my wife's car got within 100 yards of OM's house, their work, or his friend's house where they would hook up. It would also alert me when she LEFT work (she would often say she was working for, say, 4 hours, then she'd go there, work for 30 minutes, and leave and meet OM at the hookup house). I used the keylogger and gave it keywords of "divorce" "husband" "(OM's first name)") and a couple that I can't print here. And then put the voice-activated recorder in her car.

But yeah, you wouldn't want to be married to me, LOL (although I do clean up a mean sinkful of dishes!)

Puppy

I would add a fifth to that:

5) Many do not want to do the scary and difficult work of squarely facing their emotional issues.

Looking oneself SQUARELY in the emotional mirror AIN'T fun . . . for ANY of us. I was willing to do it immediately, but my wife is JUST now beginning to, after years of avoiding her issues.

Puppy

Great point PDT. All of us LBS have on varying degrees faced our fears and insecurities, whereas our WASs are letting themselves be led by theirs.

We are both in IC with same Christian Psychologist.

We are starting MC next week. He is very good at cutting through rhetoric and helping you be accountable for your actions and/or facing up to your issues.

She hasn't become a WAS yet. If I can DB and create a safe space I can hope for staying in the same house. There will be some time before we come to that crossroads. Maybe we will make enough progress that it can go a different way.

I can only work on me right now and allow some time to pass and wait and watch for some different reactions.

We will see.

Exactly! Work on yourself and let the rest work itself out. Control the situation without it controlling you.

Journaling,

Day 2 of her being at home. I slept in guest bedroom last night at her request. She needed the space. She came down sick last today along with my SD15. So they both stayed home.

Let her back into the Cell account as I am done looking at it. She will do what she will do. She thanked me in a nice way. Baby step? It only affects me in a negative way and it's draining my energy. Went to IC today he felt I needed to back off on the surveillence as I had accomplished exposing the A. I agree. It's emotionally exhausting.

When I go home I will work out make sure the kids are taken care of and spend the evening in the basement watching TV and reading and get myself some space. Hopefully get to bed early. My batteries are running down. I need to empower myself with some dim time. This would be a 180 for me by the way.

Feeling okay. Hard to focus at work. But overall a decent day. I am working on creating space that at first I thought I was doing for her but realized I needed it for me.

Will see how it goes.

Jeff

Are you going to permanently give her the marital bed? If she was sick last nite, that's fine, but you should get your butt right back in that bed. If she needs space, SHE can sleep in the basement.

There are ways to give yourself (and her) your space, without giving away all your power.

Puppy.

I DISagree (I know, big shock by now, eh?). There is a time and a place for intel, and the three biggest are:

1) To confirm your initial suspicions of an affair;

2) To gather evidence in order to confront and expose;

3) To verify no-contact during a period where the wayward spouse has promised it.

You've unilaterally disarmed. No wonder she smiled at you -- Hitler smiled at Chamberlain no doubt, too.

Puppy

Pup,

Nah not disarming...I can get whatever password anytime I want. I can look anytime I want.

I just needed a break. Agreed on the keeping her word part. It won't be hard to tell if it starts again.

She's sick right now and going through the same crap I did after my EA. It is so like coming off a drug. Anyway, gave a wide berth tonight, watched TV downstairs with the boys. She upstairs. It was nice actually..

No shock by the way ,,,,Heh heh...

Jeff