Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Cleaning out Clutter - ? For Men

Hi Ali, Thanks for reading my post & the well done.

Not to be pesimistic, but a 'promise' to talk to me soon - is a promise broken. Who knows how 'soon' is for him anyway. I really do not dwell on that & have learned to expect nothing from him. (He's a people pleaser).

Bob, well Bob is a really good soap opera story. Bob is his best friend, band mate, owners son (of the company my H works for) & is in jail/on work release for drunk driving. My H is his chaffuer basically. He is also the person that I ran into this summer & told me about my H's OW. (Actually, the friends Bob was with asked if I was my H's girlfriend - OUCH! I said no, I'm his wife). So as far as I know, my H doesn't know his best friend told me. Bob actaully asked me not to tell my H - he told me. So as Jody says, this says a lot about Bob. Bob cares more for himself than he does about my H & me. Totally true, Jody was spot on.

My H has spun himself quite a web. He decided to do this band thing with the owners family (not just Bob, but owners son-in-law as well). The owner & his family are all a mess (all need to see shrinks). My philosophy, is never get too close to co-workers - unless you can really really trust them. So, ofcourse my H is paranoid that he could loose his job (he has always been worried about that). Him being a hard worker has saved his *ss so many times from being terminated.

Really, I do see the talk to you soon as positive. Even more so, he emailed me back 15 minutes after I sent the email.

Yes, the end of the garden maze, is not even in sight yet (so we do have a ways to go). And I keep trying to get my kicking screaming H to follow me through this maze ....

Oh, And I will add one more thread to his web. Since maybe 2002, I was my H's best friend until he left. Bob, his BF he has known only 1 1/2 years. After Bob gets out of jail he's supposed to move in w/my H. Bob will also need a chaffuer for the next 36 months because of his drunk driving record.

For me that's hanging my personal life hat too close to my job hat.

(((Ms M)))

Just checking to see how you are?

Hey ((Julia)), Thanx for checking in on me. I'm doing ok. I've just been reading, posting & learning.

Glad you are doing ok. How was thanks giving?

Hi Julia, Thanx for stopping by my world. My Thanksgiving was nice, I went over to my friends house w/my sister. (A nice small gathering). My sister rents the other flat in my house, so we have had Thanksgiving leftovers a few times.

Today is the 1st snow of the year. I live closer to a lake than my H, so very little snow here. Where my H lives, they have gotten 5 inches or so. Poor him, he will have to shovel. Although last year I got more snow than him.

Strange, My H has stopped dying his hair. Last week when I saw him, his hair was half gray half brown. He looked so old. He mentioned about his hair & how gray it was. I said he should really dye it. He said his haridresser (whom I know), told him he should grow it out. Maybe the hairdresser is on my side! ooopps
Now, instead of my H being a sexy, young looking man driving a sports car - he looks like a blah MLCer in a sports car. Haha. Certainly, not turning as many heads!!

I'm glad you had fun. The snow sounds exciting - I suppose it is more of a novelty to me

Isn't it funny how they let themselves go sometimes. My h has put on so much weight since he left and is spotty. I don't see what ow sees in him... it is only a good thing imo. Let him grey and feel his age

Hey Julia, Yes, snow is exciting - if you don't have to deal with it. Last year we had 100 inches!!! Shoveled it mostly by myself, with some help from my sister.

Yes, it is strange how they let themselves go. Each time I see my H - he looks like a scared unhappy boy.

So my little journal for today.

I wasn't going to contact my H & wait, but I decided to send him an email, since it was snowing today & yucky driving. I probably should have kept dark - but thought what the h*ll.

I said: Hope you have a safe drive home tonight (it's messy out there).

H email back 10 minutes later saying: thanks, more lay offs today. scarry.

I said: that is scary. how are you holding up?

He emailed back: ok over worked over welmed and under paid. Got to go now talk to you later

I said: i totally agree that you are!!! always thought so too. leter back at ya.


So this is the most we have emailed back & forth since maybe April!! I think I'm going to take Julia's lead with making contact with my H. I'm going to be friendly, caring, kinda business like, little emotion & keep a safe distance from his personal life until he is ready to share more. I will keep my contact minimal though.

Maybe, I'm trying to back pedal, side step my way out of this cheese tunnel!! Although it feels like a tight rope

(((Ms M)))

I'm so pleased that you had contact. You have found something that worked he responded in a postive way. Are you still DBing? Are you looking to build friendship, if so more neutral dialogue like this may be a good thing.