But maybe try something really simple. Tell him "I don't want to go out with others, I want/need to spend time alone with you." It's more at his level.
"I don't feel like going" doesn't tell him what you do want sweetie. Just tells him you don't want to do that. I'm sure he doesn't understand why.
((((((Kalni)))))))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I agree completely with Michelle, that's what I was trying to say earlier. That is ISN'T that you don't want to spend time with him, but that you DO want to spend time with JUST him...
Good Morning! H came over -without prior communication- around 13:00. I was packing the tree and decorations and cleaning up the office library (threw away a ton of stuff, feeling much better). He stayed with us for lunch, then a couple of hours and then he left to go to work. I didnt know he was working today, he seems to have given away his day off to someone else, switched it to Sunday. He actually never told me he is working, I heard him telling his sister on the phone, probably to make arrangements for later. He left, kissed the kids goodbye and that was it. This is how we are wokring on our M. If I say something then I become the bitch. So, I keep quiet and to be honest, I am distant. I am feeling alone and lonely and it feels like we are faking it and days just go by.
He told the kids he is coming over tomorrow. If he goes out tonight, he will probably come over in the afternoon. And that will sum the week up for "US". *SIGH* Anyway, I know some of you may think I am causing this on purpose. I am not. I feel disappointed and hurt. I am not feeling thrilled this looks so bad. But I dont know what to do. K
PS BTW, he brought to show me the shoes he bought, TOD's and I told him they look great and he is worth of the best since he works so hard...
I was thinking of you last night... errrr.. early this morning while I was in bar that was open but not open. People they knew got in, the others weren't allowed. It was the owner's son's 21st birthday. His wife works with one of my new friends I go dancing with who invited us along. The alcohol was flowing, the music was loud and reverberating, cigarette smoke wafted in the air, colored lights and lasers interspersed. We all danced, I tried imitating the slow provocative movements.
What I found amazing was that none of the guys hung around their girlfriends or wives... and they were drop dead gorgeous femme fatales! I asked and someone said.. "Oh, that's a Greek thing." The birthday boy's girlfriend could have taken into protective custody for how sensually she moved in her tiny black dress.. but the guy was no where near her!
My friend, her son and I were the only people not of Greek origin. I enjoyed myself.. but found myself watching the dynamics.. sending love to you.
Not sure if we are in similar positions but my W has reverted to old behaviours, our only saving grace is that I react a whole way differently to what I did inthe old days. I'm not pursuing her, I'm just focusing on a lot of things for me, in somy ways trying to maintain my sanity.
What I'm doing now is just dropping the rope a little and see which way things go.
I don't any way feel you are causing this. I hope my post convey that I undertand what you want,need, deserve and are not getting from your H. That's on him ... you are/were open to receive the love if it was shown.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
This is exactly what I meant when I said that #2 (other world) is so important.
Are you two doing any marriage counseling at all? Have you discussed getting help for yourselves at all or is this just a do it yourself type of deal?
Absolutely no one deserves to constantly feel bad K, you certainly need something to make you feel like there is either progress being made or a way to find some peace for yourself.
Stagnation leads to loss of hope, loss of hope leads to the end, do what you feel you need to to end the stagnation K. You have choices and can change things up so that you feel that something is being done differently. Something needs to change for you, that is for sure.
Hi guys, John, I know in the end only what I think matters. Sandy, I know you understand. Lan, I think we are in different phases. I admire you for how you deal with things, but you did get a second honeymoon, didnt you? (those borders etc etc). Ian, we did go 4 times at MC. We stopped for holidays (the Councelor said she would go away) and I have no desire to go back. I was doing mostly the talking, a safe place to vent but I dont feel she was "smart enough" to lead us out of this. If I dont find someone else, I may ask him to go back. Btw, he said he went there for me, once again, to show me how much he is doing for our M to work.
Well, stagnation is not good I agree. I feel he has given up too. He has this "you havent changed" attitude lately. He doesnt even kiss me goodbye anymore, it's strictly parenting. I am afraid to talk to him again. Everytime we talk, the old me resurfaces, it's like I am asking and asking and begging and requesting things he refuses to give me. It's like it's his life purpose to refuse to show some understanding, do something to help us move forward. I think you are right. I think we both lost hope already... K
