Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Young, confused, and unhappy... MLC???

Kevin,

Thanks for your support. I admire you sticking by your vow. I also married for life and will endure it to the end. Like you said, it will get better no matter what happens if we continue to work on ourselves. I just need to completely let go of my H, my M, and let God lead the way... If God wants it to work, he will make it work

D wasn't part of your vows?? I think maybe my H had D in the silent vows he said in his head during our ceremony :-) just kidding... it sure seems that way right now. my new approach is watchful waiting. i can only communicate with my H if he contacts me

Its the best way to be. I need to take my own advice. Easier to give than live. I think Sammy Hagar wrote a song called Give to Live. If you want love, you got to give a little.

Anyways, I'm hoping for ya. Hopefully space and kindness will bring him back around.

Kevin

Thanks to everyone for their advice & support.

It is great to get perspective about my situation from y'all. It is difficult at first to get a strong sense of what is going on and how to respond to my H and his desire for a D. Everyone here has helped me out so much. I greatly appreciate your words & support.

Any advice on how to deal with my W's best friend who is agging her on to D me? I feel like I see my W when she talks but I hear her best friend. How do I compete against multiple forces working against me?

Kevin

I am in need to the expert DBs :-) This is the most recent e-mail my H in response to a letter I wrote him a few weeks ago...


I'm glad that you feel something good came out of our relationship. I'm happy that I helped you overcome some obstacles in your life. I hope that you can continue to see the good things, forget the bad things and allow each of us to move on past this relationship. Let's move on with no bad feelings and wish each other the best. I hope that you have a wonderful life and meet someone that makes you happy. I'm sorry that that someone is not me and never will be but you will meet someone better, someone much better than me who will make you happy. I appreciate your thoughts but I do not want to be married to you. Please let me go. Please let me move on with my life. Please let me out of this relationship. I'm glad that you don't feel like a prisoner any more so please don't try to hold me hostage.


Thoughts? Advice? If I respond, what do I say?

fit,
I would sit on this email for a while and not be so quick to respond. When you do, say "h, I'm very sorry that you feel the way you do, but I still need some time to adjust to the fact that we are divorcing. Just give me some time. Okay?" I wouldn't say anything more and leave it be.

I would like to know what his rush is all about in this matter. He's speaking the mlc lingo loud and clear. Then again, this man could be very rational and just wants out of the marriage. We shall have to wait and see how he responds to your email later in the week.

Fit, keep the focus on you and what you will need to do if he follows through on this divorce.

Thanks Snodderly.

I wonder what the hurry is also. The man is deployed for 11 more months with thousands of men :-). As you suggested, I will focus on myself and what I need for my own peace of mind.

I'm assuming lying/deception is part of this also??

My H contacted me this morning to talk about the D and nothing more. I questioned him about OW due to his behavior. After a go around, he answered yes, he had slept with OW. However later in our conversation, he admitted that was a lie. He thought it would make it easier for me to move on and finalize the D. He'll do anything he can to get his way right now.

More confusion.... Just another day. I guess people will do & say anything out of desperation

Fit,
Lying and deception are part of the crisis. I would suspect your h did sleep w/the ow. Normal people wouldn't say such things just to help you to move on. For example, my xh told me that he would let me know when he started dating.....guess what? He was dating the HO on his days off while I was at work. They tend to tell on themselves w/o even trying.

Now, we know what the hurry is.....ow. He's most likely done the deed and feels guilty and ashamed of what he's done and he thinks a divorce needs to be done as quickly as possible. People in crisis don't push for a divorce (usually) unless there is someone waiting in the wings. I'm sorry to hear him say what he did to you.

Chalk up your discovery of today and just skip along w/your life. You will need to find a way to distance yourself from him and detach a bit more. I think it's time that you not pick up the phone again for a while. Let him wonder what you are up to and let him sweat it out for a bit.

It's time to put the focus back on you and what you want to do w/your life. Your h has a lot of growing up to do.