Ummm, You need to re-write this post b/c you are turning me wayyyy offffff.... can't you use metaphors or something? Or lobby for changing the terminolgoy. As a lawyer, I'm sure the medical community would be happy to simply change the terms used...
Geez, reading that twice was really tough...but um, thanks for answering me in such a detailed way....Got what I asked for and MORE...
Maybe I can insert a few of the words this week as vocabulary words in ordinary conversations... "say, is that your bulbous spongiosa showing or are you just happy to see me?" I'm working on it... j-
Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 01/21/0902:43 AM.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
To AlexEN....sorry so much pain. If you think you will be dealing with multiple OM's,pull up a chair, light a cigar and read my thread. LOL
To 25...I wanted to be a doc my whole life. There is nothing more rewarding than to see someone so sick and in pain, and, intervene and make them well.
But yeah...there's homework..and groceries..and time away...
I recall how proud I was to 'have my W on my arm' at all those doc affairs. Lest people think otherwise, I would dance with her and whisper in her ear....they were those dances that, I thought, were the ones that we would still be doing when we were old and gray.
But STOP FIB. Ugh...that's a line that belongs in a much earlier post.
It's gone, over. Deida: she felt it then, she doesn't feel it now...like the ebb and flow of the tides. Surgeon, lacrosse hall of famer, bagpiper....LL coach....HUGE attraction factors....NOT.
Or should I say not anymore.
My W is probably with OM4 tonite as her presence in the house at nights is decreasing. I now enter the trials of frank_d....having it in my face until this is done.
I choose a path now that Kerryk takes...that mulesqb is taking...that DC tells me. It is not my problem anymore. I must keep clear and steady thru this mess.I don't intend to let my self-esteem 'become subterranean'.
Finally ...to my BetterMen here with young kids...how do you cope with and deal with the thought of an OM becoming a stepfather?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Finally, a great joke. Isn't this what marriage is about?
Quote:
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"
Broken Coffee Table: $139.99 Hot Breakfast: $4.20 Two Aspirins: $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time: PRICELESS!
Stop and think for a minute about why this is funny. It's because it is so universally true! It's something that you don't think about, but when called to your attention, you can see virtually every woman you've ever known having the same response! Why?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
There comes a time when you have to stop being a victim. When you realize you've done all you can.
And you have.
There also comes this time when you need to stop lamenting on "what was" and see there is a "what is".
Please have more respect for yourself Frank, please, you are more than this and you'd better get that ingrained into your head before your divorce goes further, it will only get worse if you let it. If you let it. Your choice Frank.
Self pity gets us nowhere.
No, that is NOT what marriage is about.
Jeanette
Last edited by Jeanette1120; 01/22/0904:28 AM.
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
In your sitch FIB, I cannot imagine wasting any time at all "coping" with that thought. There is no OM in her life now, that's a potential stepdad anyway, that you know of. And even if there were, he'd hardly be someone you have to cope with. You will not be replaced. Ever.
IF you and your wife really divorce, there are two options for her and OMs. Either she's always with a loser and therefore that is who gets to be around your kids some times (but will only contrast that much more with you) OR she gets a decent guy who treats your kids justly, in the limited times he's around. So, is that so bad?
It is not as if she is with OM and he's a handsome billionaire who swept her off her feet and makes great love to her and LOVES kids and they love HIM and he WANTS MORE of them but only if she does, and he does not ever want her to "work" or do anything but look good...and travel, and gives her bling and cruises, and blah blah blah. Nope.
1) you are not in a competition with any OMs for the role of father, and 2) even if you were, you'd "win".
Stop thinking of this. Put the STOP sign up and don't go there. YOU WILL NOT BE REPLACED...period.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Know this, and know it now. You have layed the foundation with your children of being their ROCK. Every game played together, every trip traveled together, every bath and getting dressed you helped with, every silly movie watched together on the couch...all those things are in your childrens minds. These things have become part and parcel of who YOU are for THEM.
Other people will enter their lives as they grow older. Some of these people will become very important to them. Teachers, neighbor friends, Sunday School leaders, coaches...
None of these other people will ever be DAD.
None of these other people will get the call in the middle of the night when they have a flat tire on the interstate...
None of these other people will get the call when their heart gets broken for the first time...
None of these other people will be sitting in the first row when they grow up and get married one day...
No my friend. YOU are not replaceable in their lives.
It is possible that one day your wife will be stable enough to have found a STABLE male to have in her life again. Perhaps even a full fledged relationship. And your children will meet him and eventually spend some time with him.
And it will KILL you at first.
But eventually you will reach the point that 25 talked about, and realize that GOOD people in their lives can NEVER be a bad thing. AND most importantly, you will KNOW in your heart that this person will NEVER replace you.
My boys have a biological mother who still loves them and cares for them. And they love her. But they also now have another woman in their lives, one who is not their true mother, but who loves them like a mother loves her children. They are told that they are loved, and they know that their father loves this woman with all his heart. Most importantly, they know that they can trust her, because their Dad trusts her.
They are doubly blessed FIB.
...and I'll just leave out similar accolades about their Mom's soulmate...
LOL.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
It is tough at first to realize that another fatherly-like figure will be in your kids lives. For me, I had to talk with the OM to find out what kind of man he was. He seems like a pretty good guy and my kids like him. Because of his age (68), he is more like a grand father they never had (X's father is deceased).
My X has yet to meet or talk with my girlfriend but I am sure she hears all of the good things from the kids. We have a recital coming up and the X asked if my girlfriend would like to come. It should be an interesting moment when they meet.
It is hard to predict what kind of guy (if any) your STBXW will find for a long term relationship or marriage. This is not something you can control so dont let it worry you.
Do you enjoy worrying, or even looking for stuff to worry about? Are you worried about the Mayan calendar ending in 2012? You know...cause they ran out of rock and wall space!?!?
Worrying about sh it affects you directly, day in and day out.
No one is going to out-father you so stop.
Worse case, and its not really a worse case, is if some guy truely and really cares for your kids as well, man it sucks when extra people are looking out for kids best interests and enjoy them.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Gteat stuff. I learn..still. Jeannette...thanks for your post. I HAVE stopped lamenting about what was. If anything, I lament about what will BE...but..with regards to our eventual division. The kids have lived together with US together for the last 3 years...thru the struggle....and have yet say 'goodbye' for 50% of the time to both of us.
Yes...the kids have adjusted very well to doing things divided. They accept as normal that mom goes this way and dad goes that way. But....not having dad at night half the time...is yet to come.
Jeanette...please not that I have NOT said that positive things are in my future. I still struggle with eventually not seeing my kids half the time.
I don't think that there is anything that ANYONE can say here to assuage that pain. It will have to go away with time...when it happens...by me. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
