Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis How long does MLC last?

After reading the MLC for dummies, which I'm sure was just a joke but oh so true, it was really right on with how my wife began acting about 1-1/2 years ago. What I really want to know is does anyone really get past this? How long does it take? What are some signs of recovery. Do people, women in particular ever admit they are right smack in the middle of one? Somehow, my wife has blocked all the good times and fun vacations from her memories, all she can seem to recall is the arguements wich she claims to have been all the time. Am I stupid to hold on to the hope that one day she might change back in to the happy, loving person I married. I would really appreciate any words of incouragement anyone has to offer. It's so hard watching someone you love display such childish and selfish behavior. In her mind, she has created a past that is nothing like the true history we had together, at least not from my perspective. Never the less, the one she thinks we have lived has made her so bitter towards me. After a while you start thinking, maybe I really am to blame for how she is feeling, then youe self esteem plumits. Once that has happened, it becomes harder and harder to be attractive. Surely someone has been through this and has a happy ending to tell?

Answering questions:
Yes.
Everyone is different, but letting you back into their life is usually a positive.
Some do, some don't.



Yes, several post here. Yellow Rose, BND, myself, Red Umberella.

Oh yeah, the how long does it take question.

It takes as long as it takes. You can make it longer with your actions, but you sure as hell cannot speed it up to get it over with faster.

You cannot help, you cannot fix her, but you can be there when she gets through it.

Listen to Jack, he is a fountain of information and sound advice.

My wife is in the same time frame , more or less, I believe this all started about 4or5 years ago, and unfortunately I missed alot of the signs. Yes they rewrite our history, yes it is all about them. You cannot help her, you need to back off , give her space, understand this will take lots of time, and know it may not turn out the way you had hoped.

I personally understand your frustration, I am there at times.
This whole process can be a circus.Don't get sucked into believing it is all your fault. Yes you like the rest of us contributed to problems in your marriage, but this is your wifes mid life crisis. pray for guidance, be compassionate towards your wife, treat her with dignity.You will survive.!!

First I am sorry that you are here, but this is the place to be for help and encouragement. Read all that you can about MLC it will help you understand the phases the actions and what she is going thru,and what you should be aware of..read other posters stitches and post here.

There are happy endings for some..how long it takes is up to them not you..

Do not pursue her...do not initate any R talks
Do get a life (GAL )on your own you will be better off, I'm not saying end the M but you have to GAL on your own in order to survive this.
Do come here to post and vent and ask for help we are all going thru this..and it helps that Michelle has this web site for us.
It is better to talk here than with W.
\Again I am sorry that you are here but welcome
ITSY

First I am sorry that you are here, but this is the place to be for help and encouragement. Read all that you can about MLC it will help you understand the phases the actions and what she is going thru,and what you should be aware of..read other posters stitches and post here.

There are happy endings for some..how long it takes is up to them not you..

Do not pursue her...do not initate any R talks
Do get a life (GAL )on your own you will be better off, I'm not saying end the M but you have to GAL on your own in order to survive this.
Do come here to post and vent and ask for help we are all going thru this..and it helps that Michelle has this web site for us.
It is better to talk here than with W.
\Again I am sorry that you are here but welcome
ITSY

Sorry for two posts itchy fingers...I read your first couple of postings and when your wife wants to talk about R, marriage anything sometimes we just want to talk...we don't want you to fix anything we just want to talk...listen, validate briefly and let us talk.. we need to get things out and we use ya'll as a sounding board..men tend to want to fix things, and that is not what we want..just for you to listen
ITSY

Sorry for two posts itchy fingers...I read your first couple of postings and when your wife wants to talk about R, marriage anything sometimes we just want to talk...we don't want you to fix anything we just want to talk...listen, validate briefly and let us talk.. we need to get things out and we use ya'll as a sounding board..men tend to want to fix things, and that is not what we want..just for you to listen
ITSY

Thank you all for your words of wisdom, it really helps to vent from time to time. So much of our time together now is spent in total silence, feels good getting stuff in the open.

Just rememeber that this site is set up for us and not them so much...You will be fine get a PMA and Gal come here to post and vent...follow Trapt,Jeff,jack three beans and others to help support you at this time.
ITSY