Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis "I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting...

I know that the thought has crossed his mind...early on 1 time he called (drunk) chewed my ars for ruining his credit, he got denied trying to get his harley, yada yada yada, later on he admitted it was a lie, he passed with flying colors. Then first cattle check he got after leaving he came (drunk again) asked me defensively "what do you think I'm just going to go blow this money and not pay the loans?" Stuff like that, so I know the thoughts have ate at him. But MLC, OW, WAS, he is still H.

I don't know that I could say I trust him. He has more than 100 times proven that he is capable of just about anything now. But I really don't think he'd bury me. I hope.

If it makes you feel any better, my husband has never missed a payment on any of the bills he pays and never once has he been late thru all of this.

TOH,
I have a horrible problem keeping my mouth shut-- my pattern has been to go dark for a while, stew over stuff, then blow up. This will sound really silly, but now whenever I feel like I'm giving H too much head space or I'm about to lose it, I do a little cleansing ritual: I write my H's name on a piece of paper, a rock, toilet paper, something. I crumple the paper and throw it as far as I can, pitch the rock into the ravine, flush the toilet paper, etc. As I do this I say out loud, "I'm letting H go." Try it-- it helps.

Thanks MWG, I pray that he doesn't make me wrong on this one thing.

LOL Andb! Might have to try that

N15 had a ball game again tonight. Is it Friday yet?? TOH is really doing good. Haven't accomplished much this week but spending time with the girls. That's okay too. Haven't had the need busy myself to keep my mind from H. He is in my thoughts but no longer consuming them. Last time I called him was Sunday. It was once again a wasted phone call. I know like a two year old that won't keep their hand off the stove.

Sunday afternoon he did stop in for a minute. But probably only because BIL was here. He really didn't say too much to me, and I didn't him. That was okay too. After the morning conversation I really had nothing more to say anyway. He did come in last night after doing chores. I think he wanted to tell me about neighbors mom passing away. He came in complaining at first because I didn't open the shed door after coming home. The tractor was in there running, he was at the other place. By the time he got back here the shed was full of exaust. Said he was about efixiated. Oops! I thought about it, but decided not to. I just said sorry. :P Anyway, it was a good visit, short, but good.

Last night I made chicken noodle soup with homemade noodles, and dinner rolls for the neighbors. Took them to them today. What a lucky lady this was that passed. She was ninty two. In pretty good health. She never had to go to a nursing home, and she passed in her sleep. If we could all only be so blessed.

Having some real issues with N15 lately too. It really seems so pointless anymore. We have struggled with her since she came here. She was 8. Still she lies, sneaks around, etc... I think I am letting her go as well. FOR ME!. I've done all I can do. I will continue to put a roof over her head, food in her belly, and clothes on her back. The rest is up to her. I know that I have done the best that i could do.

Yada Yada, that's whats up with TOH. Thanks for reading...

Hi all,
been away from here awhile my computer fried! Great Huh!?!?!

Things have been not going so well for me. Found out this week that n15 had sex last weekend while supposed to be at a friends. I told husband. While he listen and talked to me on the phone one time he has done nothing else to help with the sitch. This is his niece dammit. And he just up and left me to deal with this all!!!!

I feel like I'm at my ropes end. He will do nothing to move us forward and I don't know what to do. Do I file or give this more time? Ireally don't know anymore. I am hurting Iamlost I am confused, I am alone.

Hopefull will getmy computer fixed asap, I really need you now.

Deat TOH,

When you are not sure of what to do DO NOTHING... Time will revel to you what needs to be done.. If you do not want a D don't do anything...It's a rollercoaster ride that you are putting yourself on right now and it's best to get off..only you can stop it.
You will absoluetly know what to do when the time is right..this is not the time..remove yourslf more from the situation as hard as that is but in time you will make the decsions that need to be made. now is not the time...
ITSY

Hope you pop on quickly to let us know you are ok.

being without you is really really hard. Things are all falling apart in my world and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it. I do believe my H is long gone and never coming back. OW is still in his life in secret. She may always be. Who knows. She is evidently happy with just him coming to her once a month drunk. Giving him sex. There for him to talk on the phone with whenever he needs her and thats it. No competing with that and would want to. I need so much more. And deserve more.

I still love my H. I do not want a D. But it looks like what I want out of life matters not one ounce. I am loosing this DB battle. I've given it my all and for nothing.

My computer is down and may be for a long time. I have no money to fix or replace. I will try and check in from time to time but kind of hard. I wish you all the very best. And I thank you for being here for me these last couple of years. Wish I would have followed your advice better. Maybe I would have gotten my life back.

Love,
TOH

Hi TOH, sorry about computer probs, hopefully it can be fixed cheaper than you think.
Stop focussing on H and his OW, you know the drill.
Yes your H is gone, yes it may be forever, so what is TOH going to do for TOH?
How are you going to fulfill your needs?
It doesn't matter if you were or were not the best or worst Dber, most men do not return I am afraid,especially in longer term marriages--this is just my op, and from being on these boards along time.
DBing is for you, and in so much it can work wonders if you really apply it.
Gather up all your strength and fight for you. Take care.