Itsy, Actually there are two friends of mine from this board that are still at it. I was the fortunate one to have the h divore me. They are still in limbo and dealing w/the nonsense.
It's painful just knowing that they have an op in their lives, i.e., whether they are living w/them or not.
My xh is slowly waking up. We email periodically. He still wants to be friends. His emails are all about him. He's got a number of health issues that appeared during his crisis and if he doesn't take care of himself, he'll be a heart attack in the making. Of course, he never mentions the ow that he married, but that's his lot in life and I'm glad he is her problem. He asks about my family and me, but I very seldom tell him anything about myself. He made a huge step in wishing me a "happy birthday" in August. It's a first in 9 years. But, to me, it's too little too late for me. I moved on and am happy w/my life the way it is.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry to hear about your two friends still going thru the hell...I did not know Ex married other woman...her problem now...I have always wondered if they do wake up what the OW thinks of ex now that he wakes up and is sorry about previous adventures with her and how he treated LBS...Just curious questions. Do you know of any H coming to the realization of what their lives are now and regretting? ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Itsy, There are a number of the x's that wake up and regret what they've done and who they have married, but many times, pride/ego stand in the way of admitting it to the one they left behind. However, they will share that regret w/their friends, etc. Many times, it's too late to reconcile as the lbs has moved on or too much damage has been done.
I honestly don't think the ow care one fig about them waking up and regretting what they've done. They feel that they've caught them in their nets and know that they may not have a snowball's change in heck of reconciling w/the former spouse. It's a gamble when they walk away...the lbs is the one that determines whether they reconcile or not.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I guess that i can be thankful that Ex has not done that..It really is sad the damage that is done.
Whatever happened to Laughing? I followed her stitch for awhile but in my healing and moving on I had to close the chapter here at DB... I have since returned at times to followup with people stitches but I have moved on and can only give advise to get on life and keep moving forward it does become so much easier with time and patience and detaching complelety is what saved me. I had to do it there was no other way and I am glad that I was never to high up on the rollercoaster, being there was enough for me. I know mine was caught up with prostitue girlfriend for the longest last contact that I know is jan 2007...started in 2001 I still think that he likes being single to date..heigh ho to girlfriend.. ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Itsy, I understand your leaving the board is getting on w/your life. I have left several times and just realized the other day that I've posting here for 9 years! I attempt to give the same advice, leave them alone, focus on you and pick up the pieces and try to move on. However, each individual is different and you have to help them as much as you can to get to the point of being okay with things.
Yes, it's rather sad when they go off and marry the op. I have seen my xh one time in 2005, and he looked very unhappy and depressed. His emails are not happy, but rather depressing and negative. But, I look at it this way....he's not driving me crazy constantly like he did back in 1999-2002!
Laughing hasn't been posting. She's still having a very, very difficult time with her xh. She's had many obstacles stand in her way, but she's a strong and independent woman and she's chipping away at them. I do hear from her periodically and I try to offer her some emotional support. She has earned her halo and wings walking on this earth.
Sorry to hear about Laughing...she is very strong...I guess we are all strong...it's been too long for her.
I invited the children over and grandchildren for dinner Friday it will be a great time....they haven't all been together for 2 years...
I will not be inviting ex...daughter said maybe for a farewell dinner instead we will see...Best friend says wait and that I am not ready yet...she's been thru this whole process with me and has never steered me wrong...she and my friends at work have been very infornative about my decision to ask and not ask...alot of feed back that was very helpful...so I will wait until a later date.. Thanks for your support and help ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Itsy, I was hoping you would hold off inviting him over. I didn't want to come out and say it because you have to make that decision on your own.
I think you still need more time for him to settle down. He just got ugly w/you again in the past few months and it's uncalled for. I don't think you are completely ready for a face to face meeting w/him yet. You may think you are, but you are still a bit "fragile" from what you have had to deal w.
Time will tell on whether or not he should be invited. Let things be for a while. Okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I will give it more time. I am not really ready yet and I know it..I just want to see him and talk ....no R talk just talk...I have a gut feeling that OW will start to put pressure on him this year to move in or settle down more.She is unaware of his past altogether..about MLC and what he did with other woman.. I know that he sees other woman because he has too much time on his hands and she lives and hour and a half away...time heals all wounds and I have more time to heal... it's all about me now
I need to still get out there and make new friends and I have the girls at work that are taking me out soon..besides I need a night out just for me it's been years since I went out with the girls and Sat night we are celebrating a birthday.I'll be joining them. the last two jobs that I had didn't give much oppurtunity to go out with co workers, this one does. So life goes on..i am better now than a few days ago when I wanted to contact him. I will wait...
I so much want to see him and figure out if he has come thru. I know that he has changed but I would like to see the Ex to figure it out. I will wait til he contacts me.
ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Talked to my mom today and youngest son told Mom that EX is getting fat again..up to 260.. I think that he is waking up finally he lost all his weight during MLC almost developed diabetics he went so far.
he stays at home more that he did when he was MLC...he was all over the state and others during MLC
He was out making new friends and hanging out and going to parties bars etc...quieted down looks like...
I would still like to initate contact but feel that I am not ready yet relearning DBING tactics again...going over how to have conversations with "I" statements and what I will and will not tolerate from him should contact be made by him...I have gut instinct that he will initate contact this year..nad I want to be ready..I have come so far in my journey with MLC and finding myself again.
I have finally given forgiveness to myself that released anger and dislike towards him.. I don't know how much that I forgive him...I always looked at MLC as a emotional crisis that was stunted in their developemental years as a child brought on and encouraged by his family. He is the good son ...I beleive in that theory.In forgiving him I did it for myself and I feel better in so many ways. I know that I forgive him for the MLC because I beleive in the emotional crisis that they are going thru. I don't know that he has developed new ways to handle his emotions, and if he has are they the right ones. I pray daily to God that he will guide me in this endeavor my want, to contact to see where Ex is, but dbing says that they will contact you..so I will wait.. I beleive that he is waking up and so want to know if he is...I wonder too if I am making thhis up in my own mind...My wanting him. He is a Alpha male and Since I always said that no talking and contact would be the way I would go I know that he won't contact me..he's too much of a male and lives by that statement that I gave at the end of the seperation...I was upset and hurt then and i'm not now..I have moved along
I wish I knew what to do I analzye too much I think. I found the letters that he wrote me and reread them and I have become what he wanted me to be before he left....Therefore at times I wnat to make contact and let him see the changes in me...wishful hoping i think... If anyone can respond i would be very thanful for a response.. The children are all coming tonight for dinner maybe I will ask for their imput.. ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
When doubt, sit still and wait patiently, for the answers will come to you when you least expect it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
