Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Advice Please..Con't.

For the record,

Unless you hit the archieves you wouldn't know this, you have some of the top guys on this here board trying to help you, you want to buck them off go right ahead.

I'm not BUCKING anyone off Jack. I hear you and what your saying very well. I AM NOT experienced like some of you. Forgive me If I question what is going on with my sitch. I don't know you and how well your versed in these archives. This area of my life is VERY dear to me and I am a little hesitant to allow someone else to armchair quarterback. Give me a little latitude. I can't just take what your saying and work it into my life immediately. I am trusting you and what you all say. It is very confusing to just blatantly change my habits. I am working on it.

ral,

All we are saying is that from our experience in this, the sooner you get your self together and implement this for YOU, the better YOU are going to feel. In time, you will see that we really aren't bustin you wide open.

No one person here is here because we wanted to be, and I would assume that this part of our lives is very sacred to all of us. You will also see that the hands that are extended to you right now are trying to pull you along on this journey.

One thing that I wanted to tell you before was that living together in this.....There is no escape from it unless one of you moves out. I don't recomend that. But for the most part, it is Okay to occasionally have down times.....as long as you deal with those times positively. React to them different than you have in the past.

You will live your life on a stage, and you are not the leading actor. Your reaction to this, and how you spin it for YOU, will make the difference.

Peace.........M1

Thanks, M1. It's knowing what to do and when. Figuring it out is tough. I'm not the smartest egg in the dozen. Being able to distance myself and knowing how to do it is beyond me. I know I need to change the way I respond to W, I don't know how. She wants to come home and have a conversation like normal. Do I listen and validate without adding to the talk ? Do I walk away from her when she is done ? Do I have no attempt at physical contact in bed ? Do I stop kissing her Goodbye/Hello ? Sorry, I don't have a clue as to how to handle this.

Ral,

Yes....let her lead and validate

Yes....validate and listen closely

Kinda...you don't have to necessarily walk away, but go back to the new thing that you were doing before.....

Physical contact? You should be initiating NONE of this right now....Give her space....

If she does? Don't expect her to have an epiphany afterward....it's just a physical release.....you can do that without her....

Dude......It's not really THAT hard to get YOURSELF together. That is what you need to focus on right now. Find yourself and let her walk the path she has chosen.....

Stop looking for the quick fix....not gonna happen..

Are you seeing a councelor ?

Yes, But the C wants me to be receptive and open. Here its more about taking care of me and as you say, letting W walk her own path.

Ral,

Did you feel attacked or pushed by me? How did that feel?

There is a point to be made there, and gives you an inkling as to how your wife might feel to greater degree.

Here is some truthful zen bull shite:
You know you need to change, but don't know how, so just do it. Change is simply something different.

If you are the one kissing her in the morning and at night, stop. If she is the one, then it's ok.

Listen when she talks. Talk back but about fluffy stuff, nothing 'deep'. Validate yes, glad to see you have been reading.

Do I attempt not to have physical contact in bed? How is that working out so far? No stop. She isn't playing hard to get she doesn't want it, and for a guy...that thought goes against almost everything we believe in. I mean...come on...sex...you might as well shoot me if anything happened to Mr. Happy. Cause I'm basically just going to eat and sleep with out him around like a neutered cat.

This one is a big one for most guys here.

So tell me, since we are all adults here, and be honest and I will be too, how does the rest of your day or week go when you aren't gettign sex and you keep getting shot down? That is a question I'd like answered and honestly. There's the mirror.

Different strategies, I'm having a time trying to mesh...

Ask your C his success rate in regard to marriages.

And if he is familair with Michelle's books or techniques.