Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Walk-Away-Spouse WAW, "I care but I don't know if I can love you"

I have only read a few posts on here so far, but it is nice to see some DBrs on here who have or are going through the same thing!
My journey started in summer of 08, or actually earlier in the year.
I'll post later, when I have time.

Newly "in-process" divorced CA resident here..... "Victim" of the WAW syndrome. Did not know how blind I could be as well as nonchalant about the silence or lack of complaints and "nagging" just recently. Thought it was a matter of her focusing on friends and the internet more than her spouse and twin sons. The signs of "cheating" definitely were there, but I believe that the "perfume", "working out" and "styles of clothing I've never seen her purchase before" are just part of the mid-life crisis and her attempt at independence and not cheating. It definitely is hurtful when you try to reason or change the WAW's mind or even last ditch efforts to have her try marriage counseling, but she's adamant with her claims that "I don't love you anymore" and "the feelings are totally gone".....

Now I know what the situation is and although I'm two days away from moving out of the home, I have my work cut out for me to seriously change by seeking marriage counseling, grief counseling, anger management and changing my self image inside and out.

Hopefully in the future as I maintain my responsibilities as father and daddy to our teenaged twin boys, that she'll see that I'm making an effort to change and we'll be better friends/acquaintences or even mates once more..... Thanks for listening!

My wife and I are going through Legal Sep.. We are working together well with it. I have sent in my proposal, but don't think it has been filed yet. I think the big issue with making it legal, is money. Her financial sitch is bad right now, and we live in sperate households.
We have been seprarated for about 9 months now.
Initially I thought she was in the wrong, but as time went by, I hve come to realize that she needed to get away from me as I had gotten really angry at her and really screamed.
I don't agree with the legal separation, but find it was beneficial for both of us to be separated for a time.
As I have grown, I have changed. She has commented on my positive changes, but still she persists in keeping somewhat distant, and still pursuing the LS.
I have been trying to back off, and giving her space. Recently stopped being lovey as well.
Compliments are offered once in a while, but most of my comments of love and praise go to our children. One thing of high importance is my relationship with them. And now I am working on that, as I have neglected my relationship with them over the years.

Have so much to say, as this has been going on for almost a year, and even more, including the EA that happened online a year ago in the late winter / early spring.
That was a huge thing that really broke my heart! Hope to post later.

thanks to all who share in our common pain.

It has been a few months since I have posted here.
Lat time I posted I was in the process of moving all my stuff from the house. All that went without incident. Still very painful to do. Still very painful to face the X.
Last December I started dating a gal that I met at the fire station. One of our firefighters cousins. She has two young kids, then 3 and 5. We hit it off wonderfully. She is very supportive of me and who I am. Accepts me for the same. We have been dating every since.
I also bought a house int he country in Idaho. A little mini farm to raise my sheep and garden. One of the things I miss the most from the X's house. So far I feel like I'm in heaven here.
The problem I have is not being able to let go of the idea that X and I can get back together. I know this is a far shot as we are both in serious relationships, her boy friend lives with her. For some reason everything I do I try to do knowing that the way I do it would make her proud. Somehow make her see that I have changed and can be trustworthy. I thought for a while there I had "let" go. But the ideal of her and I together still lingers. My true freedom will be the day I can let go forever.
For now I continue on working on myself. Still working on anger issues, depression etc. Have come a long way since last year when this all started. Hope everybody is doing well.
B

Hi!

Good to hear from you! I think there is a certain wish to return to the way things were for me too... much like I sometimes wish to be a child again on Christmas morning and be with my parents again. But.. we know that these kind of fond memories are just that... memories. And likely memories viewed through rose colored glasses.

I'm glad you posted, my friend!