Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

Thank you, Sara, so much for sharing that with me! Much of the talk H and I had with S17 is about his "friends" and that he needs to back away from this group. S seemed to listen and agree, but that's not saying much.

We have told S that if anything remotely illegal happens again, we will not hesitate to call the police and report it as such, regardless of what that will do to S's record. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does, we have to be true to our word and follow through.

I did just talk to S17, and he sounds pretty good and said he's haveing an "OK" time with H. I hope they both spend some good time together this weekend........I love them both so much!

And S17 is very bright. His test scores for admittance to the alternative school were higher than anyone his counselor has ever seen! I know he could pass the GED with flying colors tomorrow if he took it. But, we are still hoping and pushing for a diploma.

Thank you again, [[[[[Sara]]]]], for your encouragement and wise words. It's true that this journey is a long one, but I need to remember that I only have to live one day at a time. And I have a whole lot to be thankful for!!

(((((((Chrleader)))))))

I'm glad he is back. The story is fishy, but that's not the point right now. Whichever version is true, it may have gotten S's attention, at least a little. Some kids seem to have to learn every lesson for themselves, they won't "learn" them otherwise. Our second son was hanging out with some friends of a friend this summer, I'm glad he headed off for school this fall, because I think there was trouble to be found if he around them too much. I'm glad to hear you H handled it well, the last thing you need now is for you S to be afraid of you two, you need him to at least trust you, now more than ever!

SC,

Be true to your word. My biggest regret was that I did not call the police. If I had, the whole family's period of suffering might have been reduced by a few years.

Oh I have been there too. My D24 took off w/ friends when she was a teenager, and I think I actually tore hair out worrying about her!!! I am glad that things worked out the way they did. It does sound like positive interaction for all three of you.

I am, however, going to caution you (only because I have been there). Do not, whatever you do, read to much into your H's reaction to all this. If you do, he will likely back off. He may anyway. This has been an emotional experience for you both. But women are generally more in touch with their emotions, therefore we tend to process them quicker. Most men have been trained throughout their entire lives that they should not be emotional, therefore they may take longer to process them.

If he does back off a little, do not be afraid. He is processing the situation and the interaction between the two of you. If you cling, he will run. But if you allow him the time to process the information, he will definitely appreciate that.

lola and SC,

I do not believe this is a mistake for everyone. It just depends HOW you do it and at what point in the sitch you do it. I did the same, and it was a good thing for me.

now when you propositioned Lola and he rejected (which my H had done too) did you let him see any hurt or disappointment? If you did, THAT is where things would have gone wrong most likely. If not, well, it still may not have been a bad thing as usually when they find themselves getting closer to you, they tend to back off, and I believe it is because they are scared to get back involved, and they are confused, or they don't want to lead us on.

SC, I am very glad to hear your son is back, and it looks like it was ultimately a good thing... God takes bad things and uses them for good for those who love him. Romans 8:28.

Your s17 got to see a side of H that he may not have seen before, and you both got to share an experience together that may have helped create a little bonding moment. not that it was a good experience, but he is safe, so that's what matters.

Hey, my friend, so glad you're son is back safe and sound. My friend is going through the exact same thing with her son. She is letting him take responsiblity for his actions. (He got arrested with some friends for smoking pot). Seems to be working.

I am glad h stepped up and did the right thing. I am sure he was very frightened for your son also. I think it was good for your son to see your h so upset.

Just be sure to keep reassuring your son that you are there for him, but ultimately the choices he makes are his responsibilty.

And dont beat yourself up for your backslides. We all have them. We are human afterall. Just get back on track and try not to do or say anything that will seem like pursuing or pressure.

Poor lil darling MLCers cant take pressure.

Hang in there.

Hey, my friend, so glad you're son is back safe and sound. My friend is going through the exact same thing with her son. She is letting him take responsiblity for his actions. (He got arrested with some friends for smoking pot). Seems to be working.

I am glad h stepped up and did the right thing. I am sure he was very frightened for your son also. I think it was good for your son to see your h so upset.

Just be sure to keep reassuring your son that you are there for him, but ultimately the choices he makes are his responsibilty.

And dont beat yourself up for your backslides. We all have them. We are human afterall. Just get back on track and try not to do or say anything that will seem like pursuing or pressure.

Poor lil darling MLCers cant take pressure.

Hang in there.

hey sis, so glad son is home, i was worried about you the whole day when i wasnt here!!
i hope you enjoy your you time sweetie you deserve it, get some sleep we will talk tomorrow.
love you

Not to hijack, but I did it through text message. Yeah, not a really good thing. I agree, it depends on the sitch. Intimacy can be a very good thing. Just be careful...make sure it is the right time for both. Obviously in my sitch, it wasnt!!

Hey, Jeff!!



The acorn don't fall far from the tree!!.......so like his Dad!



I agree! I was very proud of H in his handling of this!!

We have taken away his license and car keys until he gets a job and can pay his own insurance and gas. I have also given him until the end of this year to finish his diploma, so he doesn't drag that out. H went over the city bus schedules so S17 knows what he has to do to get to the alt school. We have also taken away his cell phone, although I don't it when I can't be in touch with him.........not sure about that one.

And on the positive reinforcement side, both H and I have plans to spend some good fun time with S17, like going to movies and dinners and such. I have said that S17 can have friends here when I am here, so I can supervise.

So, I hope we are on the right track. I know that there will be backsliding, but we will perservere!!