Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with Kids and a WW 23

Sorry about the former, but VERY happy to hear the latter ("and they call it Puppy love".)

-AlexEN

Hey guys.

Been doing pretty good. Really nothing much to report.

Puppy, I had heard about those layoffs yesterday. I'm in San Antonio, remember? I had seen that it was a lot of outside or outdoor sales, so I was hoping you were unaffected. Saying a prayer.

Haven't had much contact with the wife. She called me on Sunday, around 7pm. Said she was calling because she hadn't heard from me.

"I hadn't heard from you, so I thought I'd call."
I should have reminded her that she NEVER calls me, when its my day to pick up the girls. I ALWAYS have to call her, but her memory sucks when it comes to that kind of stuff, doesn't it?

Told her we were home and that I was still drying some clothes. She asked if she could come around 8 and I told her that was fine. When she showed up, she stuck around for just a bit, talking to the girls and playing with our dog Cocoa for a little while. I asked about S14, because he wasn't with her. She told me that he decided to stay with his dad one more night, since Monday was a holiday. She made a face while telling me, but I didn't get sucked in. I let her load the girls stuff in her car herself, while I stayed inside saying my goodbyes.

I let her know that I had intended to get D7's hair cut, but my client didn't answer her phone at the salon that day, Sunday. She was surprised, "Haircut?!" I said that D7 and I had discussed it and that she wanted to get her haircut. I asked her that if I could get a hold of her on Monday, maybe I could take her.

"Or I could take her."

"I'll find out tomorrow" I told her. She told me that her sister was going to cut HER hair on Monday and that she could cut D7's hair. Both D7 and I made a face.

Turns out, D7 told me she DID get her haircut by her aunt yesterday and she loves it. I told her that was great.

I walked the kids outside, got them in the car and had D7 promise to call me, whenever she wanted. Pinky promise, at that.

She called me that night before bed, she called me yesterday morning, when she woke up and she called me before bed last night. Love it.

Oh yeah. Get this.

Just before the wife started to gather their stuff to take outside, D7 kept looking for a ball that was misplaced. She was looking EVERYWHERE for it. She disappeared into my bedroom for a while. I was in the kitchen doing something and the wife was in the living room walking towards the kitchen.

D7 comes back with a pair of handcuffs that we kept in the closet!

"Daddy, what this?"
While the wife looks at me with a smart aleck smirk, I say,

"Oh, those are nothing. They're just funny." As I'm taking them away from her, I ask her, "What are you doing in my closet, anyway?"

I had to distract her with something else.

I used to have them hanging on my closet rod, but took them down the other day. I had forgotten they were there. I was taking some stuff out and saw them. I had placed them on a shelf in my closet. They're pretty realistic but have a safety latch to remove in case of emergency.

I think we used them once or twice.

So considering what the wife might believe, is that good or bad?

I really don't give a damn, I just thought it was funny as hell.

You should have said...."I don't remember"!!!

Roger to the rescue.

I was taking my sweet time leaving work yesterday evening. At about 10 till 6, the wife calls from her cell phone. I've been answering calls from her cell because D7 has been calling me from it.

"Hi, are you still at work?"
"Yes. Why, whats up?"
"Do you think that you can pick up D7? I ran out of gas."
"Yeah, I was just getting ready to walk out anyway. Where are you?"
"At the gas station next door to work."
"Okay."
"Then....I'll see you at the apartment?"
"Yeah."

I pick up D7 with just a minute to spare. Poor baby, she was the last one left and excited to see me.

"Daddy, why are you here? It's momma's week."

In the apartment parking lot, I see the wife is already there. At the apartment, D7 walks right in and I stay at the door. GBG pokes her head from the kitchen and tells me to come in. I kind of ignore her and call for D11 from the doorway. She comes out and over to me. While we are standing there at the entrance, GBG asks if I would like to stay for dinner. I ignore her again and am messing with D11. She asks me again and I tell her, "Thanks, but...no."

Because D11 and I are now starting to wrestle, I'm now further inside the apartment, inside the entry way. Then D7 comes over to get in on some action and S14 comes out to say hi. GBG pokes her head out again and asks me if I would like anything to drink.

"Yeah, ok" I say. She asks what I would like to drink and I tell her whatever, tea, coke, water. She nods her head and then tells me to close the door.

Playing with the kids, I was already past the entry and I had left the front door open.

The kids are drawing me in more into the apartment. We're playing and talking about their day. Just past the entry, still playing with D11 and D7, at the same time I'm glancing into the bedroom.

No pics. Not there anymore. She either took it down before I got there, or it's in a different place that I cannot see it, but it's not on the headboard anymore. S14 and I are discussing his track tryouts coming up and I ask him to make sure his shoes still fit. I find myself at the bar to the kitchen and the wife gets me my cup of tea.

I'm not having any conversation with the wife, but we're both talking to the kids. D7 is just hanging on me. The wife announces that dinner is ready and for them to come get their food. As I'm getting ready to tell the kids goodbye, the wife has filled a bowl with steamed rice and asks,

"Chicken or beef?"

I must have looked surprised and relunctanly say "beef".

S14 and I stand at the bar eating and talking. The wife takes her food to sit with D11 to watch a dvd. We look for D7 and the wife finds her in their bathroom taking a shower. She comes back out,

"She's taking a shower" the wife says with a grin. "She says that wants to take better care of her body and her hair." We both smile and give each other the roll of the eyes. She goes to sit back down on the sofa. She looks over to me and tells me,

"You can come sit over here."

D7 calls the wife from the bathroom and she goes to check on her. I motion for S14 to go sit in the living room and we go sit down. I sit in the chair and everyone else is on the sofa, but I next to the wife. She and D7 come out and D7 wants to eat sitting on my lap. We watch some girlie gymnastic movie that is just out. Like "Step it Up" or something.

While I was there, GBG's phone must have rung at least 5 or 6 times. Each time she hit ignore. It looks like she doesn't have cable again too. I hear her mention something about paying it next week. While we're all sitting there, there is a loud knock on the door.

Everyone starts to talk at the same time.

"Who's that?" "Don't know. Is it (S14's friend)?" "The neighbors?"

S14 gets up to open the door. The wife looks uncomfortable, staring at the door.

So am I. What are the odds?

Its the couple from across. They were asking if the wife had any videos they could watch. I know they see me, but totally ignore me. Like uncomfortable. The stand behind the sofa and D7 goes to talk to the husband. I hear him talking to her and telling her that they had gone to the coast to fish. How he didn't catch anything, blah blah. I finally throw him a question and we start talking about fishing and other stuff. What he was using blah blah. Nice couple, but I think they just kind of felt weird. I'm sure they've met OM. We also talk about the local UT college that we both attended and discuss the new football program they are trying to build.

After about 20 minutes, they take off. The wife yells to them that she'll be over later to see what videos THEY have.

D7 comes back to me and starts to mess with me. So does D11. The wife starts to pick up our dishes. I mean, the girls and I are having a blast! Our usual tickle fighting and wrestling. They are both ganging up on me. Finally, I announce that it must be time for D7's bedtime. I try to get them to wind down and tell D11 its time for a bath. I begin trying to wind them down.

I figure I'll be nice and ask the wife a question. I'm still in the living room with D11 and she is in the kitchen.

"So, where did you run out of gas?"
"As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot."
"On the access road?"
"Yes."
"And you rolled it into the gas station?"
"No, they had to help push it in."

I laugh at her and put my jacket on. I call all the kids again adn say goodbye again. I tell the wife thank you for the dinner. As I'm walking to the door, she tells me thanks for helping her and getting D7. We just kind of look at each other and nod our heads. I give a smile, a wave and walk out.

Yeah, I know. But I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I had a fantastic time with my girls, she had to watch it and I keep moving forward.

Movin' forward.

And she is aging more. And I feel like I'm getting younger.

I like the deal with the couple coming over and seeing you. That had to make the wife uncomfortable....which is good. You got maneuvered into going in but short of being rude in front of the kids I don't think you had a choice. Just don't make a habit of it.

Alright, gonna bust your chops again, but yeah, I think when you said thanks, no you could have been assertive, I need to go do whatever, and held firm and not let her put you in the friendship zone again. You can be assertive and not be rude and it would be good for your kids to see that. And I think you already know that b/c some of us tell you that like every day it seems like. I'm not mad, but I'm very disappointed in you...(love that one with the kids) I'm in total goober mood today if you haven't noticed.... Karen

Karen, I figured you were come at me swinging.

I feel so detached from the wife, that, while I did stay and let her show me some hospitality, I was there having fun with my kids. Thats what kept me there and thats all that I really cared about. The conversation between us was nothing and I wasn't there pretending to be her friend.

The question, however, is if your wife perceives it otherwise . . . isn't it?

Quick hijack- Yes, Puppy, I want to know how you are doing, so please update us soon. You sound good. I'm guessing things are going well. Prayer changes everything, doesn't it? With God, everything is possible.

h4h- That's the big question....how is your W perceiving your actions? You know her best- What do you think? As an outsider, and putting myself in her shoes, If I were her I would think, "THings are pretty good. H is not being a complete jerk, he still is there for me when I need him, and I'm able to figure myself out."

Curious about the pictures being taken down or moved. The fact that she even had them shows me how deep her relationship is. She just didn't want you to know that. It's like she shows you one thing, talks about how she's not sure if OM will make her happy, how she stays home all the time, how she can take the kids if YOU want her to, etc......but then, in reality, she is having a full blown relationship with this OM, taking pictures, having him stay over, etc. The neighbors were uncomfortable so you know he is in the picture big time. The thing to think about is the fact that she isn't showing you her real life right now. Why is that? Either she doesn't want you to know because she holds on to you as much as you hold on to her, she doesn't want to lose all that you still give her, she doesn't want to shove him in your face out of respect, she is being nice until the divorce so you don't try to take the kids, or she is just playing out the fantasy of having two lives.

I don't think your last encounter with her was that bad. You should have stayed outside, said goodbye to the kids, and left. But, you did get more time with the kids and it was fun so I can see why you stayed. It's when you stay just for her or a meal that doesn't seem right at this time.

How are you doing today?

I TOLD you that they were in it deep. Like I said, they seem to be in it for the long haul.

For her, I think its about trying not to hurt my feelings, as much as she can. Trying not to shove him in my face. She has mentioned doing this before. I don't get the feeling its about being nice before the divorce. I think she does, without admitting it to anyone, including herself, hold onto me somewhat.

She may also be just as determined to keep a peaceful relationship for the kids as I am. Toward the very end, before she left, it was me trying my best to let her know that it was MOST important to me to keep our friendship no matter what happened. She's also told me that she would never take the kids away from me.

As for the neighbors, they just may be weird but not sure. It's possible that they're uncomfortable around me. I've met them before, the Sunday night the wife barbequed. We all sat and watched a move and ate. "Fred Claus" I think it was. She had gone grocery shopping during the day with them.

At this point, I'm doing well. Trying to detach myself more and more. I still think about her alot, but I suppose I will for some time to come. I have had to stop myself from forwarding emails. I've tried to stop doing things with her in mind. Just doing them for me or the kids. I've decided that I'll treat her as lovingly as I can, when we DO have contact. Like I said before, I've stopped trying to get her to realize anything. I can't do it, she has to do that herself. On the flip side, I don't plan on being her BFF either.

I've realized that she just doesn't want to be married anymore. I have to accept it and keep moving forward for me. I plan to squeeze as much fun out my life as I can.

And let my marriage die a peaceful death.