Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? The house is on the market

Self preservation sometimes comes out sounding hard. Don't worry about it Julia, we understand it.

You can't close the account to new charges? I was able to do that with our Visa card so that even though the payments are still due as usual and interest continued to accrue there just could not be any further charges.

BTW - All I could think of when you asked how to respond is to do what our H's have done avoid, avoid, avoid. But that is not our way. And yes, it is strange how much your H is contacting you.

Hi JCJ,

I don't think I've ever posted to you but have followed your thread off and on. I remember several times you mentioned the "business" like voice and tone your H uses with you. Mine does the same thing and it's almost scary, certainly hurtful. Sometimes I just want to shake him and say - I've known you since you were 22 years old! Why are you talking to me like this?

I also vote NO to loaning him the money. Use that same business voice he uses with you. Two can play at this!

Stay Strong.

(((Mishka, Ms M, Ali, Jeff, Silver Fox)))

Thank you for all your help. I composed an email last night which I was going to send this morning but then he emailed me saying to forget the last bit of the email yesterday as he had looked at the card and it had expired in May last year - this is true and I did not send him the new card back then on purpose. Good move in retrospect!

Hmmmm, this does cause me to slightly worry about the finances. I have no idea what state his are in and if he is living beyond his means or just prioritising other things over bills. This was a relatively small amount he asked me for. I am going to investigate whether I am responsible for any bills he has run up since leaving. I should have protected myself a long time ago but I had too much faith in him. It transpires he has done all the things that I never thought him capable of doing so why should this be any different. I need to find out whether his debts impact me at all legally. Gosh, I'm learning some harsh life lessons!

I am really not sure how to respond to his email. Do I now ignore the part where he asked me for money and just answer the other stuff about some music and the viewings. Do I show concern and ask if everything is ok? Do I mention it and say 'hope he has found some money to cover it'. I am still slightly dumbstruck that he asked to use our money to pay for his tax on his new apartment that he shares with ow. What is going on there?

P.S - Miska I will look into that - great idea thank you

Ok, I replied. I just gave him an update on the viewings. Chatted about the music stuff he mentioned then said

'Hope the council tax got sorted, sounds like a bit of a nightmare!'

Hmmmmmm

Hey Julia.. sounds ok, may as well show a bit of friendly concern and you didnt phrase it as a quesiton, so it will probs roll off him.

What was the music thing he mentioned? Was that a bit of chit chat?

Also, you said.. "I need to find out whether his debts impact me at all legally. Gosh, I'm learning some harsh life lessons!"

.. but whats legally possible/worrisome is NOT the same as whats morally possible.. so I dont think he would make you pay for or liable for any debts, or bills he has run up since you splt. Do you have your own savings? (in other words, he hasnt blown joint savings or owt). You already agreed to split the house.

I am legally entitled to half my ex's Dads house which has 100K equity in it.. but theres no way I would pursue that!! Converseley, I am sure your ex wont make you cover things that are his moral responsibility, he sounds like a reasonable guy.

Al x

Nicely done ((Julia))!!!

I agree with investigating your financial responsibility further. If nothing else for your own peace of mind. I did it & was glad I did.

Hey Ali, Ms M

I just feel that I have been too naive for too long. I never thought he'd cheat on me, I certainly never thought he'd move in with another woman. I always thought he would have been honest with me. I just don't trust him anymore. I will investigate how to protect myself not take more than is owed to me - information can't hurt. For example debts he has run up and them forcibly taking money from the house etc. We are still married and in some case jointly responsible. I'm sure he won't do this but it can't help to be armed with information. Plus, we haven't agreed to split the house yet, we haven't had that conversation. At the moment I am naturally assuming... only if he has different ideas will I get legal stuff involved.

The music was just about some sheet music he wanted from the house that is in the back of a very full cubboard. I said I'd find it for him, he was telling me he was practising Rhapsody in Blue and it was really difficult.

It sounds like you are handling all of this very well. I liked the friendly comment about the taxes. Good to comment and not ask a question. Less 'intrusive' which these WAS's seem to think we are when we ask a question of them!

Hope your day is going swimmingly!

HI JCJ, This sentence stuck out at me

Please I urge you to get legal advice.
I stated many many times after being told this that my H was an honourable man and would never hurt me or his kids financially. He had told/ promised me many things after he moved out and later moved his ow in.
I trusted him with everything.
Big big mistake.
It cost me lots of money and my future financial security. He lied and lied and legally as his wife I was responsible for half his debts and they were huge.
So no matter what he says or does, get legal advice. You may be fine he may be trustworthy but that is not a word that goes hand in hand with the A and ow senoria.
Lots of misconceptions regarding separation and D in UK. More so if you were just a common law wife(actually no such thing legally-I believe in Scotland they have some rights) so what harm does it do to check,it could save you a lot of money and if nothing else it gives you peace of mind.
Take care.