Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Now She is Questioning!

Sorry for the threadjack Jeff.

And of course you would bail after having the last word.

No problem threadjack any time and Mach 1 I will check it out tonight,

Thanks T,

It's been just a short time, but she got home this morning and said she was at her girlfriends and fell asleep there, she went to the gym with her friend in the morning. I hope she was telling the truth. Anyway I got up was pleasant and so was she I made my own b-fast and went to the gym as well after she left and I went out all day out all day. She called me onmy cellphone but I didn't pickup. She left me a cheerful message thanking for the heads up about her toilet (I left her a message not to use it because it needs to be fixed.) The rest of the message was cheery and she wished me a good day. I didn't reply. Later today she sent me a random fun text. I didn't reply right away. She called me again later. I didn't pick up. She left a text to ask if I knew anyone who wanted NBA tickets she had a friend trying to get rid of them. I finally called back to let her know I didn't know anyone who could go. I kept it short and cheerful.

Interesting I back off and keep myself busy and she calls and texts. We shall see if this was just a "one of", I will continue this approach. Tommorow I will be busy all day as well.

That is how it works Jeff. They don't hear from you and so they must keep calling or texting. It's called being mysterious and getting a life.

Keep yourself busy. That is healthy for you and hopefully keeps your mind off of w. It's good though you didn't answer right away and you were cheerful and brief.

That is the track you want to be on.

Hey Everyone

Haven't been on for a couple of days. Didn't see much of my W this weekend. She didn't come home at night for the whole weekend. Don't know where she went but I can guess. I have not even attempting to contact her. I am going to develope some boundries and not be available. The couple of times we did talk she was wondering where I was because I made sure I was gone early before she got home.

I tried to be vauge but I think the next time she asks me where I was I will just say kindly, that you wouldn't like it if I asked you that question I would like the same consideration. Why should she get an answer from me when she comes and goes whenever she pleases. I am hoping this will keep her guessing. I think also it's about getting my control back.

Like everyone has pointed out this has been my problem and when she asks, I don't want to lie.... so by setting the boundry not to ask me I don't have to lie or make up witty responses I just have to keep busy.

I have to show her that I get it (that she wants to be separate) and be confident showing her that I am not just going to sit around waiting for her while she behaves badly. I have a life and right now it doesn't include her.

That is right Jeff you do have a life. I would respond to my h many times with only a smile. You don't have to tell what you are doing and you simply don't have to say anything either.

Your response might put your w on the defensive. Sometimes saying nothing and changing the subject might be a better response. Just a thought......

Jeff, FWIW, I think it would be better (and less likely to trigger a negative reaction) to have in reserve a couple of non-defensive but uninformative responses for when she asks these kinds of things. (I'm not going to lie to my H, or anyone else, either.) My two favorites are "Oh, that's classified," and "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." (My H used to work for the military.) Both of these MUST be said with a big, friendly smile to make sure it's clear that these are just your little jokes. I'm not saying you shouldn't have boundaries...just that it will very likely be to your advantage to present them as pleasantly as possible.

There's my 25 cents' worth (inflation, you know!).

Peace,
Dawn

Just Dropping in to see how your doing.

Hang in there my friend.

Thanks GG and Dawn.

I will temper my responses keeping your advice in mind. This week I have backed way off only making minimul contact. I don't answer every message or phone call. She said she is going out this weekend to look at houses, but she said it doesn't mean any thing. She says one day she wants to be by herself the next she's not sure.

She suggested that if I pay her off and buy out the house could she live in the house for six months. I said that would be awkward. She then suggested she rent for six months to figure out what she wants. I just told her that it was her decision. I tried to be confident. She also asked me if I was dating, I told her no (I dont't want to be vaugue or lie about that because it would give her the way out she is looking for.) I said that I wasn't ready to be a partner for anyone just yet and that I was working on me, hanging out with friends and family. (GAL)

She was quiet and I ended the conversation. I don't know if this means anything but I am still going to stick to my plan and not tell her specifics and am going to be gone for most of the weekend. Later she texted me aobut how good our interst rate is and later called but I didn't pick up. I figure if it was important she would leave a message.

Hey T,


Feeling a bit down right now but praying anyway for guidance and strength.